My mom died two weeks ago at the age of 58. We lived together and took care of each other for 37 years. My boyfriend is getting frustrated. I was depressed before. I know I should be able to handle this. My grandmother yelled at me on the phone to get out of bed and be of some use to my daughter. But what do I tell people when they yell at me for being in bed for two weeks and tell me to snap out of it and get out of bed and take care of my daughter? What if I'm not ready?


Your mother just died two short weeks ago, and although your grandmother is grieving too (after all, she lost a daughter), it's insensitive and short-sighted for anyone to tell you to simply "snap out of it." It sounds like you want to able to take care of yourself and your daughter but just isn’t up to either right now. Your grandmother and boyfriend are probably concerned about the mental and physical well-being of your child on top of everything else. It sounds like you and your mother were especially close, and your mom probably assisted in practical areas of your life, including with daily childcare duties. Can you think of trusted relatives and friends of the family who might be able to help you out on a practical level while you’re struggling?

Grieving can be a lengthy process even for people who weren't experiencing depression before such a devastating loss. There is no set time limit for how long you "should" grieve or when you "should" be over a death. Having pre-existing depression, however, can complicate the grief process.

Contact the healthcare provider (i.e., psychologist, psychiatrist, licensed clinical social worker, or another counselor) who has treated you in the past for your depression and update them on recent developments in your life before your depression gets any worse with the upcoming Christmas holidays or before you reach a point that you can’t care for your daughter or yourself at all. If you’re not able to do this, then ask your grandmother or boyfriend to help make the appointment for you and get you there. If your reference is to undiagnosed depression and you have no prior mental healthcare provider, then contact your family doctor for a recommendation to a clinical psychologist or other counselor. DON’T WAIT.

Working with a mental healthcare provider, the family can take a look at your social support system and help you marshal the resources that you need to get through this most difficult time of your life. I’m sorry for your loss and hope that you’ll take action.

In case you need the following, I included crisis resource information:

If you are in crisis and feel like you may harm yourself, call 911 for immediate life-saving assistance. You may also contact one of the following resources for talk or text support:

1) National Hopeline Network 1.800.SUICIDE (1.800.784.2433)

If you or someone you know are depressed and considering suicide, call the National Hopeline Network at 1.800.SUICIDE (1.800.784.2433). Your call is free and confidential. Or chat live with a crisis volunteer at

2) National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1.800.273.TALK (8255)

Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) to talk with a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area. Available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Note that the National Suicide Prevention website lists additional, special hotline numbers for Spanish speakers, people with hearing impairments and veterans in crisis, and people facing distress related to natural disasters:

3) Crisis Text Line Number 741741

Finally, please be sure to access this terrific resource: which describes action steps to take if you are feeling suicidal.

If you're in crisis and prefer to text rather than call, then here's a confidential crisis text line staffed nationally by trained counselors in suicide prevention. Text "HOME" to 741741 from anywhere in the United States.

Updated on January 15, 2019

Original Article:

152 Songs About Sorrow, Grief, and Lost Loved Ones
By FlourishAnyway

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