You have survived bullying, abuse at home, the suicide of a friend, and more. It sounds as if you are currently experiencing distress and need crisis support. Please reach out to 911, a local emergency room, or one of the following resources for immediate life-saving assistance if you feel you may harm yourself. You may contact one of the following resources for talk or text support:
1) National Hopeline Network 1.800.SUICIDE (1.800.784.2433)
If you or someone you know are depressed and considering suicide, call the National Hopeline Network at 1.800.SUICIDE (1.800.784.2433). Your call is free and confidential. Or chat live with a crisis volunteer at http://hopeline.com/.
2) National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1.800.273.TALK (8255)
Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) to talk with a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area. Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Note that the National Suicide Prevention website lists additional resources for Spanish speakers, people with hearing impairments, veterans in crisis, LGBTQ+, youth, Native Americans, loss survivors and people facing distress related to natural disasters. I’m providing the link to their survivors of suicide loss resource page: https://afsp.org/find-support/ive-lost-someone/res...
3) Crisis Text Line Number 741741
If you're in crisis and prefer to text rather than call, then here's a confidential crisis text line staffed nationally by trained counselors in suicide prevention. Text "HOME" to 741741 from anywhere in the United States.
Take action for yourself today by contacting a mental health counselor or psychologist in your community and keeping the names of these crisis centers in your wallet in case you need then in an urgent situation. Remove weapons and other lethal means from your home now while you're thinking about it. Tell your family and/or other trusted people in your life that you are feeling like harming yourself so they can get you professional counseling.
You are worth saving. We need you on this planet, alive and well. Stay with us, friend.