How do I know if my friend is really interested in becoming my friend with benefits like I am, or if she's just saying what she thinks I want to hear? We're both straight/bicurious women.


Before launching into a friends with benefits arrangement with anyone, it's important to have an open and honest conversation about expectations and what you each want. I assume this is a friendship you each value. Do you both value it over the opportunity for bicurious sex? Here's why I ask.

Anytime sex is involved, particularly sex with the same person over an extended period, emotions WILL play a role even if you don't anticipate becoming romantically attached. You might think you can maintain your current friendship "as is," but your relationship WILL change. You need to have a long talk before becoming sexual with one another. I'd say the same thing to a male/female friendship couple. Having sex changes any relationship in ways that cannot be undone.

Here are a few issues to think over and discuss. You probably won't have the answers for everything, but the questions should at least be talked about:

1) How long will your arrangement last?

2) What are the "rules" in your relationship for dating and having sex with other people?

3) What happens if one of you enjoys the arrangement more than the other or falls in love and the other doesn't? Will the friendship survive?

4) How will you know when the "benefits" are over?

5) What's included in the "benefits" and what acts are off-limits?

6) How will you introduce one another publicly?

7) Will you express affection publicly?

8) Will you hide your arrangement from other people (family, other friends, dating partners, strangers)?

9) Since you are both bicurious, will you be exploring more about LGBTQ issues and culture to help you with sexual identity?

10) How will you handle jealousy?

You had also expressed concern that your friend may just be going along with you and telling you what you want to hear. Make sure she understands that this is not something to just go along with. She has an active choice in this, and if she's not 100% onboard, then you shouldn't make this big change to your relationship. Pay attention to her nonverbal language as well as what she says.

Updated on November 16, 2018

Original Article:

I Love You Playlist:  99 Songs About Falling in Love
By FlourishAnyway

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)