119 Songs About Toxic Love Relationships - Spinditty - Music
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119 Songs About Toxic Love Relationships

FlourishAnyway believes there is a playlist for just about any situation and is on a mission to unite and entertain the world through song.

Songs About Emotionally Poisonous Love Relationships

Know someone involved in a toxic love relationship? Is it you? Customize a playlist of pop, rock, country, and R&B tunes that describe unhealthy, dangerous love.

Know someone involved in a toxic love relationship? Is it you? Customize a playlist of pop, rock, country, and R&B tunes that describe unhealthy, dangerous love.

Seriously. Do You Really Want a Jerry Springer Kind of Love?

My husband is an engineer and likes to tease me that engineers simply don't have toxic relationships. That's because such relationships are

  1. just not practical and
  2. can be hazardous to both one's health and wallet.

These are also reasons why I'd take the nice guys over the bad boys any day. Trustworthy, reliable, predictable, and kind are sexy qualities in their own right.

A lot of people, however, are addicted to toxic, unhealthy love relationships. These romances are filled with betrayal, fighting, and a lack of trust. Often there's a lot of drama, frequent break-ups and lots of great make-up sex. (You know who you are.)

Although it can be exciting and edgy to be attracted to someone who isn't good for you, it's not a stable, safe feeling. Is that truly what you want? As you figure out what to do with that emotionally poisonous relationship, here's a playlist of pop, rock, country, and R&B songs about toxic love.

Top 20 Songs About Toxic Love Relationships

There are lots more songs where these came from. This is just a sample.

SongArtist

1. Love on the Brain

Rihanna

2. Irresistable

Fall Out Boy

3. I Hate U I Love U

Gnash (featuring Olivia O'Brien)

4. Rock Bottom

Hailee Steinfeld (featuring DNCE)

5. Hot N Cold

Katy Perry

6. Put My Heart Down

Sara Evans

7. Hurts So Good

John Cougar Mellencamp

8. Love Hurts

Nazareth

9. Broken Strings

James Morrison (featuring Nelly Furtado)

10. Hotter Than Hell

Dua Lipa

11. Gunpowder and Lead

Miranda Lambert

12. Something in the Way You Move

Ellie Goulding

13. Tomorrow

Chris Young

14. Vicious Love

New Found Glory

15. Going Under

Evenescence

16. Bleeding Love

Leona Lewis

17. Sucker For Pain

Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa, Imagine Dragons, Ty Dolla $ign & Logic (featuring X Ambassadors)

18. I Miss the Misery

Halestorm

19. Smoke When I Drink

Kelleigh Bannen

20. Playing With Fire

Thomas Rhett (featuring Danielle Bradbery)

1. "Love on the Brain" by Rihanna

Some people say that Rihanna is channeling the late great Amy Winehouse with the angst and self-destructiveness of this song.

The narrator in this 2016 international hit is dangerously attracted to a lover who wounds her then puts her back together. Regarding her toxic love relationship, she claims, "It beats me black and blue." At the same time she also swears, "No matter what I do, I’m no good without you."

The song seems to mirror the singer's life. In 2009, Rihanna was physically bruised and battered by her on-again/off-again boyfriend, rapper Chris Brown, who admitted to the attack. He faced five years probation, a year of domestic violence counseling and six months of community service for his actions. The couple then shocked the world with a 2013 reconciliation. Let's hope she gets past this for good.

2. "Irresistible" by Fall Out Boy

Someone needs some couples counseling pronto. The narrator in this 2015 rock song describes his unhealthy love affair with his girlfriend as both an irresistible battle and a boxing match.

Because he is so attracted to her, he doesn't mind playing an intense game of harming and being hurt by her:

I'm gonna get you to burst just like you were a bubble
Frame me up on your wall just to keep me out of trouble
Like a moth getting trapped in the light by fixation.

"We teach people how to treat us." - Dr. Phil McGraw, American psychologist and television personality

"We teach people how to treat us." - Dr. Phil McGraw, American psychologist and television personality

3. "I Hate U I Love U" by Gnash (featuring Olivia O'Brien)

Very conflicted feelings. That would describe the narrator in this haunting 2016 chart-topper. Our sad narrator is in love with a male friend who loves her back. But wait, there's more ... .

Afraid of opening herself up and revealing her feelings, she created distance between them. Now her beloved has moved on to another girl who can express herself. As the former couple misses one another, they regret what might have been. They're bitter at one another and yet still in love.

Reader Poll: Confession Time

4. "Rock Bottom" by Hailee Steinfeld (featuring DNCE)

The toxic couple is addicted to fighting in this 2015 upbeat pop song. They feel both love and hate for one another and keep on coming back for more conflict:

You get under my skin
More than anyone's ever been
But when we lay in bed
You hold me hard 'til I forget.

Looking for Permission to Walk Away From Toxic Love?

I'm giving you permission to leave. You're allowed to walk away from toxic relationships.

I'm giving you permission to leave. You're allowed to walk away from toxic relationships.

5. "Hot N Cold" by Katy Perry

There's an endless cycle of break-ups and make-ups in this pop song from 2008 which describes a "case of a love bipolar." She knows he's no good for her, yet she plays his games and puts up with his mixed signals. If this is you, you deserve better than someone who can't make up their mind!

6. "Put My Heart Down" by Sara Evans

The narrator in this 2014 country song never imagined that her toxic relationship would reach this point, but her lover's words have cut so deep she's asking him to leave now. She describes her feelings as "a million toxic tears falling like rain 'round here." Something tells me though that he'll be back.

7. "Hurts So Good" by John Cougar Mellencamp

In this Grammy Award-winning rock song from 1982, a man who is feeling time sneak up on him invites his younger lover to sink her teeth right through his bones. (Ouch!) Then he begs her to make it

Hurt so good
Come on baby, make it hurt so good
Sometimes love don't feel like it should
You make it hurt so good.

8. "Love Hurts" by Nazareth

This 1975 power ballad became an international hit for this Scottish hard rock band. Having been left so broken and wounded by a former sweetheart, the song's protagonist claims that love is just a lie. He warns that it hurts, scars, wounds, marks, causes pain, and burns you.

With an attitude like that, this jilted lover will always be single.

When people treat you like they don't care, believe them.

When people treat you like they don't care, believe them.

9. "Broken Strings" by James Morrison (featuring Nelly Furtado)

The couple in this 2008 pop tune is struggling with betrayal, and it's tearing them apart. However, rather than breaking up, they linger, irreparably scarred.

The partner who has been betrayed has stayed too long. Left him broken and numb by the truth, he reveals that he loves his girlfriend less than before. Although he still wants to hold her, he's just going through the motions now, unable to forgive. He likens their shattered relationship to "chasing the very last train when it's too late."

10. "Hotter Than Hell" by Dua Lipa

Talk about a match made in hell. In this 2017 song, the narrator and her lover bring out each others' dark sides. This is not love; it's brutal attraction, dangerous obsession.

I'm the realest it gets
You probably still adore me
With my hands around your neck.

12 Signs You May Be In A Toxic Relationship

Are you in a toxic relationship? The more signs you and your partner show, the more you need to reconsider your relationship and seek professional assistance.

efforts are one-sided and leave you feeling emotionally and physically drained

you begin to accept behaviors that used to be unacceptable

you can't seem to do anything right

there is disrespect, screaming matches, and/or abuse

there are major power and control issues

there is a lack of trust

you feel unvalued, unheard, and/or victimized

there are high levels of anger, hostility, jealousy and/or blame

passive aggression instead of open communication

avoiding one another and using the silent treatment

you always put your partner's need first, sacrificing your own needs

constant drama

11. "Gunpowder and Lead" by Miranda Lambert

This is no way to settle the score in an abusive relationship. The lady in this 2007 country ditty has had enough of being battered, so as her honey is being sprung from the local jail for beating her, she's planning on ambushing him with her shotgun.

Take a time out and think. Is he really worth going to prison? This is the toxic, terrible stuff that some relationships are made of.

His fist is big, but my gun's bigger
He'll find out when I pull the trigger.

12. "Something in the Way You Move" by Ellie Goulding

In this 2015 pop song, there's a woman who keeps returning to a bad boy who grants her heartache and disappointment. She admits that he's an accomplished liar and not good enough for her, yet their physical chemistry keeps her coming back for more toxic love.

While she's wasting him with this loser, her real Romeo—someone who is honest, kind, and LIKES CATS!—is still out there. Ditch the dude who is wasting your youth, honey.

Nothing toxic comes from genuine love.

Nothing toxic comes from genuine love.

Reader Poll

13. "Tomorrow" by Chris Young

The couple in this 2011 country song is like fire and gasoline, and the narrator knows it. However, the narrator is thinking with his heart (or his willy) when he ignores all reason and holds her tight, rocks her strong one more time. He already has tomorrow's goodbye scene planned out.

Wait. They've been through this pattern before, haven't they?

14. "Vicious Love" by New Found Glory

Someone please tap the guy in this 2014 rock song on the shoulder and set him straight. Love done right should never be vicious.

He treasures the fact that he doesn't give up on his sweetheart, with whom love doesn't come easily. Instead maybe the two of them should go their separate ways. Someone kick some sense into him; maybe it'll get through that way, huh?

We’ve got a vicious love
We mix our tears with blood
No clock will stop for us
It ticks by.
We fight as hard as we love
We’ve got a vicious love

15. "Going Under" by Evanescence

Label this one a super toxic relationship.

The protagonist in this 2003 rock song is fed up with "screaming, deceiving and bleeding" for her lover. Having reached rock bottom, she feels like she's going under, and she's trying to escape their dangerous affair.

She can no longer discern his lies and the truth. This is what happens when a toxic relationship goes on too long—it eats away at your sense of self.

16. "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis

From the moment she first saw her trouble-causing lover, it was instant attraction for the woman in this 2007 pop song. Friends think she's crazy, and that should be a big clue. But it isn't. She says the so-called love she has for her man cripples her, leaves scars, and makes her bleed love. But she keeps coming back for another helping.

Girl, you are better than this. Pull yourself up by your high heeled boots and keep walking.

17. "Sucker for Pain" by Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa, Imagine Dragons, Ty Dolla $ign & Logic (featuring X Ambassadors)

The relationship depicted in this 2016 hip hop/rock hit is not healthy at all. There's

  • begging
  • a desire to chain one partner up and tie them down and
  • a description of the couple's love as fire, torture, and going to war.

Either this lover boy is messed up on drugs or he's not right in the head. Girlfriend, don't stay around to find out. Run away as fast as you can before something really bad goes down. You know what to do.

18. "I Miss the Misery" by Halestorm

The protagonist in this 2012 rock song is one messed up woman. Her lover has finally changed his toxic ways but instead of being happy she misses the misery. Go figure!

She misses the lies, fights, screaming matches, fault-finding, the hate, the hurt, and all of the other things that made their relationship poisonous. Some people are never happy. This should be a deal breaker.

19. "Smoke When I Drink" by Kelleigh Bannen

"All that holdback gone in a blink." The woman in this 2014 country song knew that her ex would be in this bar tonight.

She's spent a long time getting over him, yet here she is, acknowledging that she's too lit up to try to turn him down. She knows she'll regret it in the morning, but here comes her ex, right on cue. Bad habits die hard.

20. "Playing With Fire" by Thomas Rhett (featuring Danielle Bradbery)

In this 2015 country song, the lovesick narrator knows the right thing to do:

  • don't drive by his ex-girlfriend's house
  • delete her number from his phone
  • stay away from her side of town.

She knows the right thing to do as well. Commit to no more on-again/off-again. Don't go hang out where he does. But oh, no. Both of them have poor impulse control. They play a dangerous game with their hearts and know it's not even close to over yet.

Be Loyal to You

"Staying in a hopeless situation doesn't make you 'loyal.' It just makes you miserable. Be loyal to your own peace of mind." - The Weeknd, Canadian singer

"Staying in a hopeless situation doesn't make you 'loyal.' It just makes you miserable. Be loyal to your own peace of mind." - The Weeknd, Canadian singer

Even More Songs About Toxic Love Relationships

Know a song that should be on our Toxic Love Relationship Playlist? Make a suggestion in the Comments Section below.

SongArtistYear Released

21. On My Way

Lea Michele

2014

22. Cuts Both Ways

Gloria Estefan

1989

23. Advice

Kehlani

2016

24. Toxic

Britney Spears

2003

25. Better Love

Foxes

2016

26. Leave Me Lonely

Ariana Grande

2016

27. Poison

Rita Ora

2008

28. Bad Boys

Alexandra Burke (featuring FloRida)

2009

29. Kill For You

Skylar Grey (featuring Eminem)

2016

30. Hostage

Sia

2014

31. Run Right Back

The Black Keys

2011

32. It Won't Let Go

Gloriana

2015

33. Queen of Peace & Long and Lost

Florence + the Machine

2015

34. It Kills Me

Melanie Fiona

2009

35. Angry All the Time

Tim McGraw

2001

36. #1 Crush

Garbage

1995

37. I Guess I'll Miss the Man

The Supremes

1972

38. Letting Go

Mayday Parade

2015

39. It's Not Me It's You

Skillet

2009

40. Kiss with a Fist

Florence + The Machine

2009

41. You Give Love a Bad Name

Bon Jovi

1986

42. Everything She Wants

Wham!

1984

43. You're No Good

Linda Ronstadt

1974

44. You're So Vain

Carly Simon

1972

45. It Was Faith

Puddle of Mudd

2007

46. Breakdown

Seether

2007

47. Skinny Love

Birdy

2011

48. Mercy

Shawn Mendes

2016

49. I Was a Fool

Tegan and Sara

2012

50. Unfaithful

Rihanna

2006

51. Jar of Hearts

Christina Perri

2010

52. Love Stinks

J. Geils Band

1980

53. Strawberry Wine

Pat Benatar

1997

54. It Ain't Me

Kygo and Seleva Gomez

2017

55. You Don't Love Me Anymore

Weird Al Yankovic

1992

56. Nicotine

Panic! At the Disco

2013

57. Love the Way You Lie

Eminem (featuring Rihanna)

2010

58. Addicted

Dan Seals

1988

59. Energy

Keri Hilson

2009

60. Familiar Taste of Poison

Halestorm

2009

61. Beautiful Trauma

Pink

2017

62. Love Me or Leave Me Alone

Dustin Lynch

2017

63. Last Dance

Dua Lipa

2017

64. Wouldn't Be Love

Ritual

2017

65. Ultraviolence

Lana Del Rey

2014

66. Blood Under My Belt

The Drums

2017

67. Love Bites

Def Leppard

1987

68. Pain

Three Days Grace

2006

69. I Hate Everything About You

Three Days Grace

2003

70. Decode

Paramore

2008

71. Kiss It Better

Rihanna

2016

72. Bad Medicine

Bon Jovi

1988

73. Helpless When She Smiles

Backstreet Boys

2008

74. You Ruin Me

The Veronicas

2014

75. Unapologetic B*tch

Madonna

2014

76. Numb

Linkin Park

2003

77. Bad Romance

Lady Gaga

2009

78. I Hate Myself for Loving You

Joan Jett

1988

79. Never the Same

Camilla Cabello

2018

80. New Rules

Dua Lipa

2017

81. Beating Me Up

Rachel Platten

2016

82. Don't Bite the Hand That Feeds

Ratt

1988

83. Hands Off My Heart

MKTO

2016

84. Hands to Myself

Selena Gomez

2016

85. Bad at Love

Halsey

2017

86. Trainwreck

Banks

2016

87. Runaway Train

Drive-by Truckers

2015

88. Toxic Love

Tim Curry

1992

89. Ex-Factor

Lauryn Hill

1998

90. Mad Love

JoJo

2016

91. Back to Black

Amy Winehouse

2006

92. I Miss the Misery

Halestorm

2012

93. Stitches

Shawn Mendes

2015

94. Connect

Drake

2013

95. Only Want You

Skylar Stecker

2017

96. Tainted Love

Soft Cell

1981

97. Bad Things

Camilla Cabello & Machine Gun Kelly

2016

98. Harder to Breathe

Maroon 5

2002

99. This Love

Maroon 5

2004

100. My Next Broken Heart

Brooks & Dunn

1991

101. Attention

Charlie Puth

2017

102. Broken

lovelytheband

2017

103. Jesse

Carly Simon

1980

104. Youngblood

5 Seconds of Summer

2018

105. Love Is a Battlefield

Pat Benatar

1983

106. Take Me to Church

Hozier

2013

107. King

Years & Years

2015

108. Hate Me

Nico Collins

2018

109. Miracle

Hurt

2013

110. Girl

Destiny's Child

2005

111. Praying

Kesha

2017

112. Criticize

Adelitas Way

2011

113. Should I Stay or Should I Go

The Clash

1982

114. What Have I Done to Deserve This

Pet Shop Boys (featuring Dusty Springfield)

1987

115. Love Me Dead

Ludo

2008

116. Walls Could Talk

Halsey

2017

117. I'm So Sorry

Nico Collins

2019

118. A Broken Wing

Martina McBride

1997

119. Life in the Fast Lane

Eagles

1976

Questions & Answers

Question: How would I know if my partner is falling out of love?

Answer: All committed relationships have peaks and valleys, but here are some signs that your partner is falling out of love with you or has already fallen done so. While any one of us may exhibit some of these signs from time to time in our love relationship because of life stressors, conflict, ill health, or other issues, consider the overall pattern, severity, and duration of the behavior below.

1) Your partner frequently chooses to spend less time with you, opting instead to work, hang out with friends, or pursue some other priority instead. Even when they are with you, they’re “checked out” -- on their phone or other device or watching television, for example.

2) They’ve withdrawn emotionally. They don’t share secrets, hopes, dreams, feelings, and fears like they used to. They don’t solicit this type of information from you either and shut you down when you try to discuss.

3) Your partner treats you more like a roommate, sibling, or buddy than a lover. They avoid all signs of romantic intimacy. The hand holding, kissing, cuddling, hugs, and sex have dwindled or stopped. (Sometimes, sex is the only thing they want from you—sex without the emotional intimacy.)

4) They don’t talk much about the future or they change the subject when you bring it up. They avoid situations with other couples. They don’t talk to others about you as a couple (only themselves as an individual).

5) Your values and interests are different and there’s no longer an attempt to discuss, share, or meet in the middle.

6) Your partner no longer invests much time or energy into their appearance or suddenly begins to pay way more attention to it.

7) They become easily frustrated with you. They may express disrespect, contempt, and disappointment, sometimes disguised as sarcastic “jokes.”

8) Your partner has developed a wandering eye. They no longer bother to hide the fact that they’re sneaking a glance elsewhere.

Chances are, if you’re asking yourself the question, “Is my partner falling out of love with me?” then you’re probably seeing some of these signs. Go ahead and have the difficult discussion with your partner about the behaviors you’re noticing and where to go from here as a couple. I hope these have helped.

Question: What if you are the last person to know about someone's secrets?

Answer: Assuming that you mean that their secrets died with them except for what they told you, then you have a decision to make. On one hand, you must consider whether you continue to honor the request for secrecy. They made it while they were living, perhaps in order to avoid conflict, embarrassment, social awkwardness, shame or social stigma, etc. You have to consider the nature of their secret and why they didn't want others to know at the time. Will anything positive potentially come of divulging that secret now? You also have to consider whether those reasons are still valid, now that your loved one is no longer here.

The other alternative is that in the aftermath of their death their relatives and friends are searching for any answers that may potentially give more texture to the deceased's life and their passing. This is especially the case if they died by their own hand or by another's.

If divulging their secret has the potential to hurt the living and complicate others' grief -- information about extramarital affairs, previously undisclosed sexual identity, disease status, paternity, criminal or abusive behavior -- consider discussing first with a therapist to work out the following:

1) whether you should share the information

2) how much information you should share

3) with whom

4) in what manner/format (letter/phone/meeting) and what setting

5) the timing

6) what your own motivations are for wanting to do so.

I'm sorry for your loss. Some secrets are meant to remain secrets whereas others are not, especially after death.

Question: I’m dating a guy who does not show affection. Sometimes, our relationship feels one-sided. When I broke up with him he begged for us to try again. I’ve tried communication, and it does not seem to help. I just want a little affection every now and then. The only time he touches me is in a sexual manner, but I just want him to hold me for once without it being about sex. What do I need to do?

Answer: This is pretty easy. Unless you are madly in love with him and willing to try anything to keep this relationship together – and I’m not hearing that that is where your heart is at – I recommend putting YOU first and breaking up with him for good. Stop having sex with him and break up with him NOW. You don’t owe him a lengthy reason or excuse. Just tell him you aren’t feeling it anymore, and the one-sidedness and lack of affection were deal breakers. Make sure he knows there will be no relationship do-over this time.

You’ve tried communication. You’ve tried second chances. Those didn’t work. Don’t try to fix him or force him to do something he doesn't want to do. His lack of affection is NOT your problem to solve, so stop trying to make it yours. (He alone owns this issue. Maybe he can seek individual counseling if he has problems expressing himself, but that's for him to explore.)

Girl, go find someone who will meet your needs. There are indeed men out there who are kind, compassionate, and physically affectionate (not simply when they want a little nooky). Stand up for what you deserve in both relationships and in life. I'm rooting for you!

Question: What if after only a few days I am taking a break from a relationship? Does this count as "toxic love"?

Answer: Beware of any relationship that is so fragmented or tumultuous that you need to take a break from it after only a few days. Ideally, relationships should build you up and make you a stronger person, thus creating a foundation of trust and companionship. If this isn't the case, you may be physically attracted to someone, but perhaps it's not wise to have an ongoing relationship with them. Stop while you're ahead. Wish one another well and don't look back.

Question: I made a mistake years ago in my marriage, and my husband still doesn't trust me, even though I have proven my love and faithfulness.

He also uses it as a trump card in every argument. What should I do?

Answer: Your husband chose to stay with you, yet if he’s honest with himself, he’d acknowledge that he hasn’t truly forgiven you. He likely has a lot of unresolved anger and trust issues about your transgression, and he continues to strategically bring the mistake back up at emotionally raw moments to hurt you the most.

It’s an unfair power play, however. On some level, he probably feels he’ll always win an argument as long as he uses your mistake as leverage. You violated his trust and hurt him deeply, but none of us are perfect. Don’t continue to beat yourself up. We all fall short of perfect.

As much as the lingering issue hurts you, however, it is holding him back, even more, not to mention your marriage. You violated your husband’s trust, so it’s incumbent upon you to take the lead in repairing what you broke. He is wounded, and you may never have realized just how deeply because men don’t always talk about their feelings. Continuing to let this tear him up inside will only make him bitter.

As a couple, it may be useful to explore the following concerns:

• What were the underlying reasons that led to your infidelity?

• What, if anything, is different in your marriage now?

• How did your parents’ marriages color your marriage?

• Can your husband forgive you? What will this take?

• Do you still belong together? If so, how can you work at improving the trust in your marriage?

The best way to do this is by working with a marriage counselor (clinical or counseling psychologist or licensed clinical social worker). Talk with your husband while he is calm rather than in the heat of an argument. Present it as an opportunity to grow closer and move forward, finally putting your infidelity behind you both. If he doesn't go to therapy, you can go alone. It will at least give you a sense of clarity regarding what healthy behavior in a marriage should be like. You might be pleasantly surprised that at some point your husband may decide to join you.

Question: Should I text my crush back if he doesn't text me? It's been almost 2 months since our last chat.

Answer: If you are the one in this relationship who must consistently reach out and pick up the slack, then he’s probably not that interested. If this is the first time he’s done it, maybe there’s something going on in his life. However, I suspect you would have contacted him by now if that was the case. I suspect he has a pattern of not texting you back in a timely manner and this is the longest it’s gone on, two months.

If that’s the case, I’d drop him and not look back. You can casually try to initiate contact again with him if you feel like you must and just ask him how it’s going. However, you should first ask yourself what you’d want from someone who is too busy, too self-involved, and/or doesn’t respect you enough to pick up a cell phone and text. How much time does that really take? Stand up for yourself. You are worth it.

Question: What if my significant other wrongly believes that I am keeping information from her, but she has not shared much information about herself?

Answer: This appears to be a rather new relationship in which there is not only low trust but also an imbalance of emotional and informational self-sharing. Perhaps she has quite a bit of emotional baggage that she is carrying from past relationships or maybe from growing up (e.g., parents who went through an ugly divorce). People carry their pain with them.

Maybe she's emotionally guarded for good reasons that have nothing to do with you personally. Is it worth trying to work through to see if that's true? If so, rather than jumping to anger, first try a more open, playful approach, such as 20-questions or an "ask me anything." Mutually establish the ground rules up front before anyone asks any questions.

For example, here are some sample ground rules:

1) On individual slips of paper, each partner writes down ten questions that they want to know about the other partner. It has to be a question that applies to both partners, not just one partner. The question can be philosophical, about past experiences or relationships, a silly question, practical question, a "what would you do scenario" or a question about life priorities, dreams, or values. If there are any off-limit subjects, agree on them in advance. Fold the slips of paper and put them in a jar.

2) Over pizza or in a relaxed setting, the first partner draws a random question from the jar and answers it. The second partner simply listens, and they can ask follow-up questions for further clarification. Then the second partner answers the same question, reversing roles.

3) If either partner comes to a question that they truly don't want to answer, they shouldn't be forced to do so. If possible, they might offer why they don't feel comfortable answering. At least now you'll know what the sensitive subjects are.

You might start out with lighter, very emotionally non-threatening topics for the first game or two of 20 questions (silly questions, favorite song, what would you do scenarios) then gradually sprinkle in some more emotionally revealing questions.

Question: Is there such thing as a one-sided toxic relationship? For example, I used to be in love with someone who constantly played with my feelings. He was also suicidal and very emotionally unstable. Everything he did to himself hurt me as well.

Answer: People involved in love relationships can play a variety of roles, some of them quite toxic (e.g., broken person/rescuer, victim/assailant). Just because your partner's behaviors were exceedingly unhealthy doesn't mean your behaviors were healthy. It's a good thing you're out of the relationship if he played with your emotions and didn't give you what you needed. I hope you're in a healthier relationship now.

Question: Is it unhealthy if I want my significant other to be more controlling over me or if I want to be told what to do?

Answer: Being overly dependent upon a lover comes across as needy, clingy, and passive. Is that what you want? The objective of growing up is learning to care for yourself. You cannot forfeit that and still have a healthy relationship.

There are times when it's stress-reducing to agree to offload certain responsibilities onto your partner, but you seem to want your significant other to be more controlling over you. That concerns me because I'm sensing that what you want is more permanent and all-encompassing. As a result, you may be setting yourself up to be:

1) dependent on your partner

2) powerless in the relationship, and

3) potentially subject to emotional or physical mistreatment if your partner is so inclined.

Being dependent on another person can be a very slippery slope. Maybe now it's just small decisions you abdicate. However, eventually, it's possible that if you routinely hand over decision making, you may turn around and find yourself utterly unable to make your own decisions AT ALL. Wanting someone to be more controlling over you amounts to handing over your personal power. Don't do that, friend.

When some of the following signs exist, people often enter into unhealthy territory:

- difficulty making decisions without reassurance from others

- avoiding personal accountability

- extreme passivity

- avoiding being alone

- problems expressing disagreement with others

- inability to meet the ordinary demands of life

- preoccupation with being abandoned

- feeling devastated or helpless when a relationship ends

- easily hurt by criticism or disapproval

- willingness to tolerate mistreatment or abuse from others.

If you recognize yourself in this list of behaviors, consider talking to a mental health counselor or psychologist about your desire to be controlled. They can help you develop the skills to be more independent and explore the reasons why you feel like this in the first place. I wish you luck as you chart your own course in life.

Question: What if your significant other doesn’t appreciate the little things you do, like holding the door open, or walking with her to work?

Answer: Although many people might suggest that you simply stop doing the little things that she doesn't thank you for, I would recommend a more reflective approach.

It's unfortunate that your partner doesn't recognize your kindness. Before you act on your frustration, you might first take a step back and ask yourself WHY you do these little things for her. Is it because you care for her and genuinely enjoy doing small things that you believe make her happy or make her life easier? If so, then being thanked shouldn't matter quite as much. People who love one another often do things with no expectation of anything in return (not even a thank you sometimes).

Alternatively, do you perform these small favors because you're seeking her recognition, acknowledgment, and approval? It's not a bad thing if validation is a motivation for you. You just need to communicate to her how important acknowledgment is for you. If recognition is a key driver for you, then you need to have an honest, open conversation with her. Ask whether she even wants you to do these things. (It's quite possible she doesn't. That would be a plot twist, wouldn't it?)

Share with her why you do them and explain that you're the type of person who needs positive reassurances that what you're doing is valued and appreciated. She may not realize she's as thankless as you perceive her to be. Add that recognition of your efforts is the best way to ensure that you will continue to do these little things.

Based on your discussion, try to come to an agreement on what behaviors each of you will continue/stop/start.

Question: What if my girlfriend hits on other guys, but always comes back to me?

Answer: You deserve someone who's as "all in" as you are. Therefore, you need to have an honest, open conversation in which you tell her calmly that you know she makes sexual advances to other guys. Describe how it makes you feel -- embarrassed, angry, hurt, betrayed, sad, etc. Maybe she can shed light on why she does it. For example: maybe she's not ready for a committed relationship, she feels insecure about herself, you feel more strongly about her than she does about you, she doesn't perceive the gestures she's making to be sexual advances at all, etc. This will be a difficult but worthy conversation if you don't allow emotions to hijack it.

For your own dignity, you have to decide if you're okay with her behavior. (Obviously you're not. You've written me!) Why make this decision? Because currently, you're giving her your CONSENT to treat you this way every time you take her back. If you're not okay with it, explicitly tell her so. Redraw your boundaries, meaning establish what a relationship dealbreaker is. Then STICK to those boundaries. She may realize that she lost a loyal and loving partner a little too late.

I wish you all the best in standing up for yourself.

© 2017 FlourishAnyway

Comments

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on May 27, 2020:

Evelyn - Thank you for this toxic song suggestion! I added it to both this and the playlist on domestic violence.

Evelyn on May 21, 2020:

'I'm So Sorry' - Nico Collins.

This is also about physical abuse.

All she does is hurt him, but he holds onto his identity and empathizes with her feelings. He feels bad for her and her life, but he is adamant that he will "make it out alive".

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on April 25, 2020:

Peggy - I think there's probably a large bias in what type of people are searching for these songs and that probably influenced the results. Not all of us are in healthy relationships. I'll take steady and predictable.

Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on April 25, 2020:

Perhaps it is only because of the title of this playlist that your polls were filled out in the manner that they were. Because I fit a minority category in both polls. Boring in #1, which I will happily accept over the other options, and companions, friends, etc. in the 2nd. It suits me perfectly. (Smile)

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on March 12, 2020:

Wren - (I love your name.) Thanks for the song suggestion. Stay away from toxic love relationships and be well!

Wren on March 11, 2020:

I may have a few songs that kind of refer to domestic abusive relationships.

Walls Could Talk - Halsey

Kind of talks about a toxic relationship, and how if the walls could talk, they would say how 'shit is crazy'

Nevermore - Jeff Williams Ft. Casey Lee Williams

This song is from one of my favorite shows, RWBY ('ruby'), and it's about a girl and her best friend facing the girl's past abusive partner. The song talks about how the girl and her best friend won't run anymore, and they will protect each other to fight him. I suggest going onto Genius Lyrics and looking up the lyrics to really understand the story behind the song.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on March 01, 2020:

Blay - Perfect! Thanks for the recommendation which I have added!

Blay on February 29, 2020:

I'm thinking Love Me Dead by Ludo is a pretty good toxic love song. The narrator is tearing his lover down, but is still obsessed with her and is begging for her to hurt him.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on December 06, 2019:

itsjustme1965 - Thank you for that song suggestion which I added.

itsjustme1965 on December 05, 2019:

just heard a new song for your toxic love playlist.

"Criticize" by Adelitas Way

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on October 17, 2019:

JCN - This is the second suggestion on this song, so I added it. Thanks for your comment.

JCN on October 16, 2019:

A song I love about toxic love is:

PRAYING

KESHA

2017

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on September 30, 2019:

Jimmy - Thanks for the suggestion.

jimmy on September 29, 2019:

one song suggestion for you on this list is praying by kesha (2017)

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on August 25, 2019:

Jimmy - Thank you for the suggestion. I've added it, both here and on the playlist of pop and rock songs about cheating and lying. Have a great day!

jimmy on August 24, 2019:

girl-destiny's child

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on May 06, 2019:

Tamara - I appreciate your kind compliments. People often have a sense that their relationship behaviors aren't healthy. Doing something about it, however, is another thing entirely. Have a lovely week!

BBYCGN from Uninhabited Regions on May 06, 2019:

Wow, excellent post along with a great list of songs! I enjoyed answering your questions, as well, on the polls. I was surprised that many checked the box as being in a toxic relationship. Your Q&A part was so informative, too. Thank you, Flourish ❤️

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on August 25, 2018:

Rodd - Thanks for the song suggestion. It's at #100. The poor guy in that song has poor taste in women, poor relationship skills, or both!

Rodd on August 25, 2018:

How about brooks & dunn - my next broken heart.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on August 23, 2018:

Sara,

I am concerned that you are in an abusive relationship. Many people (primarily females) may not realize that they are in a relationship that shows signs and symptoms of domestic violence. Although I have not experienced domestic abuse at the hands of a partner, several people close to me have. I use some of my playlists to connect people to helpful resources. On a related playlist, "Songs About Domestic Violence and Child Abuse," https://spinditty.com/playlists/Songs-About-Domest... or short link http://hub.me/altXL I provide some important facts about domestic violence as well as a helpful link to a credible mental health source regarding traits and warning signs of abusers.

You should also save this important number:

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) - Highly trained advocates are available 24/7 to talk confidentially with anyone experiencing domestic violence, seeking information or resources, or questioning unhealthy aspects of their relationship.

In addition, I have written an article "Divorce and Intimate Partner Violence: How to Know If You're at Risk of Being Stalked, Harmed, or Killed," https://pairedlife.com/problems/Divorce-and-Intima... or short link http://hub.me/aknTR. This describes domestic violence in the life of someone very close to me. It also provides extensive information on prevalence, types of intimate partner violence, multiple resources in addition to the number I gave you above, risk factors for becoming a victim or perpetrator, and advice. I've included the titles of the articles in case the links are somehow rendered invalid. Just Google them if they appear broken in this comments section.

Please, for the sake of both yourself and your child, educate yourself and make the phone call for 24/7 support. I'll be thinking of you. All the best, FlourishAnyway

Sara on August 23, 2018:

Im 20 married and i have a 2 year old with my husband. he extremely emotionally abusive but he dosent know he is when i try to explain to him he just shuts me down wevebeen together for 5 years now and it wasnt always like this but as we get olderand our jobs get more stressful and our lives evolve it gets worse i feel like im styck in a horror movie or a nightmare. I have dreams about leaving him and i cry at night. Im always saying sorry for things that i know i shouldnt be sorry about or he always trys to put the blame on me in a fight and trys to play victim like he hasnt done anything wrong my heart hurts and i just need help advice and support

Nile on July 15, 2018:

Connect by Drake

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on July 09, 2018:

Anon - Thanks for your comment. It's #57 on the list. Have a great week!

Anon on July 08, 2018:

Love the way you lie by Eminem?

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on April 28, 2018:

Bob - Why would you want to date someone who isn't kind? Find another girlfriend or just go it alone for awhile and concentrate on you. It's better to be alone and happy than in a relationship and miserable. Maybe she's miserable, too. Who knows? Good luck.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on January 29, 2018:

Emma - How could I leave that off? Adding it now. This isn't a ranked list, but know if it were, it'd be right up there. Thanks for the comment and have a great week!

Emma on January 29, 2018:

I might've missed it but I feel like "bad romance" by lady gaga should've come in at #1

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on January 23, 2018:

GennyXO - Thanks for these suggestions which I have added. "You Ruin Me" is one of my big favorites! Be kind to yourself and have a great day.

GennyXO on January 23, 2018:

You Ruin Me by the Veronicas, Unapologetic *itch by Madonna, and Numb by Linkin Park...all are so good!

GennyXO on January 16, 2018:

You ruin me by the Veronicas and unapologetic bitch by Madonna and numb by Linkin Park

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on December 14, 2017:

Desiree - Thanks. Sometimes I include cover songs instead of the original. I appreciate your comment.

Desiree on December 13, 2017:

Skinny Love is originally by Bon Iver.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on December 03, 2017:

Lilia - Look a little closer. It's #57. I appreciate your comment!

Lilia on December 03, 2017:

How can you not have Rihanna's Love The Way You Lie (both parts!) on your list? That song is the ULTIMATE song about toxic relationships!

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on November 02, 2017:

Ilo - Thank you for the suggestion. I have added the song to both this playlist and the following, which also contains help information for people who are in abusive relationships: https://hubpages.com/playlists/Songs-About-Domesti... I appreciate your suggestion. Have a good day.

Ilo on November 02, 2017:

Ultraviolence by Lana del Rey is an amazing that depicts well the feeling of someone who is in an abusive relationship and can't end this cycle.

Some people say that this song romanticize those toxics relationships but I think that is another (and very sad) view about this issue.

(sorry for any error, English isn't my most fluent language)

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on October 28, 2017:

Daysha - Thanks for the suggestion. I have added it at #64. Have a great day!

Daysha on October 28, 2017:

Wouldn't be love-Ritual

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on October 01, 2017:

Daking - Beautiful song! Thanks for the addition! It's #62 now! Have a good Sunday!

Daking on September 30, 2017:

Love me or leave me alone-Dustin Lnch

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on September 30, 2017:

Kari - You're awesome! I added this one too! Have a great weekend and healthy relationships!

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on September 30, 2017:

Kari - I've added your suggestion at #60. Thanks a bunch!

Kari on September 29, 2017:

BEAUTIFUL TRAUMA by P!NK (new song!!)

Kari on September 29, 2017:

Familiar Taste of Poison by Halestorm

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on September 25, 2017:

PERSON6543 - Thank you for the suggestion. I've added it!

PERSON6543 on September 25, 2017:

Energy -- Keri Hilson

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on August 27, 2017:

Hi, Brook - Unfaithful is on the list already at #50. Thanks for commenting!

Brook on August 27, 2017:

Unfaithful- Rihanna

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on August 27, 2017:

Suhail & K2 - I love those big hair bands! Have a great week.

Suhail and my dog on August 26, 2017:

Sorry, FlourishAnyway, I read your this message late: "Suhail - Just thought of one from that era and added it in your honor as #41, Bon Jovi, "You Give Love a Bad Name." Any others? Thanks for reading."

That was a perfect add. Thank you!

Cheers!

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on August 16, 2017:

Cheng Liu - Great addition. Both singers are really have a history of messed up relationships. The song has been added at #57. Thanks!

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on August 16, 2017:

Jaylin - Thank you for that suggestion. It's now #56. Have a great day. If you have toxic people in your life, ditch them. Life's too short for games.

Cheng Liu on August 16, 2017:

Eminem and Rihannas single Love the Way you Lie, about their relationships, espically Rihanna and Chris Brown

jaylin on August 16, 2017:

Nicotine by panic! At the disco

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on August 06, 2017:

Hi, Toni - I went ahead and added it because it's on topic and with Weird Al, everyone should know it's not serious. Thanks for stopping by. Have a great week.

Toni on August 05, 2017:

Probably inappropriate as it makes light of domestic abuse but does Weird Al Yankovic's You Don't Love Me Anymore deserve a mention?

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on July 18, 2017:

Rj - Thank you for the suggestions which I have added. I've also added "Love Stinks" to the following playlist: https://hubpages.com/playlists/Leave-Your-Lover-fo...

Rj on July 17, 2017:

Jar of hearts by christine perry -love stinks -the g giels band- strawberry wine by pat benatar-

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on May 13, 2017:

Geetha - Got it at #24! Thanks for your comment. Have a great Mother's Day weekend!

Geetha on May 13, 2017:

Toxic

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on April 07, 2017:

Mona - Makes you wonder what kind of place Hell, Michigan is, huh? And why it's called that.

Grand Old Lady on April 07, 2017:

This is a fantastic list. I feel old, though...I had to play most of the videos to know the songs, haha. My favorite is Ellie Goulding. Oh, and this is the first time that I learned there is a place called Hell, hahaha.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on April 02, 2017:

Anonymous - Yep, already have some that fit that description. Try out the "I'm Here For You Playlist: 65 Songs About Supporting Someone and Being There": https://spinditty.com/playlists/Songs-About-Suppor... . Or, you might try: "74 Songs About Marriage and Long Term Love Relationships" at https://spinditty.com/playlists/Love-Through-the-Y... . Thanks for commenting!

Anonymous on April 02, 2017:

Can we have a list of songs about very healthy relationships to contrast this list?

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on February 01, 2017:

Frances - Oh, a loving and practical man who can cook. He is a definite keeper!

Frances Metcalfe on January 31, 2017:

Wow! What a great article. I love youe style - witty and entertaining. I especially wa amused by your other half's description of what a toxic relationship is. I'm in a loving ( and practical!) relationship and feel very fortunate. He cooks too - how good is that?

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on January 22, 2017:

Martie - Thank you for reading. I'm glad you enjoyed it and think you're right about appreciating what you can. Have a great week.

Martie Coetser from South Africa on January 22, 2017:

Flourish, I love the information you give about each and every song. I can just imagine how much energy and brain power you put into these very handy playlists of yours. Thanks a lot!

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on January 18, 2017:

Linda - Good for you that you choose healthy relationships. More people should follow your lead. I appreciate your stopping by and wish you a wonderful rest of your week.

Linda Crampton from British Columbia, Canada on January 18, 2017:

I love the opening photo in this article. It's very appropriate! I'm lucky that I've never been in a toxic relationship. It was certainly interesting to read about this unfortunate situation, though.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on January 18, 2017:

Genna - May he eat his heart out. From prison or wherever he is.

Genna East from Massachusetts, USA on January 18, 2017:

Amen! But I remember one of them when I was still a teenager. And once was definitely enough. :-)

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on January 18, 2017:

Genna - Bad boys that can't hold a job, don't show up timely and treat you right have no appeal here! I sure don't see it. Thanks for reading. I've added your two songs. Have a wonderful week ahead.

Genna East from Massachusetts, USA on January 18, 2017:

I remember when those handsome, bad boys could be attractive when we were very young, but thankfully we grew out of that. Didn't we? (Lol.) Yet another impressive list of songs. The only one could think of was "You're No Good," by Linda Ronstadt and Carly Simon's song, allegedly about Mick Jagger -- I can't think of the name of it -- "You're So Vain"?

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on January 17, 2017:

Gypsy Rose - Sign of the times, indeed! Thank you for stopping by! Glad you enjoyed it. Have a great week!

Gypsy Rose Lee from Daytona Beach, Florida on January 16, 2017:

Another very well done hub. WOW I didn't realize there was so much music on toxic relationships. Must be a sign of the times.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on January 16, 2017:

MsDora - I know, right!?! Real love shouldn't hurt at all. Thank you for your kind compliment. Have a lovely week.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on January 16, 2017:

Heidi - Glad you enjoyed this! I've added your song suggestion. George Michael sure was the bomb. (RIP George.) I always thought Father Figure was a little messed up, too, from a relationship point of view, but I LOVED that song. Have a great week!

Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on January 16, 2017:

"Hurt so good?" We have to pity those who get so accustomed to being hurt that they associate it with love. I like how you interject the tables and polls in this and other articles to make the readers stop and think. Great job!

Heidi Thorne from Chicago Area on January 16, 2017:

Even though about a not-so-great situation, there are some good tracks on this list!

I'd add "Everything She Wants" from the late, great George Michael and Wham.

Happy Monday!

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on January 16, 2017:

Jo - It's a good thing you don't do toxic relationships. They do seem to be quite the topic in music though and the lyrics make me glad I don't partake. Thanks for reading anyhow! Crying Creek is a creek between I-40 and Gatlinburg, TN.

Jo Miller from Tennessee on January 16, 2017:

Great lists again, but, like others here, I have a hard time relating. Now I have to go look up Crying Creek, TN. Never heard of it.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on January 15, 2017:

Linda - Yes, my reliable and conscientious husband doesn't do "toxic" either. We've been married over 25 years, and hope to one day be where you are. Congratulations on such a long and successful marriage!

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on January 15, 2017:

Kryiaki - Having no experience with toxic relationships is a good thing! Count yourself lucky! Some of the popular music seems to indication toxic relationships are almost the norm these days, but balanced and healthy relationships are much more fun in the long run. Have a wonderful week!

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on January 15, 2017:

Suhail - Just thought of one from that era and added it in your honor as #41, Bon Jovi, "You Give Love a Bad Name." Any others? Thanks for reading.

Linda Lum from Washington State, USA on January 15, 2017:

Flourish - It was difficult for me to get into this one because a "toxic relationship" could not be any further from where I am. Thankfully, I have been blessed by being with a man who loves me (warts and all) and has for 4 decades. But, needless to say, you've got a good list here.

Kyriaki Chatzi on January 15, 2017:

Being a textbook millennial, I can honestly say that know just a song or two from this list. Luckily, I am also clueless when it comes to toxic relationships. Even so, I enjoyed reading your list and listening to new tunes. Thanks for sharing, FlourishAnyway. You never disappoint!

Suhail Zubaid aka Clark Kent from Mississauga, ON on January 15, 2017:

FlourishAnyway,

Great list and I got to listen to some of them, but there is none from hard rock / heavy metal glam of 1980s ha-ha.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on January 15, 2017:

Larry - Glad you enjoyed. Have a great weekend. Looking forward to reading more Larry writing.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on January 15, 2017:

Bill - There are some really good songs on this list. Sometimes hearing about the bad relationships can make you appreciate a good relationship even more! Have a wonderful weekend!

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on January 15, 2017:

cheaptrick - Absolutely hilarious, dark little poem. Anyone who has been through a nasty divorce would really appreciate it. (I'll send it my sister's way!) Thank you for reading and for your clever comment.

Larry Rankin from Oklahoma on January 15, 2017:

Great list!

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on January 15, 2017:

Gosh, I couldn't think of a single one. I feel pretty good about that. LOL Seriously, not one toxic relationship song would come to mind. Even going over your list, I only recognized two of them. Maybe I'm listening to positive songs and I didn't even know it. :)

cheaptrick from the bridge of sighs on January 14, 2017:

Quite a collection I must say.The dynamic of these relationships has always escaped me.I find them paradoxical.

As a man devoted to loving women my whole life,I've had my share of 'frustrating' partners as well.So here's a poem by Jeff Ross I hope will make light of these diametric relationships;It's titled

"I miss her sometimes"

I ran into my ex

the other day

then

I backed up

and ran into her again

I miss her sometimes.

Rest assured the eternal flame of romantic love will never be extinguished;On the contrary,it may engulf All our hearts in the end.

Loved your hub,excellent effort.