FlourishAnyway believes there is a playlist for just about any situation and is on a mission to unite and entertain the world through song.
The Dangerous, Ugly Cycle of Domestic Violence
Chances are that you know someone who abuses his or her partner or children. They could be a relative, coworker, neighbor, someone you go to church with, even your child's teacher or coach.
Perhaps you want to dismiss that as an unlikely possibility or as someone else's problem. However, domestic abuse crosses all socioeconomic, demographic, and religious boundaries. Here's the ugly truth:
- Every nine seconds in the United States, a woman is beaten.
- Ten million American children are exposed to domestic violence each year.
- Long-term impacts of child abuse include higher risks of smoking, drinking, and sexual activity at an early age; illicit substance abuse; criminal activity; teen pregnancy; adult psychopathology and suicide; and even heart and liver disease decades later.
- Children who grew up in abusive homes are at a three-fold risk of perpetuating the cycle.
Outside of the secrecy of home, the vast majority of abusers are law-abiding citizens without criminal records. However, the trauma that they inflict can last a lifetime.
One way you can help spread awareness about the epidemic of domestic violence and child abuse is through music. Make a playlist of pop, rock, and country songs about this painful, moving topic that impacts so many lives.
You can also be attentive. Lives may depend on you noticing and reporting what you see. (Click here to learn about traits and warning signs of abusers or here regarding what to do if you think someone is abusing a child.)
1. "Concrete Angel" by Martina McBride
This heart wrenching 2002 country song features an abused little girl who packs her own lunch and walks to school in the same dress she wore yesterday. She hides bruises and the awful secret of how they got there.
Although a teacher wonders about the child's home life, no one dares to ask or intervene. Without a lifeline, the sad little girl becomes a cemetery concrete angel, eyes cast skyward. Her spirit flies away to a place where she is finally loved.
2. "Cherry Wine" by Hozier
Conveyed from the perspective of the battered partner, this 2016 pop song highlights the confusion, justification, and self-blame felt in abusive love relationships. The narrator is involved with a woman with an icy stare and a bad temper, and he unfortunately mistakes her outbursts as love:
The way she shows me I'm hers and she is mine
Open hand or closed fist would be fine
The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine.
3. "Luka" by Suzanne Vega
Abuse victims often provide similar rationales to others for their wounds: "I'm clumsy" or "I walked into the door again." Those are some of the reasons the protagonist gives for her injuries. She is a young girl named Luka, and she addresses a downstairs neighbor in her apartment building who must've heard the abuse late at night. Dutifully trying to protect her abuser(s), Luka tries to convince the neighbor that it's all under control.
The 1987 pop tune became an international hit. This was the same year that lawyer Joel Steinberg and companion Hedda Nussbaum were charged with the beating and subsequent death of an illegally adopted six-year-old child in their care. The case received national attention.
Steinberg ultimately was convicted of manslaughter but is out on parole today. Meanwhile, Nussbaum, a battered person herself, escaped punishment and now lives under an assumed name.
4. "Never Again" by Nickelback
Children who are trapped in their parents' abusive marriages experience more trauma than their parents understand. In this 2002 rock song, a child describes his drunken father using his mother as a punching bag. He subsequently instructs her to tell the emergency room nurse that she slipped and fell.
When the violence repeats itself, the battered woman pulls a gun on her husband in self-defense. All of their lives are about to change permanently.
5. "Alyssa Lies" by Jason Michael Carroll
Based on a true story of a little girl who was abused, this 2007 country song was so emotionally grueling to write that it took the singer-songwriter two years to complete. It also gave him migraines.
The tune portrays a girl whose school playmate lies to classmates and others about her bruises to protect her abuser. The daughter realizes something is wrong and asks her father why Alyssa lies. Before the father could report the suspicions to authorities, the classmate had been beaten to death by her abuser.
6. "Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson
This 2005 ballad reached the top of the charts and became an international hit. It describes the lasting impact of growing up with psychological abuse. The narrator attributes her overcautious, untrusting tendencies and fear of taking chances to her father. The harsh criticism she endured has left her with a deep sense of shame.
7. "Behind the Wall" by Tracy Chapman
Every night the neighbor in this 1987 pop song hears the screaming and loud voices in the adjoining apartment. From experience, she has learned that it's pointless to call the police because nothing will be done.
Not being able to help makes her feel victimized as well:
And when they arrive
They say they can't interfere
With domestic affairs
Between a man and his wife
And as they walk out the door
The tears well up in her eyes.
8. "Kiss With a Fist" by Florence + The Machine
These two so-called lovers need to be separated for their own safety. Neither love nor affection is supposed to physically hurt, but the narrator in this 2008 pop song doesn't understand that.
She and her lover trade escalating hits, punches, slaps, and even broken bones. They confuse their mutual violence for love or something like it. Hey, break it up, go get healthy, and don't date anyone until you do. (Florence Welch alleges this song isn't about domestic violence, but I'm not buying it.)
9. "The Little Girl" by John Michael Montgomery
Even if you aren't religious, this 2000 country song will tug at your heart. It describes the young daughter of an alcoholic father and drug-addicted mother. The child thought she was fending for herself.
Poorly parented, the girl was left alone to watch television all day while her parents battled each other and gave in to the worst of their substance abuse. During the most unbearable moments, she hid in fear behind the family sofa. That's where she crouched when her enraged father turned a gun on both her mother and himself one night, making her an orphan.
In her foster home, she went to Sunday school for the first time and saw a picture of Jesus on the cross. Immediately, she recognized Him as the same man who hid behind the couch with her that fateful night.
10. "Run for Your Life" by The Beatles
When you think of The Beatles, chances are the first thing that pops into your mind is not the misogynistic death threat in this 1965 rock song. However, let's be honest: Mr. Peace and Love, John Lennon, did hit women and children.
Primarily a Lennon composition, this sinister ditty speaks for itself:
Well, I'd rather see you dead, little girl
Than to be with another man
You better keep your head, little girl
Or you won't know where I am.
11. "Warrior" by Demi Lovato
The narrator in this 2012 pop song recalls experiencing childhood trauma, a criminal act that changed her forever. She regrets that she was forced to grow up too fast and for so long felt broken and bruised. However, now, she wears her pain like a battle scar and describes herself as a warrior and a survivor.
Studies show that one in five girls and one in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse, although these numbers could be higher because such abuse is often not reported.
12. "Hush" by Hellyeah
Frontman Chad Gray and others like him have grown up within an abusive environment that many of us can only imagine. This 2014 heavy metal song is about that hell. It describes what can go on in emotionally and physically unsafe homes: insulting names, beatings to the point that the narrator peed his pants, screams, and strangleholds.
The song was meant to spark conversations about domestic violence. Chad Gray wanted others who had experienced abuse like he did to know that they are not alone. He also had this message about domestic violence:
Life is full of forgiveness, and I’ve had to forgive to live a more settled life. So forgive, lay down your arms, be a better person and take a stand with me.
13. "Gunpowder and Lead" by Miranda Lambert
Don't try this at home. In this sassy 2007 country song, the narrator was beaten by her live-in lover. Now, she's toting a loaded gun and is seeking revenge.
After topping up on liquid courage, she waits by the front door with a loaded shotgun, cigarette hanging from her lips. She's waiting for her abuser to return from his all-too-brief stint in jail.
Ominously, she warns, "His fist is big, but my gun's bigger. He'll find out when I pull the trigger."
14. "Two Beds and a Coffee Machine" by Savage Garden
Trapped in a relationship where she's a human punching bag, the woman in this haunting 1999 pop song often takes her kids and escapes the abuse, even if it's just for a short time. They spend the night in cheap hotels with two beds and a coffee machine.
Unfortunately, with groceries and other bills, she feels the economic pressure to keep returning home. She wonders how they will ever make it through.
15. "What's the Matter Here?" by 10,000 Maniacs
Bystanders are so afraid to get involved, but that's one reason why an estimated five children die every day from child abuse and neglect. Natalie Merchant, who wrote the song, based it on a real family who once lived nearby.
The 1987 rock song profiles a woman who realizes that her neighbors are abusing their young son. She hears the threats of violence and sees their half-naked child run into the yard, looking for a place to hide. Rather than calling authorities, however, she hesitates, struggling with whether to speak up or continue to mind her own business. What would you do?
16. "Church Bells" by Carrie Underwood
This darkly entertaining country song from 2015 tells the story of a poor but beautiful girl, Jenny, who married a millionaire. However, the trouble was this: he was an angry and violent drunk, and all the money in the world couldn't make up for that fact.
Eventually, Jenny grew tired of being on the receiving end of black eyes and bruises, so she slipped a permanent solution into her old man's whiskey. And then they were even.
17. "I'm OK" by Christina Aguilera
According to this 2002 pop song, when you grow up in a home where there is domestic violence, reaching adulthood is like surviving years living in a combat zone. The bruises and marks fade, but the guilt and anguish have left permanent scars. Despite her father's abuse against her mother, the narrator provides reassurance that she's made it out okay.
18. "Love the Way You Lie" by Eminem (Featuring Rihanna)
The push and pull of a mutually addictive, brutal relationship—that's what this 2009 song is about. And the artists who sing it should know a thing or two about the topic, as they've each been involved in toxic love affairs.
The international chart-topper depicts the cycle of violent aggression between lovers, the lies that it will never happen again, and the justifications for not walking away from the unhealthy relationship.
19. "Rearview Mirror" by Pearl Jam
Home is supposed to be a safe place, but the young man in this 1993 rock song has endured years of beatings, humiliation, and fear there. As he drives away from the horrors of his past, he feels emancipation, and he sees the abusive situation more clearly in his rearview mirror.
20. "Oh, Mother" by Christina Aguilera
This tender pop song from 2006 addresses the narrator's mother who was a victim of spousal abuse for years. Her mother covered up her own cuts and bruises, but when her husband turned his violent rage on the kids, she decided that was it. The narrator thanks her mother for her bravery and reassures her that together they will always pull through.
Even More Songs About Domestic Violence and Child Abuse
21. Janie's Got a Gun
22. His Hands
23. Black and Blue
24. Pulling Teeth
25. Kristy, Are You Doing Okay?
26. Devil in a Midnight Mass
27. Independence Day
28. Levi Stubbs' Tears
29. Good Enough
31. Holy Water
Big & Rich
32. Johnny Get Angry
33. Goodbye Earl
34. Call Me Guilty
35. Hell is for Children
36. For The Love of a Daughter
37. Blown Away
38. Broken Girl
40. 11th Commandment
43. Dear Father
44. Nobody Wins
45. Tell Me Why
Michael W. Smith
47. He Hit Me (And It Felt Like a Kiss)
48. 30 Minute Break
The Luka State
49. Dear Mr. Jesus
50. Open Wounds
51. Bang and Blame
52. Don't Leave Me Now
53. Amy in the White Coat
55. Ask Me
56. Do You Know Where Your Children Are?
57. Runaway Love
Ludacris (Featuring Mary J. Blige)
Siouxdie and The Banshees
60. Evening Shade
61. A Child Called "It"
62. Oh, Father
63. Don't Let Daddy Kiss Me
64. Nowhere to Stand
k.d. lang and The Reclines
65. Hands Clean
66. Daddy's Little Defect
68. I Would Be Stronger Than That
69. A Man's Home Is His Castle
70. Black Eyes, Blue Tears
71. Hotter Than Hell
72. Vicious Love
New Found Glory
73. Cold Case Love
74. Hey Men
Men Without Hats
75. In The Night
76. Russian Roulette
77. Bang Bang
78. Little Toy Guns
79. Daddy's Girl
81. The Stairs
Lana Del Rey
84. Elastic Heart
85. Please Don't Believe Me
Terry Sue Crawford
86. It Shouldn't Hurt to Be a Child
Hollow Hearts Ft: Calli Kathleen.
87. Daddy, Did You Know?
88. Only Women Bleed
89. Face Down
The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
91. Mother Dear
93. Sarah Yellin'
3 Doors Down
94. Justified Black Eye
96. What She Had to
97. I Am, I Feel
98. Woman in the Wall
The Beautiful South
99. Broken Wing
101. Her Demon
Hollow Hearts Infectious (Featuring Calli Kathleen)
102. Father of Mine
103. Miss Me More
104. Too. Beautiful
He Is We
106. Old Apartment
108. Blue Flashing Light
109. Copper Bullets
110. The Last to Say
111. Milk & Cookies
113. Mary Jane
114. Give Her the Gun
115. I'm So Sorry
116. In Hell I'll Be in Good Company
The Dead South
117. Black Hole Sun
118. Hide the Hurt
119. Tear-Stained Letter
120. Remember Everything
Five Finger Death Punch
© 2017 FlourishAnyway
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on May 26, 2020:
Pray - Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you all the best in your future. Please take good care of yourself and those you love.
Pray on May 25, 2020:
I know just how bad it is to be abused my father did drugs he passed three months ago my mother abused me I had no friends I had nothing, but in six months I will be getting adopted and I now have a boyfriend who means the world to me
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on May 22, 2020:
Mandy - Thanks for the song recommendation.
Mandy on May 21, 2020:
Under Your Spell by The Birthday Massacre is very powerful.
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on April 13, 2020:
Peggy - It's sad to realize how prevalent it is and how we all probably know someone who is or has been a victim.
Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on April 12, 2020:
Those statistics regarding domestic violence, as well as child abuse, are terrible. It is so sad that so many people suffer the results of having experienced it. I never realized that it spurred so many songs. I guess I should not be surprised.
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on April 01, 2020:
Katie - Thank you for this song recommendation. I added it.
Katie on March 31, 2020:
Hold on - Nissim black
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on February 16, 2020:
Dan - Thanks for the suggestion. I'm adding the song.
Dan on February 14, 2020:
Give her the gun by Dio
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on February 04, 2020:
Raiukage - Thanks for these recommendations.
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on February 04, 2020:
Katt - Thank you for the suggestions. Looking at the lyrics of her songs is so disturbing. You wonder what inspired that kind of creativity.
Raiukage on January 31, 2020:
Perfect, by Alanis Morisette. Psychological rather than physical, but I still remember the chills I felt the first time I heard it as a child.
Also, Mary Jane, from the same album.
Katt Jones on January 31, 2020:
I have a list:
A Million Men
Show & Tell
Mrs. Potato Head
Tag, You're It
Milk & Cookies
by Melanie Martinez
(Mentions sexual abuse & harrassment, affairs, bullying, & child abuse & endangerment)
Just 2 name a few of her songs cuz there's so many of them.....
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on January 28, 2020:
Zack - Yes, it is -- in Korn style. Thanks for the suggestion. It's so sad when people inflict violence on others, especially those they are supposed to love.
zack on January 28, 2020:
daddy -- korn
be warned, it's SUPER messed up and graphic
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on December 27, 2019:
Lucia - I've added your song suggestion. Please be safe and know that you deserve respect and love in your life, not violence. It's better to be without a partner than to have an abusive one. All the best to you, sweet lady.
Lucia on December 25, 2019:
Last to say but atmosphere. While in an abusive relationship myself one of my friends I reached out Afterwards to showed me this song.
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on December 05, 2019:
LaustCawz - Thanks for your comment. That Judith Leekin was a horrible woman. I can only hope that she will receive justice in one way or another. Jail is not bad enough for a person like that. I have a narcissism and arrogant self-love playlist (although not necessarily restricted to parents): https://hubpages.com/playlists/The-Narcissists-Pla...
LaustCawz on December 04, 2019:
Flourish Anyway--Re: "Luka":
Suzanne Vega wrote the song using the name of a boy who lived in the same building she did. He showed no evidence or sign of having been abused, but she wanted to write a song about the issue.
Btw, if you can find a spare moment, I suggest you research a much more invisible form of abuse--narcissistic parents/guardians. Also, look up the queen of child abuse (but apparently only towards the many children she adopted)--Judith Leekin.
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on November 17, 2019:
Jimmy - Thank you for the comment. She has displayed strength and courage moving on from a difficult circumstance. Sadly, too many young people are in the same situation she was, but perhaps she gives them a guiding example of emotional survival.
jimmy on November 13, 2019:
kelly clarkson wrote her song because of you in under 25 minutes at the age of 16 as a way of coping with her parents' divorce. Additionally she had a troubling relationship with her father I think.
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on November 10, 2019:
Anna Lou - Thanks for the suggestion. The story behind that is a sad one and the one told in the rap is really tragic.
Anna Lou on November 09, 2019:
May I suggest Love is Blind by the rapper Eve
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on October 21, 2019:
Lugann - Thanks for the suggestion which I have added. I can see the parents' concerns but they're artists with a message.
Lugann on October 18, 2019:
Copper Bullets by the Warning. Amazing when you consider the writer (14 or 15 at the time) and her sisters had to dispute it's inclusion on the album they were recording. Their parents felt the content was a bit much for young teens to have penned let alone, lay down the track.
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on October 18, 2019:
Krista - Cherry Wine is already on the list at #2, but I added two of the other suggestions. Thank you for your comment and have a great weekend.
Krista on October 17, 2019:
Re-offender and Blue Flashing Light by Travis
Take Your Time by Sam Hunt
Cherry Wine by Hozier
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on July 31, 2019:
shenard - Thanks for the suggestion!
shenard on July 31, 2019:
What about KoRn "Daddy?
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on May 16, 2019:
Lachlan Brown - Thanks for the suggestion which I added. Although the band alleges it's about nostalgia for living in an old place rather than domestic violence, I don't buy that. The references to punching the hole in the wall and tearing the phone out of the wall suggest violence, not "memories." Thank you!
Lachlan Brown on May 14, 2019:
Old Apartment by Barenaked Ladies
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on May 13, 2019:
Lachlan Brown - Thank you for the suggestion.
Lachlan Brown on May 12, 2019:
Torn by Natalie Imbruglia
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on April 20, 2019:
Bill Tell- Thank you for this song recommendation which I've added.
Bill Tell on April 20, 2019:
"Evidence" by Tara MacLean should definitely be included in this list. It is a powerful song. "Can you hear the child in tears, Whose paradise was taken from his hands?" and "Can you hear the child in tears,
Whose innocence was stolen from her hands?" speak for themselves.
Robert Sacchi on March 30, 2019:
Yes, that seems to fit better.
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on March 30, 2019:
Bob - I'm going to add this to the playlist of songs about stalking and obsessive love if it's not already on there. Thanks for the suggestion.
Robert Sacchi on March 29, 2019:
What about "Delilah" by Tom Jones.
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on March 29, 2019:
M - Thank you for this suggestion. I'm adding it. Be well and spread the message that domestic violence and child abuse are unacceptable.
M on March 28, 2019:
A song that I think would really fit in this list is too beautiful by he is we. Check it out
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on March 24, 2019:
babs181 - Thank you for that suggestion. It certainly speaks to all the emotional manipulation of domestic violence.
babs181 on March 23, 2019:
Not sure if this has already been mentioned, but Kelsea Ballerini, miss me more is my new anthem
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on February 16, 2019:
poozybear - I'm so sorry you had to deal with this (and will always deal with its legacy). Unfortunately, when it comes to parenting, people can only give to their children what they have. A mentally ill parent like your mother doesn't necessarily have the appropriate emotional resources to share. I hope you are working with a good quality professional therapist to help you work through the impacts. I hope you find peace, emotional and physical safety, and positive, fulfilling relationships so the cycle of abuse is broken. Thank you for sharing. All the best, FlourishAnyway
poozybear on February 16, 2019:
I had a mother with NPD who subjected me to emotional abuse, sabotage and gaslighting. The lyrics in the Everclear song that speak to me (and to others who have suffered similar abuse) are:
I will never be safe
I will never be sane
I will always be weird inside
I will always be lame
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on February 16, 2019:
poozybear - That's a sad child abandonment song. What's saddest is that it was autobiographical for the lead singer of Everclear. I'm sorry that you can relate to it.
poozybear on February 15, 2019:
One I've always related to, about child abuse:
"Father of Mine" by Everclear
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on February 10, 2019:
Xen - Thank you for your list of song suggestions. I've had a chance to go through them and have added them to the appropriate playlists, including the playlist about perfection and struggling to be perfect; stalkers and obsessive love; and losers and failing. Even the ones that didn't fit may have sparked an idea or two for future playlists. Thank you! I appreciate you!
Xen NGU on February 08, 2019:
IDK how fitting these are but I think they do.
Numb by Linkin Park
Perfect by Alanis Morissette
Skyscraper - Demi Lovato
Spiderwebs - No Doubt - stalking harassment
Amy by Green Day - Amy Winehouse's who was abused
The Kids Aren't Alright by The Offspring
Wrong Way by Sublime
Polly by Nirvana - a serial rapist abducts 14 year old girl
Mother by John Lennon
I am certain I have more in my collection...my life experiences have given me a sensitivity and I tend tie songs into my personal broad definition of abuse. Even when others do not see the context.... Like songs about toxic relationships and bad break-ups, songs about self abuse..
Well good list, I had most of those myself but I got a few new ones and was remind of some...like Indepence Day..I totally forgot and I loved that song when I was a kid.
I hope to hear back on my suggestions if you think they work. I can extrapolate more too.
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on February 03, 2019:
Drew - There is tragic underreporting of domestic violence and child abuse across the spectrum, and males (particularly grown men) are certainly among the invisible victims. In my professional and personal life, I have encountered several men who have been battered (albeit there were dozens of women too). We all know someone, whether we realize it or not.
My intent here in this playlist is to simply raise awareness. The lead photo had to portray someone, and I chose a photo with a female because the statistics indicate that females are the victims of reported abuse at higher rates. This is not to minimize the experience of males.
You're right that women tend to perpetrate certain types of abuse at slightly higher rates than men. Boys also have higher rates of fatality from child abuse than girls. However, it's important not to make broad inferences that women are chiefly responsible for this epidemic, this cycle of violence. We ALL must own this tragedy.
I tried to be careful to present information from credible sources such as the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and academic journals, to provide statistics for both males and females, and to use gender-neutral language such as "partner" where appropriate. If I fell short, I hope you'll consider that it was designed as a playlist rather than an article on domestic violence per se.
Wishing you well. Thank you for your comment.
Drew on February 03, 2019:
Thanks for this list but I want to say something but I'm not trying to sound like a jerk I almost did not go through this list when I first came to this because the very first thing I saw was a picture with words in it and it was giving us the statistic of domestic violence victims and it only gave one statistic and that was domestic violence against women. I just think it is 2019 and we know that men are almost victims of domestic violence as much as women and that women are fully capable of doing just as much damage if not more so than men we also know that children that are abused have a 50/50 chance of either becoming another abuser or they are the complete opposite end of the spectrum. Child abuse statistics show that young boys are abused at a much higher rate than girls and that the abuse done to young boys results in death much more frquently than what is done to girls. We also have learned that most child abuse is committed by the mother like 70-something percent it's outrageous. I think all this shows some type of causation here. When women abuse their children they start the cycle and are largely responsible for creating the animal that grows up and becomes an abuser of women so it's so much more complicated than just saying men just beat women it's nothing like that it's never been like that we just didn't acknowledge it or realize it until recently. Perfect example of this up until just a few years ago in the United States the very definition of rape was gender-biased it was specific to women being a victim which sent a message that if you were a man you couldn't be raped or sexually assaulted but if you include prison rapes and you should because it doesn't matter where it happens rape is rape men are victims of sexual assaults more than women I think things like this that draw attention to the subject are wonderful but seeing its 2019 we need to get our act together and quit being gender-biased about this stuff because we're not that dumb anymore this is not 1945
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on January 23, 2019:
Kate - This is awful and I'm sorry that both of you have had to endure this abusive behavior. She can't possibly be well enough to work or exist in any manner outside the home. It does sound like you have a plan, although I hate that you both have to wait that long for it to come to fruition. Please consider calling the resources listed above in the article. You don't have to move as far away as Germany, just to another state and cut contact with her. Most of all, take care of yourself.
Kate on January 21, 2019:
Candle Queen fairly accurately depicts my mom's attitude and life path. Everything, from a dropped plate of food, to a stubbed toe is deserving of a full on crying meltdown. We are expected to say nothing, even give her emotional support, or else we're "abusing her". We're also expected to do everything for her (she doesn't view it that way).
She gets upset about the most arbitrary and harmful ( to us) things. Example: she gets upset every time my underweight 6'2" teen brother (he looks like a stick) tries to eat. She won't make food, she won't allow him to make food, she wont buy anything (like carrots or apples) that don't require prep, and she won't allow him to go out to eat. I try to slip him as much food as I can manage when I come home from college (where I do my own shopping). Its a similar situation with laundry.
If you don't think it is abuse, I just started having roommates this past term. They keep observing weird behavior from me. I keep expecting them to verbally attack me for minor infractions. I apologize more than most people. I keep trying to clean for them when they start cleaning, I have to stave off a panic attack every time someone comes into the kitchen while I am cooking, weird crap like that.
I am graduating from college in 6 months. My brother leaves for college in 9. She has about a year to figure her stuff out before I get enough money to live in an apartment. At that point, I will be letting my brother crash at my apartment during the summers, and once I have enough language skills and money saved up, I am moving to Germany (I live in the US).
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on January 05, 2019:
I - Thanks for the suggestion.
I on January 03, 2019:
Maybe Superheroes by the Script?
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on December 19, 2018:
Katie - Thank you for the song suggestion which I am adding. Please take good care of yourself. If you are in crisis, please contact 911, the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). I'm sorry this topic resonates with you.
Katie on December 18, 2018:
Back again with another song suggestion: Her Demon by Hollow Hearts & Infectious ft: Calli Kathleen.
This one really hits home with me.
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on November 12, 2018:
Bill - Thank you for the suggestion. I added it for our metal fans. Have a good week.
Bill on November 12, 2018:
Facade by Disturbed is another one, for those who like heavier music.
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on September 26, 2018:
I'mTryingtoSurvive - This hurts my heart to know that it's going on in your home. You are absolutely not to blame for this, not one iota. Please tell a responsible adult, whether that is your mother, another relative, trusted teacher or school counselor. You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or RAINN's National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE(4673) or chat online at https://hotline.rainn.org/online/. My kindest thoughts are with you dear one.
I'mTryingtoSurvive on September 25, 2018:
My stepdad is sexually and verbally abuse and I hate the thought of someone else going through what I have to go through. I feel like some people just don't realize how often it actually happens
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on September 24, 2018:
Asbjørn Søllested - Thank you for the song suggestion which I have added at 95. Have a great week. Be happy and well.
Asbjørn Søllested on September 23, 2018:
Revenge by Papa roach?
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on June 20, 2018:
StayCSarcastic - Thank you for the song suggestion. I have added it to the playlist. Be well and have a good week.
StayCSarcastic on June 19, 2018:
Justified Black Eye - Tony Sly (Acoustic Version)
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on June 16, 2018:
Harleen - Thank you for those additions. I appreciate you. Have a good weekend.
Harleen on June 16, 2018:
Here’s two more: “Alive” by Pearl Jam and “Sarah Yellin’” by 3 Doors Down
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on June 09, 2018:
Cynthia - That's so sad. How in the world does one ever gain that trust when so many boundaries have been violated? Thanks for sharing your experience working with survivors.
Cynthia Zirkwitz from Vancouver Island, Canada on June 09, 2018:
Good job, as always, in researching the music that goes with emotionally-wrenching life events. "Luka" really stood out for me-- I was working in domestic abuse at the time, in a shelter with children who had been to hell and back, seeing their mothers beaten, being neglected and abused themselves. One of the saddest stories I ever heard was from a young woman who was abused by her father-- physically, emotionally, sexually-- and no one ever intervened. She trusted no one.
Robert Sacchi on June 09, 2018:
Yes, definitely. http://www.autism-society.org/
Heather, does your cousin live near you?
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on June 09, 2018:
Robert - Heather might also consider local, regional, and national Autism organizations such as the Autism Society of America. Or contact an attorney.
Robert Sacchi on June 09, 2018:
Heather, that's horrible. Are other family members aware of the situation?
Have you contacted your local ARC chapter
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on June 08, 2018:
Heather - Don't give up. Start writing letters and send them certified mail, marked "URGENT." Keep a copy. Send a copy to the Governor if you must.
Heather on June 07, 2018:
my 4 year old cousin who's autistic and cant speak is starved beaten and neglected. Ive told all the so called right people and all they say are "sorry about that": Someone needs to do something before its to late.
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on April 29, 2018:
Dear Janey - Your personal story is so important for others to read. Someone who is close to me has experienced and still experiences threats of violence to herself and her children from her mentally ill husband (whom she is divorcing). I include her story here: https://hubpages.com/problems/Divorce-and-Intimate...
Continue to be strong and vigilant and know that you are not alone. Thank you for sharing your story so that others can realize they are not alone either! All the best to you.
Janey Finnie on April 29, 2018:
Hi I was a victim of Domestic violence for 13 years I have now been away from him for two years I had to get a restraining order against him for three years but he still manages to abuse me the police have being looking for him for 3 weeks. The state I still have to live in is bad but it's not hell living with him was hell but every time I walk into my hallway I cry because of all the locked and bolts all the way up my door I'm embarrassed to have anyone over because then they'll think I'm paranoid but the police done a risk check on my ex partner and because the scores he hit were high there just trying to keep me safe till they find him but I urge anyone who's being abused both mentally and physically there's lots of help out there and the abuser never needs to no about the help you're giving even if they phone you and your abuser is sitting with you they're highly trained like I had a safe word like if I said I'm already with a good phone provider they would know my abuser was with me so they would just say thanks for your time goodbye, that really helped me and. I'm not saying it's easy because it's not but it's so worth it I've had times when I've wanted to go back with my ex but didn't understand why that was intill I was told to google toxic bonds then it made sense I wasn't missing my ex my body and hormones were getting messed up because the toxins the body releases after the abuse it's very interesting infact I think teenagers should be taught at school what happens in abusive relationship because a lot of young people confuse the chemicals that you're body releases you think that you love the person GOOGLE TOXIC BONDS then you'll all no what I'm meaning I started going with my abuser when I had just turned 16 then I was pregnant within weeks but if I had known about toxic bonds I wouldn't have stayed with him but I had to walk my path and it's only made me a stronger person thanks very much Flourish the playlist helped me sending my prayers love and hugs to everyone may love and light BLESS USE ALL.
Robert Sacchi on March 25, 2018:
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on March 25, 2018:
Bob - Thanks for the song suggestion. I've added it to both this playlist and the following playlist about stalkers, creepers, and obsessive love: https://hubpages.com/genres/50-Songs-About-Stalker...
Robert Sacchi on March 25, 2018:
Would Delilah fall into this category?
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on March 24, 2018:
Aaron - Thanks for that song suggestion. I've added it to the list at #89. Have a good weekend.
Aaron on March 24, 2018:
Ummm face down by red jumpsuit aparatus
Robert Sacchi on March 05, 2018:
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on March 05, 2018:
Bob - Thanks for your kind comment.
Robert Sacchi on March 05, 2018:
These are powerful songs. Many of them made a definite impact. You did well by posting this article.
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on February 16, 2018:
Katie - Thank you for these suggestions. I have added them. I wish you all the best. - Flourish
Katie on February 15, 2018:
"Please don't believe me" by Terry Sue Crawford or Alan O'Day.
"It shouldn't hurt to be a child" by Hollow Hearts Ft: Calli Kathleen.
Just a few more.
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on February 05, 2018:
imscared - Adding this song. Thank you for the suggestion. Be safe.
imscared on February 05, 2018:
Elastic Heart by Sia definitely works for this situation
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on February 05, 2018:
hatingmydad - PLEASE reach out to the domestic violence hotline listed in this article 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) so that you'll reach someone caring, trained, and able to talk to you one-on-one. You do not deserve to be abused, and there are people who care. Abuse can have immediate impacts upon a person's safety, plus long-term impacts upon a person's self-esteem and how well they are able to function in the world. Please call that number.
hatingmydad on February 05, 2018:
Im abused daily. I don't know who to talk to and I don't like my dad. I dont know what to do. But I know i wanna stay here at home. idk what to do.
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on November 13, 2017:
Tracy Pierce - Although not intended about domestic violence or child abuse, this song is definitely appropriate for the topic. Thank you for the suggestion! I've added it as #83.
Tracy Pierce on November 13, 2017:
Praying by Keisha
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on October 27, 2017:
Catherine - I'm so sorry to hear that you were a victim a child abuse. I think if more people stood up and self-identified, then other victims wouldn't feel so isolated and alone. Thank you for sharing.
Catherine Giordano from Orlando Florida on October 27, 2017:
What I love about your playlists is that you so often call attention to important issues. Child abuse and spousal (mainly wife) abuse are such important issues. Thanks for shining a spotlight on this. I read the intros, but I couldn't bear to listen to the songs. I was a victim of child abuse and I still suffer the effects of it.
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on October 26, 2017:
Anna - If you're talking about HP, I just publish and they pick it up or don't. Then every two weeks you can submit them to one of the niche sites using the buttons at the top of your hub. Hope that helps.
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on October 26, 2017:
Shyron - Thank you so much for your kind words of support. I hope it raises the awareness I imagined. Thinking of you. Have a good week.
Shyron E Shenko from Texas on October 25, 2017:
I tried to search my memory for a song(s) about abuse and came up empty. This is a great hub and it should help people get help if they are being abused.
Blessings my friend.
Anna Haun from USA on October 25, 2017:
Thanks. Where is everyone submitting articles? I've worked all day trying to submit articles.I submitted to search engines today.
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on October 25, 2017:
Anna - Thank you. You are brave. I wish you peace.
Anna Haun from USA on October 25, 2017:
Thank you. If you ever do a follow-up story about the victims of abuse, you can interview me. I don't write on the topic, the closet I came to that subject was human trafficking.