113 Songs About Crushes and Crushing on Someone
FlourishAnyway believes there is a playlist for just about any situation and is on a mission to unite and entertain the world through song.
Crushes: You're More Obvious Than You Believe
Crushes aren't just for teens. Adults get them too.
If your crush is on a coworker, neighbor, classmate, or friend, you probably daydream about taking the relationship to the next level. You earnestly believe your crush is your little secret. However, here's a news flash: the signs you're giving out are like a blinking neon light.
While you pine away and plan your next move, here's a playlist of pop, rock, country, and R&B songs about crushing on someone. Enjoy them as you think about your beloved. If you dare, you could even create a customized songlist and send it to your crush to let them know how you feel. Let us know how it turns out!
1. "Treat You Better" by Shawn Mendes
Oh, wow. He says he'll stop time for her.
The narrator in this 2016 pop hit currently sits squarely in the Friend Zone. However, he's looking for a sign from his crush that she wants to take it to the next level. One little problem: she's another dude's girlfriend. But don't fret because this is not a man who is easily dissuaded. Just give him a sign, girl, and don't take too long.
Should you tell someone you have a crush on them?
2. "You Belong with Me" by Taylor Swift
A crush can sure make you feel like a teenager, even if you aren't. In this 2009 country song, the only obstacle standing between the teenage narrator and her best male friend is his girlfriend.
Citing common interests in music and a shared sense of personal style and music, Taylor Swift's narrator makes it her mission to convince her love interest that what he's been waiting has been here all along.
3. "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" by Sophie B. Hawkins
This 1992 rock song is 50 shades of awesome and sounds like a great pick up line. The narrator takes a look at that tall drink of water she's been crushing on and paints a dirty little picture of what she'd like to do to him:
Damn, I wish I was your lover
I'll rock you till the daylight comes
Make sure you are smilin' and warm
I am everything, tonight I'll be your mother
I will do such things to ease your pain
Free your mind and you won't feel ashamed, oh, oh
Open up on the inside, gonna fill you up, gonna make you cry.
4. "Crush" by David Archuleta
The guy in this 2008 pop song has just realized that he's crushing bad. His thoughts are dominated by his sweetie, he's mesmerized by her, and he feels so tingly he thinks it could be love or something like it. He needs to know whether he's alone in this little love affair or if just maybe she feels the same way.
12 Signs That Someone Has a Crush on You
They typically start the conversation.
They listen intently to you.
They always seem to be nearby.
None of your love interests are good enough for you, in their opinion.
You look over and they are frequently staring at you.
They offer you compliments and small gifts.
They change the subject when you talk about other dating partners.
They joke about dating or crazy what ifs. They talk in future tense about the two of you.
They smile at you a LOT, often with a big goofy grin.
They find excuses to touch you or be alone together.
They remember details about you that others don't.
Others tell you that the person likes you.
5. "Stuck Like Glue" by Sugarland
My teenage daughter described a cute crush story in which she and her best friend (a guy) sat listening to this 2010 country song on repeat. The fella had one earbud in his ear and she had the other in hers. Together they belted out the lyrics to one another. But alas, they date other people.
6. "Into You" by Ariana Grande
The narrator in this 2016 pop song is waiting for her crush to make a move. She wants a little less conversation and a little more action. Everybody's watching. Don't choke, Mr.!
Tell Us About Your Crush in the Comments Section Below
7. "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne
The confident girl in this sassy pop song from 2007 spells it right out. She doesn't like her crush's girlfriend, and time has come for him to find a new one. He deserves better, and she'll give him what he needs.
The narrator then issues him orders. If only it were this easy:
So come over here
And tell me what I wanna hear
Better yet, make your girlfriend disappear
I don't wanna hear you say her name ever again (and again and again).
8. "Crush" by Mandy Moore
In this 2001 pop song, the female narrator is crushing hard on a guy who shares her feelings—but for another girl, not her. Unfortunately, she can't find her backbone yet to let him in on the secret. Therefore, she may be staying in the Friend Zone forever.
9. “Check Yes Or No” by George Strait
If you grew up in a time before cell phones, you probably remember passing those oragami-folded love notes in class. Often, they required check-box answers.
The narrator in this 1995 country song waxes nostalgic about the sweet love notes that he and his wife once passed in elementary school:
Do you love me? Do you want to be my friend?
And if you do, well then don't be afraid to take me by the hand
If you want to
I think this is how love goes
Check yes or no.
10. "Crush" by Yuna (featuring Usher)
There's a mutual crush forming in this 2016 R&B song. Hearts beat a little faster, and the guy tells this lady friend that she's just wasting time with all those other boys.
11. "Clumsy" by Fergie
Most people lose their wits about them when they have a crush. They smile a lot, stare too much, can't find anything to say, and fumble around like they have no thumbs.
This 2007 pop song will remind you of the funny things crushes have said or done. For example, a guy who once had a crush on me turned around after talking to me and walked smack into a telephone pole.
12. "Call Your Girlfriend" by Robyn
Sweedish singer Robyn issues step-by-step instructions to her intended new flame in this very danceable 2010 pop song. You have to admire a woman who knows what she wants, right?
Call your girlfriend
It's time you had the talk
Give your reasons
Say it's not her fault
But you just met somebody new
13. "Beautiful Soul" by Jesse McCartney
The fella in this 2004 pop song claims he just wants his crush and her beautiful soul, but he's also doubting himself a little. He wonders if she's out of his league.
Okay, let's be honest here. In real life, Beauty picks Brad Pitt over the Beast, and Prince Charming picks one of his socialite types rather than Cinderella, the house wench. But it's nice to dream, isn't it?
14. "Girl Crush" by Little Big Town
Hold on. Don't you get all judgmental on me.
If there's one thing this 2014 country ballad is NOT it's typical. The Grammy Award-winning song caused quite a controvery because some fans assumed it was about a lesbian couple.
However, the narrator who is crushing on a girl doesn't want to shag her. She wants everything the other girl has—her long blonde hair, perfume, her lips, and her touch—because they attract the man that she loves. He is the real object of her desire.
15. "I Wanna Be Your Lover” by Prince
Way back in 1979, this chart topper was Prince's first American hit single. It's about a man who yearns to be with his crush and tries to convince her how much better he can treat her than the other men she is accustomed to dating. The narrator doesn't have much money, but he promises to turn his lady love on and be everything she needs.
16. "Yeah Boy" by Kelsea Ballerini
This country song from 2015 was named the best crush song by Radio Disney. Okay, so the song leans young.
The protagonist is entranced by her crush's eyes, and every song on the radio reminds her of him. She wishes he'd wisk her away tonight for a ride in his car and some get-to-know-you-better time.
17. "Can't Fight This Feeling" by REO Speedwagon
A tidal wave of love looms large and threatens to overcome the guy in this 1984 pop song. Yet still he's trying to talk himself into sharing his crush for her. (Don't worry, crushes are often too obvious to stay secrets for long.)
She's been his galpal for awhile, but he's looking at her differently these days. The feeling has become so strong that he just can't hold back.
18. "Fallin' For You" by Colbie Callait
Watch out below because this girl is falling hard for the man in her life. In this 2009 pop song, the narrator is dancing with him and holding his hand but feels tentative about revealing her feelings.
19. "Jessie's Girl" by Rick Springfield
The number one rule of friendship is to keep your hands off each others' significant other. However, the lovesick guy in this classic 1981 pop song can't stop thinking about his best friend's girlfriend. The song was based on a friend named Gary and Gary's girlfriend.
20. "Smile" by Uncle Kracker
Love has done a number on the narrator in this 2009 pop song, and he's gushing with compliments about his crush. She's cooler than the flip side of his pillow and makes him forget how to breathe. In her presence, he loses all composure and becomes like a giddy little girl.
Even More Songs About Crushes and Crushing on Someone
21. Hands To Myself
22. Bad Case of Loving You
24. Baby I
25. Love Story
Boys Like Girls
27. I Want to Hold Your Hand
Tegan and Sara
29. Cupid's Chokehold
Gym Class Heroes (featuring Patrick Stump)
30. So Into You
The Atlanta Rhythm Section
31. First Date
32. Stacy's Mom
Fountains of Wayne
33. I Second That Emotion
34. Call Me Maybe
Carly Rae Jepson
35. I Wanna Know
36. Love You Out Loud
37. She Drives Me Crazy
Fine Young Cannibals
38. Me & U
39. U Got It Bad
41. Baby, I Love Your Way
42. Ain't Even Drinkin'
43. Like This
44. There's Your Trouble
45. Why Don't You Make Up Your Mind?
46. #1 Crush
47. I’m On Fire
48. The Way You Make Me Feel
49. You Really Got Me
50. I Can Love You Better
51. I Try to Think About Elvis
53. One Thing
54. Things I'll Never Say
55. One Time
56. Heartbreak Girl
5 Seconds of Summer
57. Teenage Dream
59. Crazy for You
61. The Search Is Over
62. Don't Cry Joni
Conway Twitty (featuring Joni Lee)
64. Only the Good Die Young
65. Hot for Teacher
66. Leave Your Lover for Me
67. Something to Talk About
70. Secret Love Song
Little Mix (featuring Jason Derulo)
71. Can’t Help Falling in Love
73. Hungry Eyes
74. She's Like the Wind
Patrick Swayze (featuring Wendy Fraser)
Goo Goo Dolls
76. Take Your Time
78. My Eyes Adored You
79. I Wanna Get Next to You
80. This Time I Know It's for Real
81. Can't Take My Eyes Off You
83. Sober Up
AJR (featuring Rivers Cuomo)
86. As If
87. Teardrops on My Guitar
88. What I Go To School For
Selena Gomez & The Scene
Nick Jonas (featuring Tove Lo)
91. One Day
92. Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic
97. Girls Like You
98. Singles You Up
99. Black Butterflies & Déjà Vu
Martin Solveig (featuring Dragonette)
Carolyn Dawn Johnson
Chevy (featuring Park bird)
105. Don't Ever Let It End
106. Notice Me
109. Nobody Love
110. Heartbeat Song
111. Stop Standing There
112. I Really Like You
Carly Rae Jepson
113. Brand New Key
114. The Tide Is High
115. Can't Blame a Girl for Trying
116. Had Me @ Hello
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Questions & Answers
I want to tell my crush how much I love him, but I am very awkward and afraid of damaging our friendship. He already has a girlfriend, but he doesn't like her. He likes me instead. He never wants to be with his girlfriend; he only wants to be with me. He means the world to me, but he has no clue how I feel. Should I tell him how I feel?
I'm concerned that you're getting ahead of yourself. First, you know that he's dating someone else, so honor that. If he truly didn't like her or want to be with her, he'd break up with her. Give him the space to figure that out for himself instead of being the cause of it. You wouldn't want anyone creating trouble in your dating relationship, would you?
Second, since you say he has no clue how you feel, going from that to professing undying love is like going from zero to 100. Slow down. Work on a friendship with him instead while he works out his relationship issues. There's nothing wrong with letting him know that IF he ever becomes single, then you'd be interested. Or, you might say that he's your kind of guy, his girlfriend is very lucky, and ask him where you would meet someone like him? It gets the point across well enough.
If he likes you as well as you claim he does, then you'll end up together. While he figures it out, however, don't stop looking elsewhere.Helpful 122
I have a crush in my school. She's about my age. I want to tell her that I like her since it's our final year in school. However, I don't have the guts to do so. She's smart, kind, and pretty, and I know she's out of my league. Should I forget about my secret crush or just tell her the truth?
Think about it this way. I know people who went to high school 40 years ago who had a crush on a classmate but never took the chance to express themselves or ask the person out. You don't want to be one of them, do you?
Since you're both in your last year in school, you need to take the chance while you have it. You don't have to express undying love for her, just ask her out. Just because you may be an unlikely couple doesn't mean you're beneath her.
If it turns out that indeed she does not share your romantic interest, at least you have her out of your system. You won't be left wondering, "What if?" for the next umpteen decades. Sure, rejection hurts but we've all experienced it and we get over it. Not knowing is so much worse.Helpful 64
I want to get closer to my crush, even if it's just as a friend. How can I do that?
Friendships start when people notice that they have things in common -- ideas, experiences, hobbies, interests, or other friends AND they expect to interact with one another regularly. Thus, you'll need an opportunity to share similarities and develop interpersonal trust through regular contact. That can be via classes, friendship groups, clubs or organizations you both belong to, etc.
The best chance of doing so is if you have a mutual friend who can include you in the friend group that he hangs out in. You'll have a chance to talk with him and then see if you share common ideas, a sense of humor, interests, etc.
Be genuine, but befriend a friend of his and you'll find yourself included in the group eventually. If that is absolutely not possible, join a club he's in, take a class he's in or learn about a hobby he's interested in (as long as you're genuinely interested). Start to sit near him if you're already in a class he's in, attend his games if he's in sports (especially if you have other friends on the team who can introduce you?), etc. Show some interest so you'll have something specific to talk to him about. (People love talking about themselves.)
When I was a teenager, a guy who was crushing on me decided to become best friends with my next door neighbor to get closer to me. They played basketball for hours on my family's basketball hoop. Sometimes I'd go out and talk to him. We ended up dating long-term.Helpful 30
I like a guy at school. My friends know I like him. He already has a girlfriend. I want to tell him that I like him, but I'm too shy. What should I do?
Think about how you would feel if you had a boyfriend and some other girl expressed feelings for him, knowing he isn't available. It wouldn't feel too great, would it? Not all crushes are meant to be shared just because we feel the need. We must always consider the broader context as well as what we need. Therefore, the most one should really ever say is "if you were ever single, then (mention dating and your availability)." Proceed with caution.
I have a crush on a guy at school and want to ask for his social media contact information but I am nervous. We talked a few times because we have a couple of classes together. How should I ask my crush for his social media?
If you're too nervous right now, continue to talk and flirt with him until you gain more confidence. In asking him for his social media contact information, simply write yours down. Then say, "Here's my Snapchat and cell number, what's yours?" Be sure to be ready to take his information down.
This interaction is built on the psychological principle of reciprocity. When you behave in a certain way towards someone else, there is generally the expectation that they will behave the same way towards you -- in this case, sharing contact information.
I like a guy but am unsure how he feels about me. What should I do?
Have fun flirting with him and see how he responds. Try a little flirting and if he reacts positively, pour it on thicker. The article, "How to Get Noticed: The Sexy Science of Flirting" http://hub.me/afUpB provides tips that include what to wear, how to make appropriate eye contact, smiling to get a prospective date's attention, and using both touch and interpersonal space to make a connection.
My crush knows I like someone else and I know who he likes. One day I had feelings for him and I asked my friend to ask him what he thinks about me. Now he stares and smiles at me. What should I do?
Your crush is probably staring and smiling at you (aka flirting) because he likes you and doesn't know how to break the silent awkwardness between you. Someone has to be the one to speak first rather than go through an in-between. If you like him that much, then why don't you 1) stare at him back and smile, 2) attempt to talk to him, 3) give him your contact information or ask for his.
I have a crush on one of my classmates, but he has a girlfriend. Every time I try to move away from him, he attempts to get closer to me. When he sees me he turns red. What does this mean?
Turning red in the face, blushing, or flushing is a general sign of embarrassment, stress, or feeling overly warm. He probably feels anxious and fearful of rejection or being negatively evaluated by you. As a result, he wears the emotion on his face.Helpful 16
I have had a crush on the same girl for more than three years. I'm a rising high school sophomore. Should I tell her? I don't want to destroy our friendship.
Three years is a long time to wait to tell someone you like them, and the only way you'll know is if you take a chance. It's much better to experience a little awkwardness and risk rejection than to never know. Be honest with her that you don't want to risk your friendship. Describe what you value about the current relationship you have with her. Who knows? She may be harboring a crush on you too.
I have a crush on a guy who is a senior at my university. I've had an interest in him off and on for a long time but have never divulged it. He's previously had a girlfriend but is now single. We talk on occasion but are not close. I don't want to initiate a relationship by confessing my crush. What should I do for him to like me?
Your crush will graduate this school year, so you should get him out of your system by either going out with him or forgetting about him altogether. If you fail to do this, you run the risk of always wondering "What if?" Not knowing is tough. Don't do that to yourself.
You don't have to express undying love. Instead, get closer to him by asking if he'll be your "plus one" to an event large or small so that you don't have to go alone. Or ask him to do you a favor (e.g., give you some help in a class, teach you some skill he's good at). When we perform favors, we tend to like those who we have decided to invest in. It seems a little backwards but it's a real thing. Anyway, good luck. See if you two click.
My best friend and I both like the same guy. We are both aware of the other's interest in him and want to pursue the attraction with him yet don't want to destroy our friendship. How can we move forward without it killing what we have?
You and your best friend are interested in the same guy, but you both need to determine first what is more important to you: your friendship or this guy? Someone will very likely get their feelings hurt if one or both of you pursue him. Who does he like -- assuming he likes either one of you? Ultimately, HE has a big say in this. Who does he seem to flirt with, if either one of you? Who does he share more in common with? Are you both sure you want to pursue a guy when you'll feel awkward about sharing all the details with your female friend about him -- conversations, kisses, breakups, texts, photos -- knowing that she's not completely in your corner? If it were me, I'd make a decision with my friend that one of us was going to stand down on this one and take one for the team. Chances are, this could come up again between you two.
I really like this guy and told him two months ago. We both agreed to get to know each other, and we’re now super close. We tell each other everything and hang out together, but we haven’t made it official. How do I bring the topic up with him?
Wait for a quiet, low-key time when you are together and say something to the effect of, "Do you remember two months ago when I shared how I felt about you and we agreed to get to know each other?" (Wait for acknowledgment.) Then ask, "Are we ready to make it official yet?" The best way is to be direct and to find the right time -- where you're alone, have enough time to talk, and the emotional tone is right. I have a feeling this is going to go well for you given how well you've gotten along the last two months.
If you have trouble with how to make conversation "transitions," try this simple trick. Just say, "I have a question." That gets their attention, the other person goes quiet, then you can ask away. Good luck!
I still have a crush on my ex and miss his hugs and how safe I felt with him. I broke up with him because I thought he liked another girl. Now I’m not sure how he feels about me. What should I do?
There seem to be trust and security issues that you need to work on. Rather than cling to another person for safety and security, instead, try to work on becoming a more confident, independent, and whole person without a partner. If you believe you were wrong to accuse him of liking someone else, it would be big of you to acknowledge that to him as a way of making peace.
So I have a crush on a guy in one of my classes, but I don't know what to do because I keep getting mixed messages from him. I'm worried that if I say anything it will make class awkward. What should I do?
Mixed messages are possible when people are socially awkward, new to something, or embarrassed about the context. A shy, studious person, for example, may find it awkward to flirt back with a classmate in front of a classroom full of friends and a teacher. However, give the same person a quiet, one-on-one conversation, and he may be very flirtatious. If you suspect this is the case, try to make your interactions more personal. Compliment him, start conversations with him, sit next to him if you can, and/or touch him lightly on the arm or shoulder while talking with him. Then gauge how he responds. Does he seem to want more? If he's chatty, doesn't move away, and even compliments you back, those are signs, he's into you as well. Thus, my recommendation is to ramp up the flirting to see whether he's into you.
I have a crush on someone and he doesn’t seem to realize it. I’m afraid to tell him because it might ruin our little friendship. I’m the one to start conversations, and I look for excuses to see him even though we attend different universities. I write poems about my feelings for him. Should I tell my crush how I feel?
Flirt more with him and pay attention to how he responds. If he seems to respond positively to your increased eye contact, smiles, attempts to sit next to him, leaning in, brushing his arm/hand or small touches, etc., then include continue the flirting and add compliments to your conversation. Tell him why he is special to you. Try to increase the amount of time you spend together. If after all of this, things are still going well you can tell him you have a little crush on him and see how he responds. (It should be totally obvious by that time.) If he rejects you, it is not the end of the world. Take a chance but save sharing the love poetry until you're in a committed relationship.
I’m hanging out with a guy this whole weekend but am super chicken to tell him that I like him. Can you help?
Spending additional time together will clarify the value of this relationship for you both. People don't voluntarily spend significant time with others they do not like, so you're well on your way unless this weekend goes poorly. Make sure to flirt with him by making eye contact, smiling, saying his name, giving him compliments, and saying things such as "what I like about you ... [then list them]" or say that you think he is special because ... [then list the reasons]. Go for it. You'll find that you get more of what you want in life by being up front and asking for it.
My crush knows I like him, and we talk daily on social media. Our conversation is friendly, but sometimes he talks strange as if he doesn't like me. At other times he acts as if he loves me. He just now broke up with his ex. He has said that he did not have feelings for me. What should I do?
What if the person I have a crush on shows all of the signs that he has a crush on me, but he always denies liking someone when others ask him?
Since he seems to be playing shy, why don't you go a little bolder with the following approach? When it's just you and him, tell him that you heard he didn't have a girlfriend and didn't like ANYBODY. Tell him that's hard to believe because there are a lot of girls in this world and he's a great guy, and if -- just IF he were going to crush on someone what qualities would she have? (e.g., smart, pretty, sincere, etc.) After he's done, say that you have those qualities (name them) and you thought we had good chemistry. I was hoping you liked me. I just had to ask. Thanks for clearing it up! That should make him come clean in a big way if he's going to ever confess.
How do you apologize to your crush when you confessed to him, and you feel like you embarrassed him?
Chances are you came on too strong, confessing way too much too soon, or he just doesn't feel the same. For an apology, less is more. For example, "Bill, I didn't mean to make you feel embarrassed or create an awkward situation. I realize I said too much, and I'm sorry I put you on the spot. Will you forgive me?" Although the conversation is best to have in person, if he's avoiding you, send it via mail, email, or text. Once you've had the conversation, stop bringing it up and stop your the behavior that embarrassed him. You're friendzoned.Helpful 8
I met a hot stranger at a place and I probably won't see him for another year. I still asked him for his number and he gave it to me. I gave it to my friend who is also crushing on him. She has her own phone and I don't, which means she will probably be able to talk to him a lot more than I will. My fear is that she will win his heart. How do I prevent this from happening?
I started talking to this guy because he would flirt with me frequently, and ask me questions about myself trying to get know me. One day I added him on Facebook, and the next day he added me on Snapchat, then messaged me. We had been talking for days, but it turns out he had a girlfriend! I kinda like him, but I know that I shouldn't since he's not available. What should I do?
I assume there was flirtation involved in your talking for several days. During that several days he had a moral obligation to mention that he had a girlfriend. Instead he behaved like a player. It’s a basic violation of relationship trust on his part.
What he did was cheat on his girlfriend, and he made you his unwitting accomplice to it. That was not your fault. Now that you know he has a girlfriend, however, you have a choice as to whether to continue to be someone’s secret side chick (you’re better than that!) or to tell him that you like him but he can come back only when he’s single. You deserve the full love and attention of a guy rather than sloppy seconds.
People teach others how they want to be treated. Let him know that now that you are aware he has a girlfriend you feel betrayed that he wasn’t being honest and open with you.
Also, always be sure to check relationship status on Facebook and other social media platforms. You might have already done that. If his status falsely indicated he was unattached, then challenge him as to why it wasn’t current.
Good luck to you. Even if this doesn’t work out for you, there are good, honest guys out there so don’t despair!
What should I do in this situation? I have 13 days left to talk to my crush before not seeing him for a long time. I really want to tell him how much I love him, but I am very awkward and afraid of damaging our friendship. I've heard from people that he has a crush on me. I am hoping its true, but I am still very skeptical. He means the world to me, but he has no clue. Should I tell him how I feel?
You absolutely need to tell him. Do not delay. Since you have limited time and you will be apart for awhile, why not buy a parting gift that he can remember you by? It doesn't have to be big or expensive, just memorable, and preferably something he'll keep with him and remind him of you (i.e., not something generic). When you've made your selection, contact him, and either ask him to lunch or tell him you need to see him before he goes away. Present your gift there.
Practice what you're going to say. Make sure he has your contact information and a photo. Better yet, take a parting selfie if it feels right. Set aside your fear and just GO FOR IT. People regret opportunities they don't take. If you'd like, you can pour your heart out in a card as well in case you don't nail it verbally. I'm rooting for you.
You've got this.Helpful 19
Do I tell my crush I like him through text?
That's certainly the easy way out, especially if you think you stand a good chance of being rejected. When you tell someone in person, you have the benefit of being able to witness your crush's nonverbal behavior. Do they look anxious and surprised? Delighted? Confused? You won't see it over text.Helpful 13
I met up with a guy who had a high school crush on me forty years ago. I texted him that I think I am falling for him. I hint around. He won't tell me anything. Instead, he says there's too much drama. What do I do?
First, have you confirmed that this guy is single? Second, he may have been texting with you for old time's sake rather than because he feels some sexual attraction to you now. People change a lot in forty years, and sometimes it's tough to separate the memory of what once was from the reality of now.
Make sure you're dealing with him as two adults now. Also, ensure you're honest with both him and yourself about your feelings and who you are as well as what you want in life. Take it slow and get to know him NOW. I suspect he has a much more complicated life than he is revealing and may want different things than you do. That's okay.
Don't rely on texting as the basis for a relationship, as it can never replace good old-fashioned conversation and face to face romance. See if he'll meet you casually over lunch or drinks and take it slow, getting to know him before you rush into confessions of how you feel.Helpful 12
My crush is also my best friend. How can I tell them in a cute way without ruining our friendship? I want to move this to the next level.
Assuming there's already been a display of mutual interest through flirting, here are some creative ideas if you don't want to jump right to a candid conversation:
1. Make a collage about your relationship. Some hearts will clue your friend in that this is more than just friendship for you.
2. Make a "story of us" video of your relationship using the best moments. Divide the video into "chapters" like a book, and at the end,
signify "Next chapter?" That's a great segue for having a conversation about where you want this relationship to go.
3. Write a poem if that's your talent. It can be funny or serious.
4. Express your feelings in a letter.
5. Play "Would You Rather" (or 20 Questions) either via texting or in person. Along with silly questions slip in a question or so about would you rather hold hands/kiss/date you or (name an alternative person). This will naturally lead you down a conversation path.
6. Make a playlist of flirty songs. Send them to your crush either as a playlist or text your crush a song every couple of days and tell them why it reminded you of them.
7. If you share an inside joke or interest, buy matching t-shirts or other items.
8. Play a game of "Tell Me Something Awkward." It can be an embarrassing story, something you can never do correctly (like tell right from left), a strange habit, or a crush on a best friend! Since both people take turns admitting awkward things, you never know ... your crush may admit they like you first!Helpful 11
I have had a crush on someone for years, so I confessed to him in writing. He said he likes someone else, and since then I’m too scared and embarrassed to talk to him. He tries to approach then he turns around and looks at me and turns red. He sits beside me sometimes and starts touching my hand. What does this mean?
Don't feel ashamed about expressing your feelings to a schoolmate you've known for years. After suffering in silence for years, you took a chance, and although you didn't get the response you immediately wanted, you should be proud of being genuine and just putting your emotions out there. (You didn't indicate how much time has passed since your confession.)
Regardless, he claimed that he likes someone else. He seems to be giving you mixed messages, however, with the hand touching. Perhaps he changed his mind about liking that other person, had a girlfriend at the time you confessed your feelings for him, wasn't sure about how he felt about you and now is sure, or he just froze and didn't know how to respond. It's obvious that he values maintaining some kind of relationship with you because he does try to approach you and sits near you.
Can you get up the nerve to tell him you're confused by his behavior and ask him why he blushes and turns around when he looks at you (describe his exact behavior nonjudgmentally)? Can you get up the nerve to just ask him why he starts touching your hand when he sits near you -- especially if he likes someone else? Simply asking him will be the best way to get to the bottom of this.Helpful 11
How do you confess to your crush in a way that is not going to embarrass you, your crush, or ruin your friendship?
Revealing your feelings for someone in a way that won't overwhelm them and thus embarrass either one of you or ruin your friendship is usually a matter of timing and degree. (Bad timing, for example, might be if they're in love with someone else.)
Rather than pour out a total confession of your undying love, use flirting to assess whether the interest is mutual. Take flirting slow and gauge their reactions. My article "How to Get Noticed: The Sexy Science of Flirting" http://hub.me/afUpB describes the importance of 1) what you wear, 2) smiling, 3) eye contact, 4) strategic use of interpersonal space, and 5) touch. These are the five critical factors in getting noticed as a potential dating partner.
When you flirt, pay attention to whether your love interest returns your gestures with flirting of their own or if they seem disinterested, confused, and pull away. The more they flirt back, the more you can amp up your charm.
If all signs are go, you can also try various compliments (including compliments about their attractiveness) and attempt to get more alone time with them. If things still look positive for you, you may then start to unfold revelations about how you feel. You can start by saying that you "enjoy" or "appreciate" them (adding specifically what you like ... e.g., they're smart, funny, attractive, we understand one another) and you would like to spend more time with them. They could ask what that means, so be ready to explain a bit. You might ask how they feel about you. This should tell you whether your relationship is staying in the friend zone or venturing further.
Have a goal in mind (e.g., a movie or play together, a joint trip to the park) and suggest that any time they'd like to go/take you, then you'd be interested. If you've read your cues right, you haven't dumped on them all at once, and you'll be able to experiment with dating.Helpful 9
What should I do if I have a crush on someone who has a girlfriend, but still flirts with me anyway? He knows that I like him.
Flirting when one or both parties are taken can be fun and harmless when there's no follow through, and both parties are being honest about where their situation is heading. However, I'm concerned that he knows you like him, he's emotionally unavailable, and he may be toying with you. Only you know how far the flirting has gone.
You are attracted to someone whom you know is taken, but keep in mind that he is the one with the relationship commitment with the girlfriend. Has his flirting with you crossed a line between fun and emotionally betraying his girlfriend? If so, is this guy someone you would want to date? How would you feel if you were his in his girlfriend's shoes?
At some point, you're going to get tired of this flirting that is just empty teasing and toying. You may even want to tell him you're tired of just flirting with him and that if he were ever single, you'd date him, but right now he's acting like a player.Helpful 8
My crush had a crush on my friend, but once she acknowledged that she liked him back, he didn't like her anymore. Sometimes, he flirts with me, but he also flirts with every girl in my class. What should I do -- give up or continue to crush on him?
This one is easy. The only one this guy truly has a crush on is himself. Leave him alone. He's a player, pure trouble and not worth the time or emotion you invest.
I’m a tomboy, and I have a crush on this guy, and he doesn’t like me back. He probably knows how I feel, and he likes another girl. Do you think it’s that boy only like those girly girls with all the makeup and pink clothes? My friends say he just can't see how cool I am. Are they right? What is it?
Just because you're a tomboy does NOT mean you're doomed to loneliness. Just because you're a tomboy does NOT mean no guy will find you attractive. So you had a crush on a guy who preferred girly girls. If you had known that about him up front, you might not have wasted your time thinking so much about him. Don't draw large conclusions about yourself based on just one (or a few) examples -- especially negative conclusions.
There are plenty of dateable guys out there, and you'll find those who are interested. Concentrate on making yourself the happiest, healthiest person you can be, and stop beating yourself up. My daughter is in her late teens and has always been a tomboy -- avid tree climber, soccer player, cross country runner, kayaker, hiker, and she attended a four-year engineering program in high school that immersed her in robotics and building things with power tools. She's never worn much makeup and prefers casual clothes. In spite of all this or (BECAUSE of it!) she's never had a problem having either male friends or dates. Think about how much more you have to talk about with guys when you focus on things you love that they happen to be interested in as well.
Just don't let this kill your confidence. Self-confidence attracts, so work on becoming the happiest, most interesting person possible and accepting yourself the way you are. Do that, and you'll shine from the inside, no makeup required.
How can I tell if a guy is into me? He keeps reminding me of the day when we went to the beach with a group of friends. We both still laugh about it.
You ask a good question. I recall when my daughter was beginning high school, running on the cross country team. A cute guy would slow down while running so he could talk to her, and she didn't know why he was doing that so she would run faster to get away from him. I had to explain to her that he was trying to flirt. Now we laugh about it, but she was puzzled at the time.
Your guy is probably interested but may not know where to take it next. Here are some signs that a guy is interested in you:
1) he looks at you a lot, making direct eye contact
2) he smiles "to the eyes" when he sees you (a real smile instead of a fake grin)
3) he generally faces you and often leans in to listen to you or sits close, giving you his full attention (instead of his phone)
4) he finds excuses to touch you (e.g., sitting thigh to thigh, touching your hand) and he doesn't flinch when you touch him
5) he has inside jokes with you, tries to impress you, constantly seeks your attention, suddenly seems to be around a lot more than previously
6) other people seem to get that he likes you (like his friends and yours)
7) he unwittingly "mirrors" your behaviors -- if you lean up against the wall, so does he
8) he compliments you a lot, noticing things that others don't or that he previously did not
9) he initiates conversation and is reluctant to end it
10) he doesn't seem to notice other girls
11) when you're talking, he often shows he's curious by raising his eyebrows and tilting his head
I'd suggest additional group outings with friends. Watch the signs above and maybe have a female friend look for the signs, too. That should tell you what you need to know!
I met a guy in my new school, and he's the guy I've always dreamed of. However, I'm afraid to tell him that I like him. He's currently my best friend and says his "partner" in everything. I think he won't like me because I'm also male. Can you give me some ways how I can open up to him without ruining our sweet friendship?
Your new best friend may be using the term "partner" because he already has one, so I recommend slowing it down just a bit and finding out more about him before sharing your feelings of sexual attraction. Why not ask if he wants to hang out on a weekend or one evening? That'll give you a more relaxed environment to find out more about him, including his love life -- who he's dating (if anyone), how serious the relationship is, how long he's been out, etc.
Naturally, you, in turn, can share similar information -- your dating history, what type of guy you find attractive, how long you've been out, etc. Because of his frequent reference to the word "partner" I would make it more of a bonding experience in which you compare experiences and get to know one another. Even if he's madly in love with this other guy, maybe it's not all bad. With you being new to the school, perhaps they can introduce you to other gay young men who are potential love interests.
I have a crush on this guy at school. He's had a girlfriend before, but he was very young when they were dating. I've sent letters to him in his locker, and I've memorized his schedule so I can see him. The problem is, we don't know each other. He has gotten the hint, but he seems unsure. How do I start a friendship when he knows I like him?
You've sent letters, but he seems unsure. I'm assuming that means he doesn't respond to you. Maybe he's shy, doesn't share your feelings, or likes someone else.
Either talk to him or send one more note. Let him know that you're interested and would like to get to know him, but this will be your last letter unless you hear back. Provide contact information such as your social media addresses, phone number, locker number, and/or email. Tell him if he's interested, then here are the ways he can get in touch. (For some people, you need to spell it out!) You might even include a little bit of information about yourself, too. For example, what might you have in common? Then you'll just have to wait. If he doesn't contact you, move on. Anything more is stalky.
How do you answer a love note when you don't know who it's from?
That's the challenge of sending and receiving unsigned love notes. The receiver has to guess who the sender is; however, their guess may be very wrong! There's also no way to respond if you don't know who sent it.
The best course of action is to either wait until the next letter or jumpstart the process by trying to determine who sent the note so that the person will reveal himself or herself more quickly. Talk to friends, sharing that you received a note and you are trying to discover who sent it. See if they know who might have a crush on you. Out of privacy and respect for the sender, don't let others read it.
Sooner or later, the sender will step forward. You're going to have to be patient on this one. Have fun with it!
How do I let my crush know that I like them without telling them?
Since you prefer not to confess your attraction, use flirting as a fun first step to assess whether the interest between you and your crush is mutual. Take flirting slow and watch how your crush responds. Flirting will telegraph your initial interest while avoiding some of the awkwardness of rejection if it’s not mutual. (Know, however, that if the flirting progresses and you seek to take it to the next level, eventually you will need to acknowledge having some feelings for your crush.)
Here are a couple of tips. Amp up your physical appearance and what you wear. This will improve your confidence around your crush and get their attention. The color red attracts special notice when worn by either men or women. Smile and make steady eye contact. Offer your crush sincere compliments. As you talk with your crush, try to subtly move a little closer, more into their personal space -- if you sense that they are comfortable. Use appropriate levels of touch if you sense that it is welcome. For example, when sitting next to them, graze their arm or leg with yours in a non-obvious manner. Pretend to pick a hair or lint off their shoulder or touch their hand lightly.
Reading your crush’s signals are very important. When you flirt, pay attention to whether your crush seems disinterested, confused, or pulls away or if instead, they return your flirtations with flirty gestures of their own. The more they flirt back, the more you can turn up your charm.
If you want to know more, my article "How to Get Noticed: The Sexy Science of Flirting" https://pairedlife.com/dating/Get-Noticed-The-Scie... describes the importance of five critical factors in getting noticed as a potential dating partner: 1) what you wear, 2) smiling, 3) eye contact, 4) strategic use of interpersonal space, and 5) touch.
I have this tiny crush on a guy at my school, and he stares at me a lot. Whenever I walk by, his friends start to point at me to him, and he turns to look at me and smiles. The problem, however, is that he hugs girls while looking at me, smirking. It hurts me a lot, so I decided to walk up and hug with my male classmate. I then see that he is looking at me angrily and leaves. I don’t know what to do. Do I make a move or wait a bit longer?
My first inclination is that a guy who is that immature probably isn't worth your trouble. It's one thing to not yet have the courage to approach you. It's fine to be shy and permit one's friends to take over a bit. They apparently know about his feelings for you. However, the hugging other girls while looking at you? And getting angry and leaving when he sees that you are with another guy? That's childish and counterproductive if he has a crush on you!
If you still want to go forward with this crush, hey, I get it. Therefore, as a second option, I provide thoughts below.
You're going to have to be the thinking, reasonable one. Don't wait to make your feelings known because that'll give him more opportunity to do stupid things trying to one-up your stunt (walking by with your male classmate). A couple of options to choose from:
1) Single out one of his friends and separate them from the rest of the group to talk with them briefly, especially if your crush is hanging on a girl. Ask bluntly whether your crush is making fun of you, whether he has a crush on you, or what's the deal? You can even "confide" in the friend that you have a tiny crush on the guy but express annoyance that he's acting like a jerk or a player. The message will get back to your crush immediately.
2) When you pass by, even if your crush is hugging a girl, go up directly to him. Acknowledge the girl he's hanging on by saying hello to her as well as him. Ask whether you can have a minute of his time. If he and/or the girl don't get the hint that this is private, then say, "it's personal and I wanted to talk with you alone, when you get a chance" or "let me know when you have a moment and we can talk alone -- here is my number if you need it."
3) Get his contact information through friends and directly connect with him through social media.
4) Pass him a note along the lines of "Don't be mad. Now you know how I feel. No more games." Put your number on the bottom.
5) If he's on a sports team or in a club, especially without those friends, arrange to attend so you can approach him afterward and talk to him alone. Guys act more authentic when they are alone, away from the influence of larger groups of friends.
I have a crush on a guy in my school. In my absence, my best friend confirmed a rumor about my crush on him, and she learned from my crush’s best friend that he likes me back. I want to confess my feelings to my crush and ask him out, but I don’t know how. What’s a way to ask him out? Is there a way to ask him out using music?
Since you already know he likes you back, there isn't a lot of risk involved, so make it fun. Music can help you do that. I suggest making him a playlist of songs that remind you about him. Borrow heavily from Spinditty's "Positive Vibe Playlist: Happy and Uplifting Songs to Put You in a Good Mood," because this list of songs probably captures the top-of-the-world way he makes you feel (and the way he feels about you too, according to his friend): https://hubpages.com/playlists/Feel-Great-Playlist... You might include a special note about why each track is relevant. Make the last song your "ask out" song. I like Kelsea Ballerini's song, "Dibs" (2017) for this purpose: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3lCzEOy5xs or a classic tune, "Can't Fight This Feeling" (1984) by REO Speedwagon: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpOULjyy-n8.
What do you do if your friend is crushing on your crush?
The worst thing to do is refuse to talk about it, pretend it's not a problem, and allowing jealous competition over a crush to fester underground. Instead, talk openly with your friend about your mutual interest in the same crush and come to an agreement. It could be that one of you agrees to stand down, or you both agree to simultaneously go for it (especially if neither stands much of a chance). You could both drop the crush in the interest of the friendship, or let the crush decide who they like better (if either). Be open about your feelings. There will be other types of conflict, and this crush is likely one among many. How you handle this situation is essential in molding your friendship.
What should I do if my crush thinks that I like his younger brother?
Your crush probably got this wrong information through a prior miscommunication with you, so it's important that he understands the truth. You should correct his misinformation ASAP if it's important to you. Going through another person would make your crush question what is true, so set the record straight personally and see how he responds.
Here are two options. Next time he mentions your attraction to his brother, ask him why he believes you like his brother because it's him (the crush) you like. Don't skip a beat when you say it -- do it in all one sentence. That approach is to-the-point, surprising, and prompts a response from him.
Another option is to say that you'd like to clear up a simple misunderstanding and ask whether he has a minute to hear you out. When he says "sure," ask whether he remembers the original conversation you had where he came to the conclusion that you liked his brother (describe it). Then lay out the truth that you never liked his brother; you like him instead.
Either way, be ready for questions. The conversation is best had in person, but if you must, you can FaceTime or even text. Texting is certainly the safe way, but it loses its appeal in being able to gauge his reactions.
How do you deal with your crush not liking you back?
This has happened to ALL of us at some point, so please don't feel too badly. I'm sure it hurts nevertheless. Try not to take the rejection too personally, and don't let what others say or think define what you think of yourself.
Are you lucky enough to know WHY your crush doesn't like you? If so, and it's something 1) reasonable, 2) appropriate, and 3) within your control, then you can always try self-improvement provided that you agree with the feedback. You be the decision maker about any such feedback. Examples of feedback wherein change would be useful: you're known for cheating on dating partners; you engage in immature or unsafe behaviors such as drinking and driving, fighting, or doing drugs; or you don't hold up your end of the conversation. Self-improvement could only help you in these situations if they are true.
If your crush doesn't like you because you're not their "type" -- you're not their preferred race, religion, body build/height, nationality, they are a different sexual orientation, because you have a disability, you remind them of someone, etc. -- leave it and STOP feeling bad about yourself. You cannot become what they are seeking and probably would not want to if you had the power to do so. We all have notions of what our "type" is, but some people go overboard. Let this be their issue, not yours.
On the other hand, maybe you have NO clue why the person doesn't return your liking. That's often the case. If that's your situation, you're going to have to respect their decision and be at peace with it. Sometimes a person just feels no chemistry.
Here are some ideas for trying to cope:
1) Get some distance from your crush, if possible, so you don't have a constant reminder of the rejection.
2) Talk to friends or others who understand what it's like being turned down. Particularly try to seek out people who will help you take your mind off the situation and divert your attention to something fun and more positive. Don't go on and on. Get your feelings out and be done with it.
3) If you have any reminders of your crush like notes or memorabilia, toss them or put them away. Tell your friends NOT to update you about your former crush either. Outta sight, outta mind, outta conversation.
4) If it hurts too much to engage with your crush on social media (assuming you followed/were friends on social media accounts), stay off the accounts for a while. Depending on the situation, you might also tell your crush not to contact you for awhile or block/delete/unfriend/unfollow/mute them or just ignore them.
5) Focus on doing something enjoyable and good for you that gets you out among other people, especially new people. Join a group, sign up for a class, or volunteer in your community so you can be among others. Build your skills and re-build your self-esteem. FLIRT.
6) Because the best revenge is being happy, amp up your game by getting a new hairstyle or updating your style. This will attract attention. Work on being the most positive person you know. This will draw people to you. Soon, you'll see that you have a new love interest.
I hope these ideas help and you don't take this rejection to heart.
My best friend and I have a crush on the same guy. We both know that the other likes him. I feel jealous every time he talks to her. They talk a lot online. I don’t know whether I should try to get closer with the guy or stop talking to him and not hurt my friend. What should I do?
This guy has already begun to come between you two as you knowingly compete for his attention. It sounds like he likes your friend more at this point. Before it gets more out of hand, you both need to have a difficult and admittedly awkward conversation in which you get it all out on the table that both of you have a crush on the same guy. Then come to a mutual agreement regarding how important the friendship is and an action plan regarding him. This might be:
1) One of you steps back and allows the other to pursue a potential relationship with the crush.
2) Both of you decide the friendship is more important than this one guy and so neither dates with the guy.
3) You agree to both go for it and let him decide who he likes, which would probably mean driving a huge wedge in your friendship.
If your friend is less concerned about your feelings than getting the guy, the damage to your friendship may already have been done. It's best to have this discussion as soon as possible.
I have a crush on my classmate. I'm unable to forget him. I love him but cannot express my feelings to him verbally. I don't know how to communicate what he means to me. How can I reach out to my crush?
There are many ways to express your love to someone: a playlist of special songs, a poem, photograph or slideshow, baked items, or a piece of handmade art. Ways to express love are as unique as the people communicating the emotion.
Before you pour your heart out, however, first invest some time in getting closer to your crush and getting to know him as an individual. Work on making your classmate your friend so that you can see whether there is indeed a natural chemistry between you. Try to get assigned to the same workgroups or class projects as he is, sit near him, and talk with him when you can. Building a friendship will make it easier to express your romantic attraction later.
What do you do if your crush has a girlfriend and he knows you like him, but he won’t date you?
You’ve made your feelings clear to someone who currently has a girlfriend, and he has chosen to honor his commitment to his girlfriend. You should respect that and turn your attention elsewhere.
Work on being a happy, healthy and positive person. You may be surprised to find how good things will come your way when you work on you. You cannot force him to love you. However, you might be surprised that there’s someone else out there who probably thinks you’re pretty terrific. You may not have noticed him because you were way too wrapped up in your crush. Give someone other than your crush a chance to discover and appreciate you.
I have an acquaintance whom I initiated conversation with a few times. He seemed attentive but he never starts a conversation first. That made me think he’s not interested. Should I stop trying to get to know him better?
As long as he is giving you positive signals (e.g., listening, smiling, leaning in, adding to the conversation), you don't need to stop trying to get to know him better. While it's possible he doesn't like you, he may be shy. However, as long as you're doing the work to connect, there may be little to motivate him to try. Continue to pay close attention to his body language. Flirt and see if he flirts back.
Eventually, however, there will come a point at which he will need to initiate some interest himself. I'd say give it a couple more conversations. Then if he doesn't show some initiative and IF you're still interested, consider asking him playfully if he enjoys talking to you. If he says yes, then playfully ask why he's never the one to start the conversation. Then be silent and wait for the response. If necessary, reiterate, "If you like talking to me, then why don't you be the one to start up the conversation sometimes."
A guy that I have a huge crush on has been talking to me a lot. He keeps staring at me and making fun of me in a playful way. Should I tell him how I feel?
Rather than pour out your feelings -- I don't know how much you want to tell him -- keep it simple by telling him that he's special, he's cute, or you have a crush on him. A fun way to tell him is to ask him if he can keep a secret. Then tell him you think you have a crush on him.
He's already talking to you a lot, staring, and gently teasing you. Those are signs he likes you. Go for it.
I want to tell my crush that I like him, but I'm scared he won't like me like he used to. We previously dated, but broke up and both tried to date other people. Neither relationship worked. He flirts with me all the time, and gives me his jacket. He's literally my best friend in the world. What do I do?
It sounds like your crush has an equal and opposite crush on you. The young man is giving you his jacket to wear. They don't do that unless they care. He's flirting, and you say he's your best friend, so wait for a quiet time alone with him and tell him you have a confession to make. People love confessions. You can say, "I miss you" or "I'm not over you" or "I still have feelings for you" or "I wish we never broke up." Whatever feels right. Sometimes in life, you need to go for it, and this is one of them. All signs are there. And don't do this via text or FaceTime! It MUST be done in person!
I met this guy at a party through a mutual friend, and throughout the whole night, we kept calling each other cute. We all went back to his apartment after the party and we just fell asleep together, like cuddled together and that's it. The next morning we started talking about everything and we kept cuddling. Then we kissed multiple times until I said I had to leave, but I don't know if he thinks this was a one-time thing or if he likes me?
That's so romantic and refreshing to hear. You need to follow up on this potential love connection. Here are two options:
1) Luckily, you have a mutual friend. Talk to him or her about Mr. Snuggles. Ask whether he's mentioned you since, whether he's seeing someone (let's hope not!), if this is his normal behavior, how you should interpret the night's events, etc. You might even ask for your mutual friend's help in getting you two together again.
2) Contact your snuggly fella and ask him if he cuddles like that with every girl he meets or was there something special going on between you? You might joke with him about whether he was feeling especially cold and that's why he was snuggling with you or was it some other reason? Tell him you enjoyed your conversation and you wish you could have stayed longer to talk more with him. Suggest that maybe you could continue the conversation over coffee or pizza sometime.
Good luck, and let us know how this works out by leaving a follow-up comment in the Comments Section of the playlist.
What do you do if you like someone and everyone says he likes you back, however you can’t possibly imagine that happening because he’s perfect?
Rather than question whether you deserve this person, listen to "everyone" and make a move to get a direct conversation going with him. Cut out the "middle men" in your flirtation and you'll know for sure how he feels.
A classmate has told me that he has a crush on me, but I don't know how I feel about him in return. I may like one of my old friends. I'm also a bit hesitant about dating since my last relationship didn't go well. What should I do?
Regarding your classmate, it doesn't seem that you return his crush so tell him that you appreciate the special attention he has shown you, but you don't see him that way in return. You see him instead as a friend (or fill in the blank). "I appreciate the special attention, but I see you as a friend." Once you practice this and get good at saying it, it'll be easier to deliver that message in the future to others without guilt or embarrassment. Make sure to deliver the bad news in private so let him down easy, and afterward, don't avoid him.
Regarding the other portion of your comment, are you pressuring yourself to have someone in your life because you think you "should"? Especially given your last dating relationship, maybe you should wait and work through some things first. This is especially the case if a past dating partner was bullying or abusive towards you or if they cheated on you. (I don't know what "my last relationshp didn't go well" means exactly.") It's completely okay not to have someone and just be single while you figure out who YOU are. In short, don't be rushed to "do" anything.
I have a crush on a boy in my class, but my friends say he doesn’t like me back. I think that if I ask him out he might get to know me better, but I’m too shy to ask. What should I do?
Your friends may be paying attention to signals that you refuse to see. However, you'll never truly know if he likes you until you take a chance. Rather than ask him out, why not try to get closer to him and develop a friendship? Why not try to flirt and see if he returns your interest? If your attempts at flirting and reaching out to him over social media fall flat, you'll know he's just not interested in you in that way.
I can never find time to talk to my crush or be alone with him. Whenever I get the chance, something always screws it up. I am thinking about giving up unless someone has another way for me to hang out with him or tell him that I like him. Do you have any answers to my problem?
I have a crush on someone who says they like somebody else, but I think he’s lying to cover up his feelings. What do I do?
You need to take your crush at his word. If he prefers someone else, it's probably true. If he were actually lying about it, why would you want such a person anyway? That's messed up.
I have a crush on a guy and a month ago I asked him about it. He rejected me. However, a few days ago one of my trusted friends told me he likes me. He even told me to go away while he was talking to her as if it was a very big secret. Since that day, he has been hanging out with me all the time and keeps saying he has a big secret. Does he like me?
This is a juvenile acting young man who enjoys playing games. Give him a deck of cards and tell him if he wants to play games, you can do that too, but if he likes you, just say so. Pretending to have a big secret, telling your friend he likes you and sending you away, rejecting you, and now hanging out with you all the time -- that's mixed messages. No wonder you're confused. I think he is attracted to you, but he is immature and doesn't have a good grasp on how to express it. You're going to have to be the adult in the relationship if you want to pursue this.
I told my crush that I like her, but she thinks that I’m joking. What should I do?
Your challenge is to get her to see you as someone who is date-worthy. You didn't include enough information about why she may think you're joking. Does she think one of you is out of the other's league? Are you friends who joke around frequently?
Try to talk with her more about what she likes, her feelings, opinions, ideas, what she wants in life, and share the same information about yourself. Hang out together so you can develop some common experiences and see if there's a mutual spark there. Find out what she's looking for in a boyfriend. After a while of getting to know one another better, check back with her to see if she's interested in going out.
I like this guy, and my friend told him. Now, what do I do?
Your friend was probably trying to move things forward. Since you don't know how he feels about you, a couple of your options now are:
1) wait for him to say something to you about it
2) initiate conversation with him and/or a little flirting and see how he responds
3) get a mutual friend to include you in a group activity, so you can get to know him better
4) find out his contact information on social media and see if he's receptive to talking over text, social media, etc.
Hope this helps.
I am on vacation in China, and I've met a girl that is so kind and sweet. Over the past few days, her friends have been saying that she likes me, but I don't know whether it is the truth. She has written me two poems about how she likes me and has sung me a song. Should I tell her my feelings too before I leave?
She has put her feelings out there in a clear way with both the poetry and song, realizing that the trip has a clear end. If you feel the same, time is short so what's stopping you? Express yourself. To hold your feelings in means rejection for her.
I have a crush on someone at my school, but we never talk to each other. I'm trying to befriend him, but he doesn't know who I am. What should I do?
A couple of ideas include the following:
1) Be bold and go up and introduce yourself.
2) Get a mutual friend or acquaintance to introduce you, whether in person or online.
3) Join a club or group that he's a part of, or if you're already in a class, group, or club, make sure you're sitting next to him or working on the same team or project he is.
4) If you know his schedule, make sure you're where he tends to go so you can conveniently run into him and make small talk.
Hope these ideas help.
There's this guy that I've talked to some but not a lot, and I am really into him. I would like to tell him, but I think it doesn't feel right. How can you be in love with someone you don't know that well? Unfortunately, I know that he doesn't share the same feelings and doesn't know what to do.
You don't know enough about him to truly love him, however, you're crushing pretty hard on someone you realize doesn't share your feelings. (Hey, we've all been there, so don't feel bad.)
Rather than confess to him your deep feelings, listen to that inner voice that is saying "hold on here!"
Work on controlling what you can by making YOU the happiest, best version of yourself. This may or may not prompt him to notice (and that is okay if he doesn't!), but there are two benefits: 1) you become a happier, more confident, better person for your good, and 2) you'll begin to see that other guys take notice of your self-confidence.
If you want to also work on trying to become just friends with him, then that's fine. However, I wouldn't make it my focus. You already know he doesn't return your feelings.
I'm not sure if he really has forgotten his ex. I don't want to be in a love relationship with someone who is not yet done loving someone else. What should I do?
Before you embark on a new love relationship, it's important to be free of past emotional baggage so you don't doom the new relationship to failure. That requires an open and honest conversation.
There must be reasons you have questions about your love interest's ability to move on from his ex. For example, does he reminisce about his ex too much? Does he still communicate with her in person, via phone, social media, etc.? Does he still display photos and memorabilia from their relationship?
Find a quiet time and place when you're not in conflict and tell him you need to talk to him about something important, and you need him to be candid. Describe the signs you see (why you fear he hasn't moved on). Inquire why they broke up, how long they were together, and who broke up with whom. Ask him if he's over her and ready for a new relationship and explain why this is important to you.
It's normal sometimes to take awhile to get over a relationship before you begin a new one, especially if someone has cheated on you or betrayed your trust in some way.
I have a hard time talking to my crush whether it's in person or over text. What do you think I should do?
You're letting your nerves get the best of you which is common when you have a crush. You can find yourself tongue-tied. You might freeze up, worrying about saying or doing something silly. You may become all self-conscious and focus more on what you're saying or doing instead of concentrating on the other person and the moment.
Take a breath. The world will not end if you make a mistake. I promise. Think of this as practice in gaining interaction skills with people you are attracted to. To ensure that you get this practice, try to get closer to your crush. See if you can sit next to them in a classroom, for example, or adjust your daily schedule so that you run into them more often.
Listen carefully to what your crush is saying instead of thinking about what you will say next. Respond naturally and smile. Don't feel obligated to fill up every second of silence with noise. Use one topic to build on another. Ask open-ended questions, especially if you don't know what else to say. Or start with what you have in common. For example, what did they do this weekend/what are they planning this weekend, what's their opinion of x, etc. This especially works if you can then volunteer some related information about yourself. Suddenly you have a conversation going! Practice becoming better at conversations by paying closer attention when you're talking to your friends and others. You build off what each person says, right? Your crush is just another person, not larger than life.
Become good at asking questions and listening to the answers and you'll be seen as an excellent conversationalist. People love to talk about themselves, plus you obviously want to know more about your crush. This is a matter of practice, so perhaps start with texting even though that makes you nervous right now. Take a deep breath and don't overthink it. Your crush is just a person like you are.
When I was a shy teen, my mother knew I had a crush on a grocery store bagger but she stopped by the grocery store anyway and made me purchase maxi pads in his line. He blushed as he bagged them and I brushed it off, saying, "They're for my mother. She made me come in and buy them even though she knew I like you." He smiled very broadly and gave me a call later. I had liked him for two years with no luck. Sometimes you just have to go with the moment instead of overthinking it. If I could get through that, you can build up your confidence in talking with your crush!
I like this guy. He has no idea how I feel, but he looks over at me all the time. My friends say he's different around me (in a good way). Should I ask him if he likes me? Should I wait?
The relationship will naturally unfold as he figures out how to let you know that he has a crush on you. You can either let that happen or make it easy for him by asking him directly. He may not be ready for such a blunt question. However, if you're a very direct person, he should get used to this communication style. If the moment arises and you feel like asking him, do it.
My crush and I have previously been like siblings or best friends. We've both confessed our feelings for one another. How do I tell them I'm ready to take things to the next level without really telling them?
The hard part, confessing your feelings for one another, is over, and the good thing is it's mutual. That's wonderful! Now there's some awkwardness about what's next.
I don't know why you wouldn't want to discuss it. Yes, it's awkward, but it's much less stressful in the long run to just get things out in the open. You could ask about going to see a movie or doing something else together, and when they agree, inquire playfully whether this is a friend date or a real date?
Or, you could start holding their hand and making other lovey moves that a girlfriend or boyfriend would make. Start treating them like a boyfriend or girlfriend and see if it is reciprocated. For example, send them small gifts or flirty texts, spend more time alone, or make a playlist for them or a card. Unless they've had a change of heart, this will get things rolling.
I’ve had a crush since sixth grade. At that time, I told him, and he rejected me. I moved away in high school, and now the only way we communicate is through social media. He is so nice to me, and I want to tell him I still like him. I’ve never been in a relationship before. He knows I like him but how do I tell if he has feelings for me, too?
A lot can change in the time between sixth grade and high school. You do mention that he already knows you like him, so I bet you've made that pretty clear. What you want to know is how he feels about you.
First, the practical. You've moved away and are in high school so unless you're in the next city over, your chances of an in-person relationship with dates, hand-holding, afternoons out with mutual friends, etc. is pretty slim. Even for adults in a mutually committed relationship, long distance dating over an extended period often becomes too burdensome. However, you can still have a "virtual" special attraction for a partner and make it work with social media. Don't expect it to be a full stand-in for a boyfriend that is with you in person, however. I urge you to try to look around at your in-person options, too. Keep yourself open to those possibilities instead of being 100% stuck on your long-time crush. In-person dating gives young people a chance to practice important relationship and social skills.
Second, decide whether you'd rather 1) know the truth about how he feels and risk rejection or 2) continue to flirt with him and anxiously wonder. If you want the truth, then chat with him through FaceTime, text, a call, or instant message. Tell him in advance you've had something weighing on your mind and need a few minutes to chat with him. After some small talk, ask how long you've known one another and go over a little of your history, encouraging his recall and participation in the conversation.
For example: "How long have we known one another, John? ... We've been together through x and x and x. I wish I had never moved away, but I'm glad we're still in touch. ... You know I think you're pretty special, don't you? ... I was wondering how you felt about me?"
If he doesn't like you back, he will probably want to end the FaceTime or instant message quickly, and he'll use language such as you're a "cool friend," a "nice person," or "sweet girl." If you want to be super clear about his feelings, you can say, "So just to clarify, you like me as just a friend, and you could never think of me as more?"
That should do the trick for you. Again, I encourage you to start looking around you, too. Go out with mixed groups of male and female friends on friend dates to the movies, putt-putt, to the mall, etc. You never know.
I have a crush on someone I have never personally met. I found out her mother’s Facebook ID and sent her a friend request, but she’s not accepting, so what should I do so that I can talk to her and tell her that how much I love her?
Hold on. First, you don't love her. You have an attraction to her. Telling her you love her is going to freak her out. You don't really know her! Second, friend requesting her mother in order to get to her is a little intense. Who does that? If you have some kind of connection with her in real life, like you go to school together or work together, then try to start up a conversation that way instead. Or, if you have mutual friends or acquaintances, try to get them to introduce the two of you so you don't come off as so over the top. You don't want to give off stalker vibes when all you're trying to do is express admiration, right?
I started talked with my ex again. We dated for a little over a year. He now has a girlfriend whom he tells me is a better girlfriend than I had been. I'm happy for him, but I still love him. I'm the one who broke up with him. I don't see him anymore romantically, but everything he tells me about her still kills me. What do I do?
It's obvious that you haven't gotten over him yet and cannot be "just friends." He knows this. Thus, he's not 100% true to his girlfriend when he contacts you. (Does she know?) Particularly since you were the one to break up with him, he's simply trying to make you jealous.
The best thing for your mental health is to tell him that you still have some unresolved feelings for him, and because you respect that he's in a committed relationship with someone else, you're going to have to stop talking to him right now because your feelings are still a little too raw. Tell him you have a hard time being "just friends" with him right now, but at some later point when you've had more time to get over time, it may be easier. Don't continue to play games with him. Your candid admission may win him over, who knows.
There is a guy I like at my church. We don’t talk to each other, and are not even friends because I’m very shy and nervous whenever he’s around. I don’t know what to do. Can you please help me?
A church or other established group is a great place to meet a like-minded person. You both likely share similar values and are there for the same purpose. So that's a great first step.
It's okay to be introverted, but don't let it hold you back from going after your goals in life, okay? First, work on making eye contact with him and smiling. Initially, it may be from a distance, but try to maintain your gaze and not look down or away. Think "confidence" and "positivity" rather than shame or embarrassment. (Silently to yourself, you should be telling yourself how fabulous God made you. Fill your mind with affirmations to calm your anxiety!)
Secondly, do you have a church friend who is more outgoing than you -- someone you can trust with your feelings? If so, confide in them about your crush so that your friend can support you in getting up the nerve to sit near your crush and talk with him. Your friend can serve as your sidekick and help facilitate conversation, fill in awkward gaps, and even introduce the two of you. You may even want to set goals for yourself as motivation. As for the nervousness, just remember to breathe deeply rather than shallowly. Everyone gets nervous. In talking to your crush, remember that questions are always reliable as people love to talk about themselves. You might also compliment him on something if it's genuine.
Third, churches typically have various subgroups (e.g., committees, Bible studies, youth groups, choirs, field trips, plays, etc.). He's probably a member of one or more of these smaller groups. This is your chance to get to know him better by becoming a member of that same subgroup. Work on letting a friendship blossom first rather than romance.
I hope these ideas help you to get a little closer to your crush.
I have a crush on my friend. She's single and a definite bisexual. We've been flirting with each other for fun and all of a sudden I'm in love. I really don't want to take the chance and confess because I don't want to ruin our friendship. Plus, if I confessed and she doesn't like me back, it'll be awkward for the squad. On the other hand, I really like her and I want her to be mine. What should I do?
Since you've already been flirting with one another and you know she is both bisexual and available, then you can gauge her interest in you by asking her out on "friend dates." Instead of going out with the rest of the group, try to make it just you two, doing something fun together where you can talk, make your own memories, and flirt some more.
Do this a couple times and you'll likely have the opportunity to hold hands and get physically closer. That will tell you if she's receptive to you as a romantic partner.
During these friend dates, you can also:
1) tell her that you like it when it's just you two
2) compliment her and share with her what you enjoy about her
3) ask more about her love life and what she wants in life
4) find out how she feels about dating you, and
5) if it's going well, invite her on a romantic date instead of a "friend" date.
Don't shy away from opportunities because they are awkward. Life is awkward. If she's flirting with you, she may be feeling exactly the same things you are.
But even if you get rejected, it's not the end of the world. Really. Life does go on. You don't want to be wondering "what if" 10 or 20 years down the road, do you?
I had a friend that turned into a dating relationship. I broke up with him over text and now we don’t talk at all. I want to repair the friendship. Should I start making conversation or continue to not talk to him?
While it's unfortunate that your romance didn't work out, there's no reason that you have to stop being friends. It was unkind of you to break up with him over text, and you owe him an apology for that and for treating him like a stranger, assuming he did nothing terribly offensive. You don't have to offer a soul-bearing apology but do it in person. Just be a good person and treat your friend well. Tell him you want to repair the friendship and be clear that's all you're after. I'm glad that you are doing this. It's a sign of maturity and decency.
I like a guy who is two years older than me. After we started talking, he began giving signals that he liked me, so I shared how I felt. He said he doesn't feel the same and feels awful for that. I told him there was no reason to. I still really like him. We talk a little in person and a lot through text, but I want to talk more in person. We agreed to talk as friends, but I don't know what to say to him. What do I do?
Since you've agreed to talk as friends, ask yourself whether you'd get this worked up about conversation topics with other friends. Friends often talk about mundane aspects of their lives -- what's going on in their family, school, and social lives. Start there. Learn the art of open-ended questions and follow-up questions. Build on what he says by offering related information about your own life. Genuinely listen to him. So few people actually listen these days. Don't forget though that he did say he doesn't share your romantic feelings, so respect his feelings.
My crush knows how I feel about him, yet he likes one of my best friends. What should I do?
You've shared how you feel, and unfortunately, you can't make someone like you in return. Sometimes all the "reasons" are there but the chemistry is not for a reason that cannot be described. You need to let it go and get some distance from him. Let your friend know the situation so if their relationship develops she can be sensitive about it and doesn't unknowingly rub it in your face. We've all been disappointed by unreturned affection, and it does hurt.
What does it mean when a guy doesn’t always reply back to your text?
When your crush leaves you on "read," it could mean a variety of things:
1) they were busy or distracted
2) they didn't think your text needed a reply or didn't want to take that specific conversation forward (not a topic they were interested in, bored with what you were talking about, they had nothing interesting to contribute, they felt awkward and froze up/didn't know how to respond)
3) they wanted to slow down the communication exchange between you. You may be more enthusiastic about them than they are about you, for example.
To know more about which one this is, consider the overall pattern. Is the nonresponsiveness just a time or two, or is this the way they regularly treat you? How do they treat you in person? If they are actively engaged in talking with you in person, seeking you out to sit beside, making frequent eye contact with you, etc., then that's very different treatment from a crush who avoids you in person and has little to say. In the first example, I'd attribute failing to reply to your texts to being distracted or busy, but in the second example I'd say the crush is not all that interested. Rely on in-person treatment and how much THEY initiate contact with you, both in person and via text.
If this treatment continues, no matter why they're behaving this way, you should either direct your attention elsewhere or discuss it with them. It's the equivalent of ignoring you when you're talking to them.
The relationship with my ex ended badly 3 years ago due to rumors about his cheating on me. We had dated for almost a year, and it was great. At a party recently, he told me he still likes me. I still like him but am afraid to acknowledge it to anyone because it would be awkward between our families due to the ways things ended last time. I have tried giving this crush 3 years to go away, but it has not. What do you suggest doing?
You say that there were rumors of him cheating, but you don’t specify whether he actually did cheat. Can you discuss that sensibly with him now without accusations? Would he admit it to you now if he did cheat? Can you both describe what you’d do differently to make this dating experience more positive? How do you both intend to handle people who do not approve of your relationship?
If he cheated then, I’d be concerned that he would repeat the behavior unless he is remorseful and could truly demonstrate that he has learned something significant from the experience. He should also, of course, show empathy for the violation of your trust. If, however, he did not actually cheat on you, then false rumors have kept you apart for too long. You need honest answers, and I hope he provides them.
You cannot live your life for fear of what other people will think of your decisions. Make your choice, and if you are going to date him again, slowly integrate him back into your life. Don’t hide your rekindled relationship. Be candid and listen to others’ concerns but let them know you’ve got this. Perhaps it’ll be a mistake but this is a mistake for YOU to make. Lovingly tell family members you appreciate their concern but to back off.
I have a crush on a guy, and my friend told him about a month ago. I just decided to wait and see what happens but nothing has happened. He hasn’t told me he likes me. Half of my friends think he likes me back and half of them think he doesn’t. What should I do?
First, never send a friend as your messenger or intermediary. You don't know exactly what their message is, how it's delivered, or how to interpret the response through their perceptual filter. Why? Because you were not there! While it's a convenient, face-saving method of communicating with the target of your affections, you convey and receive information second-hand and that's not very useful. There's not much you can do about your friend's communication one month ago, however enough time has transpired to re-telegraph the message and look for clarity.
Work at getting closer to him. See if you can talk more with him, especially alone. Give him small compliments, smile, and stand close to him. See how he responds to your flirting. Does he back away or lean in? Does he seem excited or annoyed by the compliments and breaching of his personal space? If he reciprocates your flirting, then ramp up your efforts. Tell him he's special and you have a crush on him. Your group of friends is trying to be helpful but the group approach tells you nothing here. If your crush doesn't respond in one or two attempts, leave him alone because his answer is no.
However, I hope that's not the case. Good luck to you!
My parents won't let me hang out at the park with my crush unless they are also there. I'm a 14-year-old girl and consider it awkward to have them there. However, they say we will "do the dirty." Neither of us is like that. They ask me a lot of questions, and I naturally get defensive. I just want to hang out and talk with my crush like we do at school. How should I solve this?
Your parents have a low level of trust for some reason. A natural reaction would be to become defensive and angry but rather than do that; it's more productive to go into problem-solving mode. It would be beneficial if you can work to get to the bottom of WHY they feel the way they do. For example:
1) Is there someone in the family who experienced a teenage pregnancy and they fear your fate will be the same?
2) Are you an only or first child and they feel confused about how to handle your emerging independence?
3) Have you made some poor choices in the past that cause them to question your judgment when it comes to boys?
4) Is there something about the boy that is particularly objectionable? Do they need to get to meet him or get to know him better?
5) Is there an alternative location where they would trust you and your crush to hang out together unattended after school for a couple of hours, such as the local mall, public library, or a favorite teen fast food restaurant? (Be ready to supply ideas.)
It would be helpful for you to have a calm discussion with them to find out what you can do to show them you're interested in companionship and hanging out with your crush outside of school rather than sex. Your challenge is to keep it calm and nonreactive.
Your objective should be to listen to their feelings and perspective and to explain yours. Communication and patience with them even though they seem unreasonable will get you through this.
I have the biggest crush on a guy, but we have never talked before. I don’t even know if he knows I exist. Some people think he likes me. I keep trying to get his attention. What should I do?
I trust that others see signs in his behavior that he already likes you. Additionally, you've tried unsuccessfully to get his attention. Therefore, do something a little unconventional. When he's by himself (or at least with few others), position yourself nearby and cross your arms. Smile big and wait for him to say something to you. I'd also add taking along a bag of Hershey's Kisses and occasionally tossing one his way (yes, AT him playfully if you need to). Eventually, he's going to say something, even if it's, "What are you doing?" Then you can tell him that you've been trying to get his attention for weeks now and just wanted to talk to him, but he's been ignoring you, so you had to go to desperate measures.
I’m starting to like a co-worker. He frequently asks me questions about myself and what I’m doing. One day he even asked me if I was going to miss him, and I said, "Yeah, I might," and he said "Me too." However, he massaged another girl's shoulders, and I was confused by this. What should I do?
You have a right to be confused because he's sending mixed signals, but I'd bet he's a bit confused as well. After all, you did say you "might" miss him.
Perhaps any (or none!) of the following are true:
1) he likes both of you
2) you weren't meant to see his interaction with the other girl,
3) he likes you but he's trying to make you a little jealous
4) maybe he's a very sociable or "touchy" person and the other co-worker is just a good friend (although I'd suggest it's not appropriate to massage another person's shoulders in the workplace).
The next time he flirts with you ask a question back to him as your answer. For example, if he says, "Are you going to miss me?" you can ask, "If I said 'yes,' what would that mean to you?" Hopefully, this will encourage him to be more forthright about how he feels about you. If you're not comfortable doing that, when he chats you up next time and you have to cut the conversation short, say that you hate to go but you'd love to talk more with him, maybe over lunch sometime. That's dropping a big hint. If he doesn't get it, do it again or ask him to lunch. Also, you can always ask what his relationship is with the coworker. Don't let this guy give you mixed signals if you like him. Call him on it but also be honest about how you feel.
Wishing you the best. It sounds like you're both just anxious and testing the waters.
I want to tell my crush that I like him, but I’m really awkward and afraid that he will reject me. He’s never had a girlfriend and I’m not sure if we can even date. How should I tell him I like him?
There's nothing wrong with telling someone that you have an interest in them. If they don't share that interest, it'll feel awkward for a bit, but the world will NOT end. Besides, either way, you'll have some practice for the next time you want to tell someone you like them.
Take a chance. A few options for sharing your feelings include:
1) friend him on social media then message him or send him a song that communicates what you want to say
2) write him a note
3) start sitting with him at lunch or another time when you can talk privately
Keep in mind that complimenting him, smiling at him, and maintaining eye contact will communicate your interest. See if he returns your attention. If so, you can say something as simple as "I think you're a special guy, John" or "You're awesome, John."
I like this guy and he likes me. However, when he's around his friends he says he doesn't like me and he avoids conversation. Today, I was crying and he asked me what was wrong. I am confused and don't know if he likes me or not. What should I do?
It sounds like you and your crush are quite young and you are more mature than he is. The fact that he asked you what was wrong when you were crying shows he does have empathy. Therefore, try talking to him. Tell him that his behavior confuses you -- he's sending mixed signals. Ask him how he feels about you. Encourage the young man to be a first among peers to step up and acknowledge that yes, he likes you. He may prefer to be with his friends sometimes and that's okay, but he should be more genuine and own his feelings towards you.
I have trouble with being nervous when I'm near my crush. Can you help me and give me some tips on how to win his heart?
Smile and remember that he puts his drawers on one leg at a time, too. While there's no magic recipe, here are some tips to promote success.
1) Looking your best will inspire you to feel more confident around him.
2) Standing up straight rather than slouching will help you to get control of your nervous breathing. Make sure you don't talk too rapidly either, as that may cause you to suddenly gasp (awkward).
3) Adopt a personal mantra (a short positive saying that you repeatedly say to yourself in your head when you're feeling unsure, like "you've got this" or "you're a winner").
4) Look him in the eyes and smile when you converse. Eye contact and smiling are important to flirting. A head tilt as you listen and leaning in at pivotal moments can be productive too.
5) If you're worried about nervous hands, arrange to hold an object like a water bottle.
6) Don't worry about making mistakes. Who cares if you stutter a little or there's a bit of silence?
7) Ask questions about your crush. Get curious. People love to talk about themselves. Those who ask questions (and then share a little about themselves too, building off what their conversation partner says) are usually considered to be GREAT conversationalists. You don't have to impress your crush with unnatural, hilarious stories or grand adventures. Just be warm, sincere, and authentically interested in who he is.
8) Read his cues. If he's giving off vibes that he's not into you, get the hint and move on to someone else.
You get better with practice. Just have fun with it.
I have a crush on a classmate, and he is the love of my life. He likes someone popular, however. I've tried to ask him out but he said no. I can't get over him. I know he's way out of my league. What should I do?
You've already communicated your feelings for him. Unfortunately, he does not share them. Therefore, you're going to have to respect "no" as his answer as much as that hurts. We've all experienced the pain of rejection, and you will be okay. Turn your attention to the guys you interact with regularly who treat you respectfully and show a personal interest in you. While it's nice to dream about those who are out of your league, a more realistic and satisfying prospect is a classmate or friend who shares common interests and treats you well.
I have a crush on my co-worker. I told my friend, and she talked to him. Now, I'm so ashamed that I do not know how to behave with him. What should I do?
It wasn't appropriate for your friend to step forward and talk with him. Sometimes crushes are never meant to be expressed (like when someone is much older, attached, or in a job role that prevents you from dating). Regardless, it's your prerogative to decide when to disclose your crush, if at all.
Now that your secret is out, however, don't be ashamed. By avoiding him and acting all embarrassed, you call even more attention to yourself. Pretend like your skin is really thick and go about your work professionally as if it didn't happen -- until you can talk to him (hopefully very soon). You can do this. If you need to work with him or communicate with him, do so as normal. If you need to pass by his workstation, don't go a long way around, so you don't have to run into him. It's only as awkward as you make it.
Soon, when the opportunity arises, and the two of you are alone, briefly say, "Jane told me she let it slip that I said you were cute. I'm sorry about that. I feel awkward about it and don't want it to ruin our good work relationship. I hope you can look past it." Then, shake his hand. Remember that LESS IS MORE when it comes to this acknowledgment. Also, note that it doesn't matter if your friend told him a lot more information than you think he's cute. She probably did. You just want to get the general issue out on the table, not delve into details.
If he does like you back and he's single, this is his chance to take the conversation further, flirt, and express how he feels in return. If he doesn't feel the same, you've re-established a working relationship with him and acknowledged that you're aware your friend revealed your crush to him. The handshake re-establishes professionalism between you.
Just remind yourself that it's a compliment when someone has a crush on another person. Even if he doesn't return your romantic feelings, you've paid him a compliment. You'll be okay. I promise. From now on, be careful what you disclose to that friend, however. Her judgment doesn't reflect your own.
He knows that I like him, but I want to know how he feels about me. What should I do?
If he already knows you like him, the ball is now in his court to respond -- if he feels the same. Still, some people are shy. (I assume you know already whether he's single and straight.) Here are a couple of ways to figure out how he feels while you're waiting for him to potentially express his feelings for you.
1) Try flirting with him and evaluate how he responds. If there's no flirting back, that's your answer.
2) Invite him to have lunch or do something casual with you or with you and a group of mutual friends, and see if he accepts. It's a good sign if he chooses to spend more alone time with you separate from friends or at least if he chooses to sit next to you.
3) See if he'll connect with you on social media. Pay attention to whether he initiates contact rather than you always being the one to do so.
4) Amp up your game a little (hairstyle, nails, attire or whatever) and see if he notices and pays you any compliments.
5) Simply ask him about his dating life in conversation. Ask whether he had a good weekend, what kind of fun things he did over the weekend, then ask if he's seeing anyone. If he says yes, tell him, you didn't know that, but she's a lucky girl. If he says no, playfully ask if there's something that's stopping him from asking you out. That's good and direct and should get you your answer.
6) Ask a friend of his who will speak openly with you who your crush is interested in. Share your problem and ask your friend for any insight into how your crush feels. Be ready for whatever information you share to go straight to your crush. This may be an easier option if you think he's not into you and just want to confirm it.
Whatever option you choose, do pay attention to the cues that you crush gives you. If he doesn't flirt back, rejects offers to connect on social media or doesn't respond, those are huge giveaways. If he ignores you and makes you feel like you're chasing him, you probably are. There are plenty of guys who aren't so high maintenance if that is the case.
I wish you the best of luck. Leave us a follow-up note in the Comments Section of the playlist article to let us know what happened and how it all worked out.
I like a guy and he likes me but he is leaving the country for 2 years and then heading to college, but we can't be together because of our religions. I know I need to get over him, I just don't know how. Any tips?
You say you know you cannot be together romantically. Are both of you 100% certain this is true and will always be the case? Many people manage to make love work even though they are different religions.
If it's truly the case that you cannot be together, then agree to settle for a "special friend" status and keep in touch with one another. Make sure you have revealed your true feelings to one another before he leaves so there is nothing left unsaid between you. Both of you should resolve to date other people and go about the rest of your lives, sharing intermittent updates with one another about what's going on with yourselves personally (and romantically). This is better than wondering what happened to him.
Ultimately, if you are both choosing your religion over one another you'll need to seek comfort in your religion for your unhappiness. Stay active so you don't ruminate over him leaving. Express yourself in writing, art, or through talking to friends -- whatever soothes you -- and try to focus on your own future rather than the past.
I have a crush on someone I’m super close friends with. We flirt with each other, but I don’t know if he has a crush on me in return. All my friends say he does but I don’t know because he has a lot of female friends. I don’t know if I should tell him or wait. What should I do?
If you’re as close as you say you are it should not be too difficult to have the conversation. Tell him that you have a little confession to make if he’s ready to hear it, but be honest about your feelings about rejection or changing the quality of your relationship. Waiting serves no purpose here. Get your answer.
I have a crush on a guy three years older than I am. I feel we have a mutual connection and want to get closer to him and talk more, but he’s often with a particular girl in his class. We used to talk when he was new to my school but now he pretends like I'm not around and I'm nothing to him. What shall I do?
Unfortunately, it sounds like your crush has developed a crush of his own on the girl in his class. When he was new to your school you may have hit it off, but now that he's getting more involved in classes, he is interacting more frequently with students his own age and therefore has more in common with them. Don't take this personally. Attraction is often a matter of frequency of interaction and similarity.
Besides, as a teen, three years is a huge age difference -- too much, I think. It's better if you stick to someone closer to your own grade level. I'm sorry.
I have developed an attraction to someone who is married with a young daughter. I'm really confused about whether this is this attraction or love? I think about her the entire day and look forward to her classes.
This is not love, but hormones. In some ways, we can't help who we find sexually attractive. However, that doesn't mean we have to express or act on those feelings.
People sometimes develop attractions towards inappropriate and unrealistic targets. Examples include a crush on a teacher, boss, doctor, parent of a friend, a married co-worker, etc. Young people, in particular, may experience romantic feelings for authority figures in their lives such as teachers or coaches. Although normal, it can be a very confusing experience. This is what has happened to you. The relationship cannot ever ethically take place for a variety of reasons (e.g., teacher/student boundary, there is likely a substantial age difference between you, she is married). While the "forbidden" nature of the attraction may make it even more appealing, please realize this is a crush -- pure fantasy -- and that's where it should remain. Let me emphasize that you're not bad for feeling this way.
I recommend setting your sights instead on a classmate or other young woman who is not ethically "out of bounds." You might even consider what qualities your teacher has that you find particularly pleasing (e.g., sense of humor, red hair) then use this clarity to help you find an appropriate mate.
My crush is my best friend. Last time I told him he kinda ignored me, but I can’t stand not telling him. But what if he rejects me? What do I do?
You've already told him once, and it didn't change your relationship. He didn't declare his romantic interest in return. Was this because he genuinely didn't hear you or because he didn't share your romantic feelings? I suspect it was the latter and you may not want to admit it to yourself.
You need to be honest with yourself about whether this is a one-sided or two-sided love interest. Does he provide any signals to you that he is attracted to you sexually? (For example, he leans in, stands close, touches you a lot, gazes at you, listens like no one else is in the room, etc.)
If you are confused, have a conversation with him about the mixed signals you're getting when the time is right. Alternatively, introduce the topic by asking if he recalls that time when you confessed a crush on him. Then inquire whether he could ever picture a situation in which you two were more than just friends. You don't have to pour out your emotions because you're asking him how HE feels. You've already revealed your crush on him. He has certainly noticed your goo-goo eyes at him. This will get the issue out in the open.
It's better to talk about this "elephant in the room" between you than ignore that it's there. If he rejects you, it will no doubt hurt, but you will live through it. We have all been through rejection. It doesn't mean you are defective. It can simply mean you're not the right person for him right now, or logically you're great together but he just doesn't feel sexual chemistry. It's hard to figure out what lights a fire under even our own hearts sometimes. Don't take it personally, and certainly don't undervalue your friendship. Have that conversation so you can either start dating or start processing your feelings and move on emotionally.
I am very awkward around my crush! I am not sure what to talk about! I am not very confident! I can’t start or end a good conversation! What should I do?
Your awkwardness has become almost like stage fright. Relax by remembering that conversations are not performances. Instead, they are two-way interactions and your crush has just as much responsibility as you do for ensuring that your talk goes well. Self-consciousness will cause you to focus on yourself. Instead, focus on the other person, how they are responding, what they are saying, even how they are looking, but NOT what you're going to say next.
Sometimes, it's easier to ask people questions about themselves. Then listen carefully to what they're saying, make a comment or observation about what they shared, and they'll share some more. Or share something similar about yourself, ask a follow-up question, etc.
Although you can have pre-arranged topic areas, it's better to be spontaneous and pick up cues based on the situation. Remember that even though you have a crush on this person, you're just talking. You're not on stage. Think of your crush as just another friend to talk to.
I have a crush on my co-worker. She is very cute, but I'm not sure if I should tell her that I like her. What should I do? We talk to each other every day at work.
Look for signs first that she returns your attraction. Ask yourself a few questions. When you flirt, does she flirt back? Does she come talk to you as well as vice versa? Does she disclose personal information about herself rather than simply talking business? Do you and she choose to spend free time alone at work (e.g., eating lunch together, taking breaks together)? Do you have contact with one another outside of work as friends?
If not, you might work on developing your relationship outside of work through texting, social media, phone calls, going out with a group of work friends, etc. before revealing your feelings. If this step goes well, it'll make revealing your feelings pretty easy and more naturally segue to a date. Just be sure to pay attention to her cues as you go along.
Also, you probably should check your company's policy on dating in the workplace to be sure it's permitted. You can certainly find a great partner at work, but there are also downsides and risks you should be aware of. The following article shares these as well as useful HR tips to employees before dating a colleague: "Can You Find Love and Romance in the Workplace?"
I have a crush on a high school guy. I’m an 8th grader in middle school. I also know he already has a girlfriend and we don’t have a friendship between us. I’ve already started dreaming about us. What do I do?
Having a crush on someone from a distance is okay. That doesn't mean you have to act on it. The facts are this: You know he has a girlfriend already, so if he's looking elsewhere to cheat on her that makes him quite a cheating skunk. You don't want that, do you?
Also, you aren't friends, and with both of you going to different schools there are probably not a lot of opportunities to start a friendship with him right now.
Even more than those points--and this is based on my personal experience when I was a teen--I'd be concerned if there's more than a two-year age/grade gap. Sometimes even two years is too much. The differences in what middle schoolers and high schoolers expect of a girlfriend or boyfriend are dramatically different. How they interact, what they talk about and care about, and what they've experienced already in life and in dating can be SO different. Don't underestimate that. It's a time of rapid change and maturity.
Stick to guys your age/grade or one year older who you have some commonality with (e.g., you're already friends or acquaintances, classmates, teammates, live in the same neighborhood, know one another from church or other groups). These people are more accessible.
In the meantime, it's fine to dream about him occasionally. Dreaming doesn't hurt anyone. Just don't obsess over someone who is taken, inaccessible, and maybe not the best choice for you.
I have an intense crush on someone who had a girlfriend and may still have one. I blush when I see him, have told him I like him, and sometimes cry because I know he won’t like me back. I’ve tried to forget him, but it doesn’t work. What should I do?
You are attracted to this fellow, and it's probably painfully obvious to everyone. You say that you have informed him about your feelings (although you suspected he was in a relationship). His lack of action is your answer, unfortunately. Don't keep asking him or beat yourself up because he doesn't return your attraction. You cannot make someone love you or force romantic feelings where there are none. You've toyed with the idea of emotionally moving on, and now is the time to do it. Nearly everyone has been in your situation (or will be) so there's no shame in experiencing one-sided love. Just don't let this drag on too long.
Your best hope for getting him out of your system is this recipe: time, distance and distraction. When you have to be in the same settings as him (e.g., a classroom or work setting), try to select a seat or workgroup that is distant and sit out of earshot from him. When you can, try to choose settings where he won't be. Don't bring him up in conversation or respond to a lot of discussion with friends involving him. Tell your friends you're trying to move on from this crush so they can assist you. Look for other guys to connect with instead. Work on making yourself the happiest, most interesting and personally fulfilled individual you can; this positive energy attracts likeminded others. Five to 10 years from now, you won't remember much about why this guy was so special. Believe me.
Don't get stuck in the desperate pattern of chasing after someone who just isn't into you. After a while, other guys who may potentially be interested in you won't look your way because they'll know you only have eyes for your crush who doesn't like you back. Reframe what you want as something broader. You don't want this particular guy but instead a boyfriend with similar interests who will cherish and respect you and return your attraction. Good luck finding someone who is more suited to what you really seek.
I like this guy and want to at least have a sexual connection one time. However, I'm not sure how to do that. How do I get it to where he wants to have a one night stand?
That's a terrible idea. If you like him, develop opportunities for conversation and see if you have any genuine interests in common. Don't rush any sexual experimentation with him or anyone else just to check that box. Sex should be about a real human connection, not a physical act. (Animals do that. Besides, there are potentially life-changing ramifications of sex.) It's much, much better when the emotions are there. Be smart about this and value yourself and him as human beings.
I have a crush on my best friend whom I've known since high school. Should I tell her?
If you think this crush is more than a passing fancy and there are signs that your friend reciprocates your romantic interest, then spill your guts. Does she flirt with you (or flirt back)? There's no going back once you cross certain lines. It's hard to go back to being "just friends." Telling her will change the relationship no matter how she reacts, so be ready for a range of reactions if that's what you decide.
The guy I like tells everyone that I am his best friend, but everyone believes he likes me. When we are together he always touches me. When we hug we hug for five long seconds. He only talks to me and we sing these love songs together. He’s always wondering who I like and he has told me that he likes a couple of other girls. What should I do?
I've had a crush on this guy for a couple of days now. We joke around a lot, like calling each other "cute" in a joking way. We also joke about me crushing on him. He doesn't know I actually do have a crush on him. I'm not sure how to tell if he in fact likes me or not. What should I do?
I have a crush on someone, but I'm moving soon. How do I tell him before I leave?
Find a time when you can talk with him alone (or ask him specifically if you can have a few minutes of his time alone).
First, say you don't know whether he's aware or not but you'll be moving away soon to (name the city, state).
Second, tell him it's important that you share with him that you've always thought he was (smart/special/kind/funny -- fill in the relevant adjectives here) and tell him what you like about him. This isn't awkward. People love to hear positives about themselves!
Third, tell him that although you're moving away, you don't want to lose contact. Give him your social media, phone, and other key personal contact information. Request his too. Take a selfie together if he's willing. That might sound awkward, but you'll be gone soon and you'll want it. You can also use it as an excuse to initiate contact with him via text before you leave.
My crush has been giving me very subtle hints that he may be interested in me, and he even uses some of his pick-up lines on me. However, earlier today, I found out he's in a secret relationship with someone. What should I do?
For two years I have had a crush on my male best friend, and he recently confessed his crush on my best female friend. She rejected him. Should I confess my feelings for him now even though I know they are not mutual or should I instead keep them hidden and forget it so as not to ruin our friendship?
You've allowed a crush to linger for two whole years without confessing your feelings, yet you say that you "know" the feelings are not mutual. Are you perhaps jumping to conclusions or taking someone else's word for it? He's your best guy friend. This merits a discussion. You talk to him about all kinds of things so you can talk to him about this.
Chances are your crush on him is the elephant in the room so have a candid conversation about your feelings for him. It's okay to acknowledge that it's awkward and express that you don't want to ruin your friendship but you need to be open and know how he feels. Be prepared for the possibility he may reject you or maybe harboring some leftover feelings for your other friend or maybe confused. Try to settle on a positive path forward together. Regardless of what his answer is, thank him for talking with you and being open.
My best friend told my crush that I like him, and now he's avoiding me. What should I do?
First, tell your best friend that she had no business doing that. She may have thought she was doing you a favor, but your feelings for this guy was not her information to share. Think carefully before trusting her with additional secrets. Ask her what she said to him, and the context (e.g., what were the circumstances, did he have an audience?). There's a difference, for example, in "Jane has a crush on you,"
and "Jane has the hots for you real bad." You'll also want to know honestly whether he gave any response.
Second, he's probably either embarrassed for some reason, or he does not feel the same way. Don't treat him any differently and tell your friend you'll take it from here. When the opportunity presents itself, mention to him that you understand your friend spilled the beans about your crush on him. You could say you're sorry if it embarrassed him, then talk about it to the extent both of you feel comfortable.
I want to tell my crush that I like him and that I would like to get to know him better so we can be more than friends. How do I talk to him without creeping him out? He just broke up with his girlfriend, and I don’t know if he’s ready to start something new.
Getting to know your crush better requires that you be around him more, so arrange to sit near him in classes, if possible. Chat with him between classes, try to eat lunch with him, and try to connect with him on social media. Be friends first and see how he responds to flirting. Usually, people aren't ready for other relationships right after they've broken up with someone else, but by taking it friends first, then flirting and watching his cues, you stand a better chance.
I have a crush on someone and he likes another girl, so I want to get rid of my feelings for him. Sometimes he talks with me about the movies, and I still have a crush on him. What should I do?
There are several approaches to this.
1) You could change the topic of conversation to something that doesn’t remind you that he’s dating someone else. Movies often conjure up the image of dating. In contrast, sports, school, church, music, or funny YouTube videos can be more neutral conversation topics.
2) Decrease the number of interactions with him until you don’t feel that spark quite as strongly. Cut conversations short, politely avoid him or include others in your conversation so it's not a one-on-one conversation.
3) Turn your romantic attention toward someone else. Your crush is not the only attractive, special guy around. Even if you don’t like anyone else right now, challenge yourself to amp up your physical presence (attractiveness and energy), stand taller, smile, and look people in the eye. Talk to people you know whom you don’t ordinarily talk to. This will convey confidence and garner you positive attention. Your possibilities will begin to open up.
4) Confess and move on. He won’t be dating her forever. Therefore, make sure he knows you think he’s special so that when he’s single again, perhaps he’ll ask you out. Knowing that the information is out there (although he’s made another choice at the moment) can help you cope. DO NOT wait for him, but understand that you can be happy knowing you said what you needed to. You might do this by asking who he went to the movies with. Make sure the other girl’s name comes up, even if you have to mention her by asking if he’s still dating her or why he didn’t go with her instead. You can say she’s a lucky girl and look him in the eye when you say it. If you want to be brave and go further, you can say, “Can I admit something? I’ve had a crush on you, but I know you’re dating Sue, and I respect that. I’ve been struggling to get over my feelings. Let me just say she’s a lucky girl.”
I have a crush on a guy, but he is sending me mixed signals. I wrote a note to him this summer, and six months later his brothers and friends are still telling people about it. We only see each other once a month, but when we do, it’s at a dance. He always asks me to dance, and we have a good conversation. I don’t know if I should tell him I like him or not. I don’t want to tell him and then get made fun of more. Should I risk it? I am also very shy.
You seem to be more mature than your peers. They probably have similar feelings emerging about other people their age but don't know what to do with those feelings, so they make fun of someone who is braver than them. At the next dance and conversation, tell your crush that you are glad he always asks you to dance. Explain to him how it feels being made fun of by his brothers and friends. You may be surprised that he is also possibly being taunted by them! Ask him if they tease him too. You can also ask him why they make fun of you and what he thinks of you. If you don't feel comfortable telling him you have a crush on him, just say that you look forward to dancing with him.
Be assured that the older you get, the easier this situation will become for you. At some point, crushes go from being embarrassing things you want to hide and tease friends and siblings about to nearly all you can think and talk about.
I have a crush on my friend, but this girl I’m not really friends with likes him as well. They started talking first, before I realized I had feelings for him, plus they started talking back when she and I were friends. I’m trying to honor girl code despite she and I not really being friends anymore. However, he’s just so great. What do I do?
While it's honorable of you to try to obey this girl code, you might be limiting yourself unnecessarily since they aren't in a committed relationship, you're not doing anything intentional out of malice to come between them, and she's not your good friend. You just happen to have a crush on the same guy. She's not his girlfriend, and guys can make up their own minds about who they are attracted to! Be sensitive about it, but full speed ahead with your crush! Let him figure out who he's into.
There is this guy who looks at me, but I’m way too scared to talk to him. I'm planning on doing it though. How should I start the conversation? How can I try and overcome my shyness?
He's already looking at you -- because he's intrigued, not because you have toilet paper stuck to your shoe or anything. Be confident! His staring has happened more than once, throughout different contexts right? If so, then you've caught his eye. He probably is trying to figure out how to talk to YOU but doesn't know how. Help him out. When he looks your way next time, don't look down or look away. Instead, lock eyes and SMILE. Do it until you are both more comfortable. He should be returning your smiles. You can even do a small wave from across the room at some point, then work up to one of you approaching the other and simply introducing yourselves.
If you don't like that idea and are confident enough to skip straight to the introduction, remember to look your best, smile big, and pick a situation in which you don't have an audience (i.e., friends or others around to interfere). Shake his hand and say, "Hello, I'm Jane. I've noticed you looking at me a couple of times, and I thought I'd introduce myself." You can ask him open-ended questions such as
"So were you staring because I had spinach in my teeth, did you think I was kinda cute, or something else?"
"Tell me a little bit about you."
When he's talking, intently LISTEN instead of thinking what you'll say next. Few people know how to do that these days, and the feeling of being listened to is very attractive. I hope this gets you closer to where you want to be.
I don't know if I should tell my crush because he used to like a tomboy type girl and I'm girly. What should I do?
Relationships are all about chemistry, and physical appearance is only one ingredient. Don't overthink that just because he liked one type of girl in the past that that's the only type of girl he'd be attracted to.
There's this guy at school and I want to tell him I like him, but I'm too shy. My friends already know I like him, and he has a girlfriend. What do I do?
Think about how you would feel if someone else came on to your boyfriend. The most honorable thing to do would be to wait until he was single again. You might get away with telling him that WHEN he's single again, to let you know.
I like this guy in my class, and we started talking frequently. He even confessed to me that he liked me before our winter break. Now, however, he has not mentioned anything about his confession. What should I do?
If he's continuing to flirt with you, he still likes you. Flirting includes long gazes, sitting close to you, going out of his way to be near you or talk to you, trying to impress you or vie for your attention, etc. If you still worry about whether he still likes you, just ask him. Here's a suggestion for how to introduce the topic into the conversation. "John, remember what you said before winter break about your feelings for me?" (Wait for his embarrassed response.) "Do you still feel that way?" Be ready to declare how much you like him.
Little things such as complimenting him, bringing him a pack of gum or candy bar every now and then, or reaching over and drawing a heart on his notebook can be a way of showing that you care.
I want to tell my crush that I like her. (I am bisexual and she is pansexual.) However, I am too afraid to reveal my feelings. She is a really sweet girl, we have known each other for several years, and have a lot of commonalities, including a sense of humor. If I share my attraction with her and we begin dating, no one can know because she and several of my other friends know that I'm bisexual, but my family (mother and siblings) don't. Should I tell her how I feel or wait?
This is more of an issue of coming out to your family than having a crush on this particular person. Being a teenager, you're exploring your sexual identity, but some families are much more welcoming of non-heterosexual relationships and identities than others. Only you know the right time and method for sharing this information about yourself with your mother. Only you can truly gauge whether she's the one to start with. Would you rather that your mother find out from someone else? Is a sibling or other family member potentially supportive and trustworthy -- someone you can talk to about how and when to come out? Can you have some preliminary conversations with your mom about "what if" ... just to see where she stands on bisexuality, homosexuality, gender issues, and other important issues? Try to keep the lines of communication with her OPEN and avoid labels like pansexual because people get way too focused on a label rather than the person. The key is "non-heterosexual" and can she at least be tolerant, if not accepting and supportive of you"?
As for your crush, yes, you might consider telling her now. However, you may want to decide in advance whether you are comfortable with this being an "out" dating relationship (provided that she likes you as well). She may not be comfortable being someone's secret, as she is in a different place with her sexual identity and coming out than you are. You may have to respect that. Even if that's the case, she could help you as a friend as you struggle with the identity issues. Listening is a powerful thing.
You won't be able to hide this from your family forever. How and when you share it with them is your choice.
I like my crush a lot, and he knows I do. But I suspect that one of his friends like me, and my crush has seen us together, laughing. I even asked for the friend's number from him! Now my crush is kind of quiet. What does that mean?
By asking for his friend's number, you communicated to your crush that you like his friend or at the very least were trying to make him jealous. Maybe that wasn't your intent, but a reasonable person could assume that. However, in your defense, your crush knew you liked him and what was he doing about it? Was he stepping up to say that he liked you too? Love doesn't usually favor the timid.
I want to talk to my crush, but the only time I’ve talked to him was at youth camp and when we dance with each other. I feel like it would be awkward to go over and talk to him when we aren’t dancing. How do I get the confidence to talk to him when we aren’t dancing?
At the dances, they probably serve some kind of punch, water, or light refreshments, don't they? Either catch him at the refreshments table and start a conversation or ask if he will get something to eat at the refreshments table with you. Make sure he knows that you enjoy his company and want to talk to him outside of your time on the dance floor too.
I have a crush on this guy and so does a friend. She doesn't know I like him too, so she is always trying to flirt with him and hang out with him! Do I tell him that I like him, or just let it all fall into place?
For the sake of your friendship, you need to have a conversation with your friend and come to an agreement. Let her know that you are attracted to the same guy and don't want your friendship to be damaged by your mutual interest in him. Options include:
1) one of you agrees to step back for the sake of the friendship and let the other try to win his affections;
2) both of you agree that to stop your pursuits of him;
3) both agree to flirt with him and see who he likes, as it may be one of you, both, or neither one.
The more important this friendship is to you, the more important it is to have the conversation early and to agree on a plan.
I like my crush a lot and find myself talking a lot about her and thinking about her. The problem is that I'm a girl, and so is she. She also likes my best friend who's a boy. I don't know what to do. Do you have any suggestions?
You said your love interest "also" likes your best friend who is male. Do you know for sure that she is bisexual and likes you in return? Consider discussing it with her. Also, ask about how she feels your male friend and what she wants in a relationship.
Clarify with your male friend, too, how he feels about your love interest. If he only likes her as a friend, there's no conflict. However, if there's a two-way attraction between you and her and she and him, then there's a conflict brewing over the same girl.
Usually, when two friends like the same person, one agrees to stand down and let the other pursue the relationship. They do this in the interest of the overall friendship. Maybe you want to have that conversation with your male friend if he is also attracted to her. Agree on a solution, whether that's
1) letting one of you pursue the relationship with her
2) both of you casually dating her and letting her decide between you or seeing where things lead or
3) agreeing that neither of you should date her because it would ruin the friendship among the three of you.
If one of you ends up dating her, be respectful of showing any public displays of affection and sharing details regarding the romance. Good luck solving the dilemma. Give us an update letting us know what happened by writing a follow-up comment in the Comments Section of the playlist.
How do I write a song for my crush? I can't see him every day because he's too busy with his studies. However, the good thing is sometimes we talk through social media. We haven't met yet in person, and the problem is that I can't share my feelings with him directly. Therefore, I want to write a song.
Take a look at the lyrics of your favorite songs, especially love songs, as they are really just poems set to music. Now remember that not all poems have to rhyme in the standard singsong AABB way that we are all too familiar with seeing them in. Some don't rhyme at all. Some have complex schemes. You decide what works for you.
Pour out your thoughts and feelings for your crush in prose (non-poetic) form directly onto paper/the computer screen or into a voice recording (whatever format works best for you), as if you were talking to him. Here are some questions to get you thinking:
1) Is there specific information you want him to know?
2) Is there information you need from him in return?
3) What's stopping you from your goal?
4) What do you appreciate about him?
5) How and when did you first notice him?
6) What makes him special?
7) Where do you see yourselves ideally in the future?
8) How do you feel not being able to have him now?
9) What if he rejected you?
10) Are you telling a story?
11) What's the tone or mood of this song -- e.g., flirty, sad, sexy, etc.?
Review what you expressed. That should suggest a title and a few key catchy phrases for your poem/song if you spent sufficient time and energy on the writing portion. Build the structure of your poem/song around what you want your message to him to be. This message should be consistent in both the title and the lines or phrases that are repeated. Make sure to vividly "paint a picture" for the reader/listener with word choice that crackles. Now that you have the lyrics, just set it to music.
I like this girl who has a boyfriend. I can't stop thinking about her all the time. What do I do?
You can get to know her better as a friend, classmate, or acquaintance and let her know that her boyfriend is a lucky guy and/or if she's ever single, you'd be interested in going out. You can do it in a fun way so it doesn't come off as desperate (e.g., tell her you'd be interested in taking his place if she ever gets tired of him and SMILE widely when you say it).
It's better to announce your wishes up front than get stuck uncomfortably in the friendzone and just not tell her you are interested as a potential love interest. You'll at least be able to gauge her reaction from a comment like that (e.g., is it completely out of the question or a possibility?). If she continues to date her boyfriend, you should honor her decision but continue your acquaintance with her. Don't dwell on her dating relationship with her boyfriend. Date other girls but if she breaks up with that boyfriend, check in with her to see how she's doing.
I like a guy who is very shy and talks to me, thus I have absolutely no clue how he feels about me. The only thing that keeps me going is the fact that I sometimes look at him and he's already looking at me. What should I do about my crush?
The next time couple of times you catch him looking your way, give him a BIG smile so he knows you've noticed. If he responds, you know he's sharing your joy. Note that shy people may be embarrassed at first, so they may blush or smile and look down briefly. Don't look away or automatically assume this is disinterest. Over time try to hold his gaze. Develop it into a flirty game. Hold up a sign that says your name or draw a funny picture. Hopefully, he'll do the same thing. After a while of flirting back and forth, you'll both hopefully work up the nerve to talk to one another between classes.
It would also be helpful to be in the same places he happens to be if you can arrange that. Maybe you can trade seats with a classmate so you sit closer to him? Maybe you can join some of the same clubs he's in? Good luck in talking with your shy guy!
My crush loves baseball and even plays. Should I learn more about the sport so that we can talk about the things he enjoys?
There's nothing wrong with branching out and learning the basics of the sport (vocabulary, team positions, how the game is played and scored, etc.) so you can be a decent conversationalist. There is always a benefit in having a foundational knowledge about a variety of topics -- even those that actually do not interest you personally. You never know when that knowledge can be of good use! Beyond the basics, you can him ask questions and watch his games. He'll probably be more than interested in explaining.
In your eagerness to get close to him, however, don't forget that YOU have interests as well. He may be crazy about baseball, but if at some point he doesn't seem to want to talk about anything else (such as what else is going on in his life, YOUR hobbies or your thoughts and feelings), consider benching him.
I have a “friend with benefits" that I am developing feelings for. We both agreed to this, and it’s been six months. We don’t touch unless we are in the bedroom. Lately, we don’t linger afterward; he just kisses my forehead. When my car quit, he bought a car and handed the ownership and his bank card to me and said, “Do what you need to do.” Sometimes he just shuts me out. It’s confusing and emotionally upsetting. Do I pursue my feelings or just walk away?
When you initially agreed to this relationship, you probably didn't expect to develop an emotional attachment to the person you were sleeping with. You simply wanted to use one another for convenient, no-strings-attached sex. (Sex, however, is an intimate act that always has some strings attached.) While it's not impossible for a friends with benefits relationship to transition into a love relationship, communication regarding changing expectations and feelings is essential.
You've become emotionally attached, and it seems like he has become either bored or wary of your attachment. It's clear that you've exchanged benefits -- the car for sex -- but are you sure there's any friendship left? From what you describe, there's little emotionality between the two of you. He sounds more like a f*ck-buddy, to be honest. You deserve someone who will cherish and respect you. Put a halt to the sexual part of the relationship and see if he's still interested in the friendship. That'll tell you everything you need to know. Better verbal communication is needed to supplement the physical communication that's been going on.
I dated a guy for a little bit but he broke up with me because I wouldn’t give him exactly what he wanted. I thought I just needed to get over him, but I just can’t seem to do that. I want to talk through it and get back together, but I’m not sure how to do so. When we pass each other in the school hallways, he tries to avoid me. I miss him and want him back so bad. What should I do?
His reason for breaking up with you is one of the oldest in the world. I'm sorry, but it wasn't about love for him. He was just trying to manipulate you into giving him sexual satisfaction, and your feelings didn't matter at all. You could have been any girl. That's why he ignores you. It happened when I was a teen, it happens now, and it will happen when you are my age.
If you get back together with this emotional numbnuts, it's likely because he thinks you have changed your mind about the "giving him what he wants." You are worth SO MUCH MORE than this, sweet girl! Wait to find someone who will give you all his heart and shout that he loves you from the rooftops. Yes, they are out there!
You may truly believe you miss the guy you dated, but I think it's the idea of having a steady boyfriend and being loved. Love yourself first and foremost. It hurts like hell to be rejected and used in the way he used you, but LEARN from it. Don't go back for seconds -- please. This guy will make you bitter if you let him. Instead, pour all of your energy into making yourself the happiest, badass-est version of YOU that is possible so that you can move on and find someone who will value what's in your heart and between your ears as much as between your legs. You're worth giving him the cold shoulder.
I want to tell my crush that I have feelings for her. We have already dated on and off about 7 times but I want one more chance with her to prove to her that I have matured and we can make a relationship work. Should I try or am I wasting my time?
That's a lot of on and off dating. Move on to someone else. You're going to relive old patterns of conflict and make it 8 times. Be friends with her but look for love elsewhere. Romance is just not meant to be for you two.
I've been having really strange dreams about my crush. I've told a few friends about them and one suggested that I mention the dream to my crush. I honestly want to but I feel like that would ruin our friendship. Should I do it?
There are a few good things about dreams, should you choose to share your strange dream with your crush. Dreams don't have to make sense, as they're fantasy invented by a sleeping mind. Because you don't have absolute control over what you dream, people tend not to hold each other responsible for dreamed content. Be aware that we often censor who we share our dreams with, too. That's because divulging your dream will likely reveal a lot of psychological symbolism you may not see right away.
If you are going to tell your crush, be particularly cautious of their personal boundaries if the content of your dreams contains sex, violence, or other behavior that may offend your crush. Your crush may not want to know such personal information about you yet. Dreams are intimate peeks at our psyches, and they tell us a lot about one another, much more than what the surface details reveal. Weigh the potential upsides vs. the downsides and consider whether your crush is an appropriate audience for the information you want to share.
My crush knows I like him. He won’t talk to me, and I won’t talk to him. What should I do?
If this is about social anxiety, then someone has to make a move and be the first to talk. Music is the perfect way to do that. Make him a playlist of your favorite songs or songs, songs that remind you of him, or songs on a favorite subject. For example, if he likes math or engineering, there are lots of STEM-related songs. Alternatively, you can send him a single song about having a crush on him. Then ask him what he thought of it.
I am recently divorced, and my crush knows that I like him. Now I’m starting to feel more. He saved me from depression and I think about love instead of the divorce. I've always wanted to tell him about the positive impact he’s had on me, but I’ve been scared to do so. What should I do?
Since he already knows that you have a crush on him, pay special attention to the signs he's giving off regarding how HE feels about YOU. This includes both his verbal and nonverbal behavior. Does he flirt with you?
If he is receptive, try to spend more time with him. (Someone who likes you back will FIND the time to hang out with you.) Lastly, check-in with him by asking him directly how he feels about your friendship, i.e., whether you’re clicking on a romantic or “just friends” basis. For example, it could go something like this: “So it's fair to say you're aware I have a crush on you, am I right?” (He responds affirmatively.) Then ask, “So what are YOUR feelings for ME?” Let his response influence your word choice in sharing the information about his impact on your life. I hope you have a love connection.
I like this other girl a lot, and I want to tell her. We talk online and she often starts the conversations. She’s opening up to me and compliments me a lot. I’m scared that if I express my attraction then she may not share my feelings and this would jeopardize our friendship. What should I do ? I don’t think she’s into girls either. I have asked about her sexuality and she told me, “I don’t know. I’m questioning it.”
What you know at this point are these two things: 1) although she may not be lesbian, she has told you that she is questioning, and 2) your online friendship is mutual rather than one-way. This should give you a green light to express your admiration and attraction for her.
You don't have to express undying love for her. Just tell her that you think she's cute or special -- whatever feels natural. Ask if she's open to seeing if there's a potential love connection or spark between you. Acknowledge that it's awkward and that you don't want to jeopardize your friendship but that you really like her and just had to take the chance in expressing how you feel. The only way you're going to potentially get to the next level is to take that chance! Good luck!
My crush knows I like him, so my friend asked him if he liked me and did he want to date me. He responded, "Maybe, maybe not." What does that mean?
Stop using friends to telegraph your crush and just ask him yourself. Go up to him PERSONALLY, not through text, letter, social media post, etc. and say, "I understand you MIGHT like me and want to date me. Is that true or not?"
When you don't like someone you don't waste your time saying you "might" like them, so I suspect he does like you. However, you need to interact face-to-face with him rather than using go-betweens. When you start saying what you like and what you want, you'll notice that you will start getting better results.
I am in a relationship with someone, yet I’m starting to develop feelings for a friend. I’m demisexual, so naturally, I have to be friends with the person before I catch feelings. The feelings I have for my friend are progressing much more than they have with my girlfriend. What should I do?
It would be helpful if you could be open with your friend about your feelings for them so you could see whether they share your romantic attraction. Is it one-sided or mutual? That discussion will help you determine whether you should pursue a romantic relationship together. Assuming this is a mutual attraction, go with your heart. Be kind but direct with any breakup and do not delay.
I suspect that this emotional experience has given you important perspective. You may now realize on some level that perhaps your girlfriend is just a "placeholder" until someone more fitting comes along. Your attraction to your friend shows you that. Even if you and your friend don’t pursue a romantic relationship together, let the girlfriend go. She deserves to find love just as you do.
I have a crush on one of my best friends. Since we're both singers, I want to sing to him to express how I feel, but I just can't find the right song for him. I'm afraid that he'll hate it and I just want to properly express myself. Got any advice?
If your best friend feels anything for you, then he's NOT going to hate it. Besides, you're both singers.
If you cannot find a suitable song among the many crush-related songs, then take a look at one of the two following Spinditty playlists:
1) Consider tunes listed under "Songs About Needing Someone" http://hub.me/al2lh. I specifically like "When I Need You" originally by Leo Sayer (1977) and "Baby I Need Your Lovin'" by Four Tops (1964),
2) Particularly if there are sparks between you, why not pick a kissing-related song? There's a long list of Songs About Kisses and Kissing here: http://hub.me/akFW8. I particularly like "Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not" by Thompson Square (2010) and "Shut Up and Kiss Me" by Mary Chapin Carpenter (1994).
Good luck serenading him! You've got this!
I went to an event and met this one boy, who cared about me although we didn't talk much. I loved looking at him and stole glances when he looked away. I smiled a lot when I saw him, but I was not nervous when we talked. Is this a crush? I need to forget him now because I didn't ask for his number or anything. We lost contact, but I still think about him all the time.
Yes, this is a crush, but since you didn’t exchange contact information you now have two choices: 1) let him be a happy memory and turn your attention to the future or 2) try to track him down by contacting the event coordinator, if possible. Word to the wise: if there’s an inkling you’d ever want to stay in touch, exchange contact information and a photo. You don’t have to contact the person, but at least you have their information.
A guy I have a crush on smiles at me a lot, and others tell me he likes me. However, I’m afraid of rejection because people have played pranks on me with my first crush. I’ve also been rejected many times. What should I do?
I can understand why you are extra reluctant to believe that your crush would return your feelings. People can be so cruel. I’m sorry this happened to you previously.
Do not rely on what others tell you. They have demonstrated immaturity and casual disregard for your feelings. Instead, develop a friendship with your crush if he is receptive and start hanging out with him. Be sure to pay attention to his body language as well as what he says verbally. It’s harder to mistreat someone you regard as a friend. Take any relationship slowly rather than confessing your feelings all at once.
I have a crush on my friend’s married dad, and when we talk it feels flirty. He doesn’t like when I talk about my boyfriend. I told him one time that I didn’t know if I wanted to introduce him to my boyfriend, and my friend’s dad asked, “Why, are you afraid I will beat him up?” I was bewildered and asked, “Wait, like what?” He changed the subject. He is married and jokes about us drinking together. We don’t talk after 5 p.m. or on weekends. Am I reading too much into this?
People have what we call psychological boundaries which are relationship expectations, limits, beliefs, values, etc. It's how we regulate ourselves and our emotional distance from other people. Ideally, we have healthy emotional boundaries separating ourselves from others. However, sometimes, our emotional boundaries are fuzzy, unhealthy, and need clarifying. Other people may step in and try to manipulate our feelings or ideas through flattery or other methods. They attempt to impose their own values, beliefs, needs, etc. because it gives them what they want. (In this case, I think ultimately it's sex he wants from you, but he'll settle for sexy flirtation right now.) Unhealthy boundaries -- this is your situation.
Having a crush on someone who is inaccessible -- a teacher, coach, boss, person who is married, a celebrity, or in this case, a friend's father -- this sometimes happens, especially to teens who are new to raging hormones. People can't always help who they find attractive BUT they don't have to act on it or tell that person. You may not have actually told him, but your behavior might have telegraphed it. I'm not giving you a free pass, but honestly, he was the adult in this situation and it was incumbent upon him to respond appropriately even if you behaved in a flirty manner. (I am guessing you're an older teen?)
You already know there's something deeply inappropriate -- I would add DISTURBING -- about this relationship for several reasons:
1) he's married and yet flirting with you
2) he's your friend's dad (What is her reaction to all of this?)
3) most importantly, he's SIGNIFICANTLY older than you. If you're under age, he may be flirting with serious legal jeopardy should he actually make a move on a minor (i.e., a CHILD under the law). Just flirting with you like this isn't appropriate but doing more than flirting could end him up in jail and on a predator's list for life.
4) he's seemingly jealous of your boyfriend and jokes about his ability to inflict violence. This "caveman" type comment both confused you and at least made you think twice. I suspect that you couldn't share the conversations you have with your friend's father with others, such as his wife, your parents, your boyfriend, etc. Secrets are trouble.
5) he's teasing about drinking and if you are under age, then that's contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Alcohol reduces social inhibitions. Do not under ANY circumstances drink with him.
My short answer is no, this is NOT all in your head. Find a way not to have these one-on-one conversations with him or be around him at all preferably. It would be ideal if you could be honest with your friend about her creepy dad and agree to go elsewhere. I wouldn't be shocked if your friend's parents had ongoing marital troubles and her dad had a longstanding alcohol problem. Don't underestimate the level of potential danger this man could pose to you in the wrong situation. Men who like young girls are bad news. Draw those boundaries.
I have a crush on someone and don't know if he likes me back. I'm too scared to ask him myself. What do I do?
If you keep your feelings exclusively on the inside, there's little hope for an authentic connection and possible relationship. You thus have to work up the courage to flirt with him in order to let him know you like him. Start with smiling, long gazes, and sitting near him as much as possible. If he is receptive to your advances, ramp up the flirting. Talk to him more often about a variety of subjects so that your comfort level with him improves. The more familiar you are with one another the easier it will be to talk about your feelings in general and for one another.
I have a crush on a boy who tells me that he likes another girl but we can still be friends. I wait for him after school and we talk. We also talk on social media. He knows how I feel. Should I continue talking to him?
You have been friend zoned, meaning you have romantic feelings about him and he does not return these feelings. He has specifically told you that you can still be friends and he likes another girl. You need to honor his decision. You can't make someone like you. None of us can. I know that hurts. Although it may be logical that you and he should be together, your crush is just not feeling it. I'm sorry. I've been there, too.
The best thing to do is to work on getting over your crush. Distance yourself from him for now. Definitely stop waiting for him after school and chat on social media and in school only on occasion, like you do with other guys who are strictly friends. Over time, it'll become easier as your feelings for him fade.
I have a crush on my best friend, but I’m reluctant to ruin it by telling her. Our mutual friends tell me that we would be cute together. We are going to different schools next year and I won’t see her, so what should I do?
Since you are going to different schools next year, NOW is the time to make your move if you’re going to do it at all. It’s better to express your admiration for her now than regret not doing so. Yes, you risk rejection, but there’s a risk to everything. The real risk is never saying anything.
You don’t have to express undying love for your friend, just a special liking. Consider taking one of the following approaches -- whatever works for you:
1) Wait for a time when you are alone with her, then share how you feel about going to different schools. Describe how special she is and how much you will miss her. Based on her response, use it as a segue to say that you have to admit you have a crush on her.
2) Send her a photo slideshow of the two of you with a special “crush” background song. Being such good friends, I’m sure you have many photos that feature the two of you. Let the last slide be your big ask. Ask her out.
3) Send her flowers, and on the card that comes with the flowers say something like, “You’re beautiful. Will you go out with me?”
Whatever your choice, I wish you the best in sharing your feelings with her. She’s probably waiting to hear it.
Currently, I’m talking to a girl I like. She understands me and means the world to me. However, I have a hard time forgetting a girl I previously talked to, someone who makes me feel sad and acts as if she doesn’t care. I’m confused. What should I do?
It is certainly possible to have romantic feelings (and to even be in love with) two people at the same time, although I wouldn't recommend it. As much as you may be attracted to the girl from your past, she has rejected you. Understand that and move on. Why would you want someone who makes you feel sad and acts as if she doesn't care? It's game-playing, insensitive to your feelings and a waste of time and emotional energy. Either she has lots of emotional baggage that you'd better be prepared to help her carry or she's not as into you as you are to her. Leave her in your past. I wonder if you're attracted to the thrill of the chase to some degree?
Be authentic about what you want. You're currently talking to someone who genuinely understands you and seems to value you. That's what healthy relationships look like. Is that what you want? If you don't feel the spark, with the new girl cut things off and remain just friends, but don't go back to someone who makes you feel glum.
My crush knows that I like her because her mother and friends told me. Now what do I do?
You have the hard part out of the way (figuring out whether your crush is mutual). The next step is to approach her and start talking. Use lots of eye contact and smiling. You could start with a flirty comment such as, “A little birdy told me you have a crush on me. Is that true?” Wait for her response, but understand that she may be embarrassed. Tell her outright that you have a little crush on her as well, so she knows the admiration is mutual. It’s okay to admit that you’ve wanted to talk to her but were a little nervous.
Talk to her like a friend. Ask questions about her life and what she is interested in. Share what’s important in your life as well as your feelings. Don’t worry about impressing her. Just be authentically you because she likes you already and wants to know more! Chat frequently, send her texts, give her sincere compliments, sincerely listen to her, and sit near her when you can. Take it slowly, but those are your next steps.
I want to tell my crush I like him, but the problem is he is my BFF’s brother. Our families have literally traveled the world together; we are so close. I'm confused about what to tell him and scared if he rejects me. What should I do?
Be cautious with this one because your families interact so closely. It has a chance to become very awkward for everyone, particularly if he doesn't feel the same. If you wind up dating instead, your parents will likely provide more oversight as your families travel together.
Hopefully, you've been paying attention to whether your flirting is mutual. Watch his body language in particular. Try to get more alone time with him. See if the two of you can have a few "friend dates" doing something casual like going for ice cream or pizza and talking. Talk about both of your dating lives and compare what you're looking for in partners. If a dance or social event is coming up like a prom, see if he'll be your escort. Ask him for advice on how you find someone like him. This is your cue to describe what you like about him ("You're smart, have a good sense of humor, ... ."). Each step of the way, pay attention to his cues, both verbal and nonverbal.
My friend told an entire classroom I liked this girl, and now everyone knows. It made me feel really awkward. I think she likes me, but her cousin is in the way of the relationship developing further. When she's with other people she behaves very “girly,” but when we talk alone, she is genuine. I don't know what to do at the moment. Should I take a risk and try to pursue the relationship further?
Let me point out the obvious first: it sounds like you are a teen. You are each struggling with the normal challenges of
1) negotiating changes to your social life
2) navigating the world of dating and
3) trying to figure out who you are becoming.
It’s natural to be somewhat different around different groups of people. We all do it. You probably behave differently around the guys compared to when you’re with her, if you’re honest with yourself. For example, you’re probably louder, your language is coarser, and you’re probably more physical with your male friends (e.g., playful shoving and pushing).
It’s also natural to “try on” different sides of oneself as a teen tries to figure out exactly where they fit on a femininity (or masculinity) spectrum. The truth is that perhaps she is BOTH of what you have witnessed; perhaps she enjoys being a “girly girl” sometimes, especially around certain friends, but also enjoys the sincere, sensitive, one-on-one conversation with you. Cut her some slack. Realize that you do it too. Take a risk and ask her out.
I got friendzoned by my crush. I still like her and can't get over her. Is there anything I can do to get her to like me back?
While none of us can make someone like us back, you can increase your chances while also maximizing your opportunities for happiness with others. First, make sure you're not "smothering" her by being hyperavailable. If you're always around her, ready to lend her a helping hand, ready to listen to her problems, or you are available to give advice to her about her dating woes, then you're filling all her needs already. She knows she's won you already. Instead, back off some. Don't play the friend role for a painfully long time if what you really want to be is her boyfriend. People settle into their roles, and it becomes difficult to shift behavior and expectations after awhile when one person is satisfied with the relationship (the crush) and the other will take any type of relationship they can get just to be near their crush. The power imbalance in that is huge. You don't want that.
Find other people to spend time with even though you want to be with her right now. Develop interest in other girls. Don't ignore her but don't make your crush the center of your existence anymore. I know this will be hard. I was there as a teen, but I lived through it and so will you!
While you've been pining away over her, there might have been someone interested in you! Think about that! Amp up your style (what you're wearing, hair, working out, etc.) to make sure you are your most confident every day. It's interesting how when you're at your most confident, others tend to notice you and become interested. Keep your foot in the door with your crush if you want by chatting with her every once in awhile to see what she's up to. You may find that either she's noticing you more or you don't like her as much as you used to. I'm hoping that with a more confident you, you'll broaden your outlook.
Remember the saying, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be." What this means is that only she can grant you her love. I wish you the best in dealing with being friendzoned. May the best thing happen for you.
My crush forced me to tell him who I liked. After I told him that I liked him he told me he had a crush on me too. We started texting each other, and I asked him why won't he talk to me anymore. Any ideas?
The fact that you say he "forced" you to tell him who you liked and now doesn't talk to you in person anymore suggests to me that his social skills are probably poor. This isn't uncommon, especially these days when there's such an emphasis on social media. He may be more comfortable with texting rather than talking face-to-face, but 1) texting is only one method of communication, and 2) he's not the only person in your relationship who matters.
Stand up for what you want. Insist that you spend time together (and make him silence that phone while he's with you). Talk about things that matter personally. Hold hands. That's not something you can do over the phone, right? You may have to lead the conversation at first. Get good at asking questions and listening to the answers.
You may also consider a fun get-to-know-you game asking one another fun questions. You should come prepared with slips of a jar or envelope of maybe 25-50 folded slips of paper with questions written on them. Then take turns drawing one, reading them and answering them. You can get ideas for fun and appropriate questions online. Let the conversation lead you where it will. Insist on playing this game only in person so you can look at one another, smile, hold hands and gauge each others' reactions when you're answering. With encouragement and practice, he will see that being in one another's physical company is much more fun than reading what someone types.
I’ve gone out with a girl twice but she seems like she’s still a bit hungover her ex. We haven’t even kissed yet as weird as that is. What do I do about her seeming interest in her ex? Should I continue to pursue her?
There must be specific behaviors that cause you to suspect that she's still got a thing for her ex. For example, she may bring him up in conversation a fair amount, she's holding on to their relationship memorabilia, the posts she makes on social media, etc.
When there's a good time, discuss it with her in person (so you can read her facial expressions and other nonverbal behaviors). Tell her that you've noticed that she's brought his name up three times in your date today (or whatever the behavior is), then nonjudgmentally ask if she is having trouble getting over him. People can't always turn off their feelings when they break up with someone, especially if the relationship ended badly. She may need some time and understanding. If you are willing to be patient, then ask her what she needs from you. She may be into you but just need to take a new relationship a little slow, especially if she was really in love with him, he betrayed her, and/or dated him a long time. Talk about it. If you like her invest in the relationship.
There's a guy who is about 4 years older than me and I wonder whether he thinks of me as a friend or an amusing little sister, what should I do?
The first question you need to ask yourself is whether he is too old for you to date. There is a rule of thumb on this: divide the older person's age by two and add seven. That will give you the minimum acceptable age for a dating partner. Thus, if he is 22, the math is (22/2)+7=18. (You'd, therefore, need to be 18.) This formula is only appropriate when both parties are over 18, of course. You don't specify your age. I personally think that 4 years is too much of an age gap until you get into your upper twenties.
If you're satisfied that age is not an issue, then make sure he sees you as a mature and confident young woman. Express your opinions, preferences, and personality without a question mark. Flirt with him and see whether he flirts back. Ask what he's looking for in a girl and engage in conversation about what you both want out of life. You can even ask whether he's ever thought of going out with you if you feel daring. You can also have fun with a game of "ask me anything."
My crush is a year older than me in school. We have good chemistry, act flirty when around one another, but on rare occasions, he emphasizes that we are friends. I think he doesn’t understand the fact that I love him. What should I do?
My best friend is in a relationship, and he told me he wants to break up with his girlfriend. He asked me to help him break up with her and also said he'd like to date me afterward. I do like him, but I have never shared that with him. Should I help them break up and should I date him afterward?
How can I tell the guy I have a crush on how I am feeling? We are friends and I sit next to him in class.
Flirt with him first and see whether how he responds. Watch his nonverbals as well as paying attention to his verbal responses. This should give you an indication as to whether he sees you more of a buddy or a potential dating partner. If things go well, share your social media and other contact information and take the conversation online via text and phone in addition to in-person so you can deepen your connection more than just sitting beside one another. Is your online or text communication with him generally one-way or mutual? Pay attention to that. If it's going well, compliment him, tell him he is special, or what you like about him and see how he responds. This should help you communicate your interest. Pay attention to his cues. Remember: you shouldn't do all the relationship work!
My friend and I have the same crush. I liked him before and didn’t reveal it to anyone. Then she told me that she likes him a lot. Now I don’t know what to do. He seems to be closer to me. I don’t want to tell her because she is very sensitive and will hate me. What should I do?
I've already told my crush that I like him, how do I get him to like me back?
You've already put your feelings out there by telling him. Since he didn't respond positively, respect his feelings and find someone who will like you back. You can't convince someone to like you so don't try. If a certain magical quality isn't there, it just isn't happening. This is nothing personal. We all face it.
I like a guy who makes me laugh out loud. Sometimes I cry with laughter. We have long conversations even with his friends around. Does he like me?
This guy sees you either as one of his funniest friends (almost like "one of the guys") or as a potential romantic partner. The key to whether you are being friend zoned can be found in whether this guy flirts with you and expresses a physical attraction -- lots of leaning in, touching, eye contact, smiling, etc. If this is the case, it's likely that your conversations have involved topics about dating, romance, sexuality, and similar topics. If you're such good friends, play a game of 20 questions or "ask me anything" with him to see where that leads. Or talk seriously when you get the chance about what you're looking for in your dating life and future.
You can also look at his friends for a hint. If they tend to leave the two of you alone so you can be a "couple" or seem to joke about you two, he's probably shared how he feels about you.
I want to tell my crush about my feelings, but I’m too scared. At my school we have a talent show, and I want to dance to my selected song then point and look at him so he knows I like him. Is this a good idea for letting him know that I like him?
Yikes! Don't do that. I thought you said you were scared?!? While it is incredibly daring to signal your attraction to a crush in front of the whole school, you risk embarrassing him and/or yourself. There's the possibility that he doesn't feel the same. If you're rejected, wouldn't you rather it be private? Even if he shares your feelings some people do not like being made the focus of attention like that. Also consider that if you're pointing to him in the audience, how do you know he'll be looking at you at the appointed time or that someone unintended will not mistakenly believe you pointed at them instead? Figure out a more private way to share your feelings, even if is telling him in advance that you selected the song with him in mind. Or afterwards wait for him to compliment you on how you did and then tell him. Good luck!
A girl I like sat on my lap and took my hoodie. My best friend, who just met her, asked her if she liked anyone and she denied it, but my best friend said she was looking at me differently. A few days ago, my best friend asked her again and she said she didn’t know me well enough, but she’s known me for about 7 months. Then this past week, she suggested that we should to prom together but didn’t specify as dates or friends. Does she like me or not?
Your crush seems to want you to put more of your feelings out there. She's flirting with you but what kind of signals are you sending? You're having your best friend talk to her on your behalf. No wonder she's sending you conflicting signals. Communicate more directly with her and leave your best friend out of it.
The only real way to know how she feels is to ask her. She’s asked you to prom already which is a big deal so you need to follow up with her to clarify. Tell her you’re looking forward to going to prom together if she’s still interested and you would love to go as dates rather than just friends. Ask her what she thinks about that. Then be quiet while she gives you her thoughts. If she doesn’t think of you in a romantic way, she’ll let you know immediately and then you can recalibrate expectations accordingly. You can do this.
I text my crush a lot but in person it's hard to get the courage to go up to him and start a conversation. But when I do talk to him in person, it's so easy and fun. I always question if he really wants to talk to me or spend time with me over his friends. What should I do?
If he didn't want to talk with you, he wouldn't leave his friends to talk with you. If you feel uncomfortable about taking him away from his friends, then introduce yourself to them or have him introduce you to them and make some small talk with them. Try to grow the connections with his friendship circle. Encourage him to also initiate contact with you by coming over and talking to you instead of waiting for you to make the first move. All that takes is to wave him on over or text him to come sit with you.
There's a girl in my school that I love but we've only talked a couple of times. I see her stare at me all the time, and when I look at her she looks away. She tries to find an excuse to talk to me, touch my hand, and tries to “bump” into me. Her group of friends and her look at me smiling. We have a lot of similar interests. She's single, but I'm too shy. What should I do?
The girl you are attracted to obviously has a crush on you, so you have a decision to make about your shyness. Do you want to be comfortably shy and alone OR feel somewhat outside of your comfort zone and maybe get a girlfriend? Having been a shy teen myself, I understand that introducing yourself and talking to people you don't know isn't exactly fun. But the risks for you are worth the potential rewards. Here are a couple of things to consider:
1) make sure you look your best (e.g., grooming, clothes), as that will bolster your self-confidence
2) practice the art of holding a gaze without staring -- it's an essential flirting technique
3) when you see her looking your way, smile and wave or nod your head in acknowledgment
4) ask one of her friends for her contact information and "talk" over social media
5) practice the art of asking questions; if you're nervous during a conversation or don't know what to say, ask an open-ended question about the other person so they talk about themselves. This will help you when you talk with her at length.
6) when you see her stare at you, move from where you are sitting/standing and go join her friend group. Playfully ask them why they were laughing at you. You might even jokingly guess a few things (Laughing makes people feel more comfortable). Then before you leave, give a folded piece of paper with your contact information to your crush.
I hope these ideas were helpful. Shyness doesn't have to be a roadblock to love.
Sometimes I catch a guy I like looking at me during classes. When I return his gaze, he always averts his eyes. What should I do?
His continued interest means he finds you appealing on some level. You can either continue the game or take things a step further by doing one of the following: 1) going over and introducing yourself, 2) bringing him a candy bar and attach a brief note with your contact information, signing it "the girl you stare at who stares at you" 3) arrange to trade seats so that you sit closer to him.
My friend asked my crush if he and I are friends and nothing more. My crush replied with the phrase, "not really." What does that mean? Did he mean he does not like me romantically or we are not friends at all? I am SO confused.
You have good reason to be confused, and you want to know why? You allowed a friend to act as your "agent" or "middle man" in communicating with your crush. Good quality relationships and clear communication do not work that way. Opt for a "do-over" by going to your crush and confessing that you are confused. Then be ready to say about what. Alternatively, you can flirt with your crush and tell him that rumor has it he has a crush on you. Wait for him to react to your statement by either confirming or denying it. You can always smile big and respond that you are really happy that he likes you too!
My chief point does not allow someone else to communicate on your behalf. Speak on your own behalf so you can communicate precisely the message you want, ask follow-up questions if you don't understand, see the person's expressions, and get the full context of the conversation.
My crush friend zoned me and I have recently written a song for him. Should I send it to him? I'm scared he will think I am crazy.
If your crush has told you he is not interested in dating you, you need to believe him. Sometimes we just don't feel the "spark" for someone. You have to honor his decision, so please don't send him a song, poems, letters, gifts, or other expressions of romantic feelings. It's better to work on focusing your energy elsewhere. I know this hurts, but take comfort in knowing that we have all been rejected at some point, and there WILL be someone else who returns your affections. I'm sorry this has hurt you.
When your crush says you are not their type of girl, what does that mean?
We've all been rejected at some point in our lives or have harbored feelings for crushes who consider us "just friends" or mere acquaintances. Your crush is being candid that they don't see you as a romantic partner. Yes, it hurts, but they've saved you time and energy in figuring that out yourself. They are telling you that for some reason, there's just no spark between you. You cannot make them feel something they don't. Perhaps they like short, nerdy, engineering girls and you're a tall, wispy creative type. Or they like loud and brassy girls who love to party but you are an introvert with a close-knit group of friends who spends all your extra time running. Instead of trying to change who you are, look for someone who will cherish you for who you are. There's someone who will enjoy YOUR type, whatever that is!
I have a crush on one of my best male friends from summer camp. He lives 10 hours away from me, however, and I’m not a fan of long-distance relationships. He tends to keep his feelings silent because he has been hurt before. Any advice?
If he is your best friend you should be reasonably comfortable describing your feelings. Don't hold back just because those feelings are about him and you are unsure about how he feels in return. Revealing emotions always involves risk of rejection on some level.
You're probably getting ahead of yourself with this idea of a long-distance relationship not even knowing if he likes you back now. However, long-distance relationships are difficult to maintain even for people who are madly in love. How about agreeing instead to a "special friendship" and making sure to connect via FaceTime, social media and even snail mail? Make sure you establish upfront that you can date other people but reconnect at summer camp (or other times) in the future. If the relationship blossoms you can make future plans to be closer together geographically (attending college, etc.)
All of my crush’s friends know I like him. How do I tell him without creeping him out? He’s always staring at me. Does that mean he likes me? My crush will be having surgery soon and I want him to know I care about him.
There’s a guy who is in love with me, but I’ve told him that I don’t feel as intensely as he does. Instead, I’m in love with a friend from my childhood. However, I fear telling my friend about my feelings because he is way out of my league. Should I risk rejection and reveal my feelings or conceal my feelings and try to forget love?
Let the love of your life know how you feel. Really, how could you hold this in if you feel so strongly? Yes, you risk rejection, but it’s better to know than to always wonder “what if.” The possibility of a love connection is well worth possible rejection. Go for it.
Be aware that you don’t have to dump all your feelings at once, and humiliation doesn’t have to be a consequence. Just try to get closer to him and flirt. Have fun. See if he returns your advances. Let him know verbally that he is special to you. Pay attention to both his verbal and nonverbal responses. Does he encourage your flirting and romantic interest? His responses will let you know whether to continue to reveal more about your feelings.
Also, continue to treat the guy who has the crush on you (the one you are rejecting) with empathy as well as directness. He has put his heart out there and let you know how he felt. He took a risk for you but lost. Although you can’t make yourself love someone else, be discreet and don’t rub his face in any new relationship you might have.
I have a crush on a guy who is so kind and sweet but I don't have the guts to tell him. What should I do?
Sooner or later you need to let your crush in on your feelings if you want to have any hope of taking your attraction from fantasy to reality. I suspect you know this. You need to be the one to share your feelings with him, not a well-meaning friend. (Read some of the many other questions, and you'll see why I recommend against having a friend get involved in telling your crush about your attraction. There are so many things that can go wrong.)
You have to work up the nerve over time to let him know you like him. Start looking his way and smiling. See if he returns your attention. Try to have small conversations with him, sit closer to him in class or at lunch. See if you can connect with him over social media. As your contact with him becomes more frequent, you'll become more comfortable. Throughout this process, pay attention to his nonverbals regarding whether he's flirting back with you. Good luck.
I like this guy, and my friend said that he told her he liked me for several years. Should I believe my friend?
If your friend is a generally trustworthy person, doesn't have a history of misleading you, and there's no motive for him/her to lie to you now, then I don't understand why you are so conflicted. Stop twiddling your thumbs and let the guy know you're interested, too. Stop going through other people and deal directly with your crush one-on-one. That'll solve your problem. Practice makes perfect when interacting with crushes. Go talk with him.
What do you do if your crush knows you like him but he likes your best friend?
Since your crush is already aware of your feelings and you know he doesn't share them, you need to move on emotionally and choose someone else to turn your attention toward. Sorry, he's just not feeling it. Rejection has happened to all of us. Although it would be awkward if your friend started to date him, you can't prevent that from happening and it would be wrong to try. Your friend should make her own decisions. However, you can be honest with her that you are recovering from rejection and you feel hurt, disappointed and a little envious that he likes her instead of you.
I have a friend who helped me get closer to my crush even though he likes me. I realized that my friend had feelings for me. I thought my crush could give me the love and time I needed, but it was my friend who gave me that. My friend and I don't talk much anymore. He's leaving the city, and I feel like it's my fault. Now, I just realized that I have feelings for my friend. However, now my crush likes me back. I’m so confused. What should I do? Who to choose?
You friend-zoned the guy who cared about you and had him help you get closer to your crush. The guy probably feels used. If he leaves the city as planned, it looks like you may not have this choice between the two because your friend will be gone. Don't play with your friend's emotions any more by trying to start a romantic relationship with him unless you've got the crush totally out of the picture. It's not fair to your friend. (Of course, it's possible that your friend is no longer interested in a relationship with you.)
Get your crush out of your system. You acknowledge that your crush previously couldn't give you the love and time you required. Unless something big has changed, what makes you think he can do so now? There's something about your crush that you find irresistible. Perhaps it's a love connection. However, I suspect you'll discover part of the appeal was the chase.
I have a crush on my childhood friend, but my other friends have told me that it's inappropriate and disgusting. Should I confess my feelings or not?
They probably think of childhood friends as pseudo-siblings, but many people don't agree. Your experience of crushing on a friend is common so don't let your other friends shame you about it. You just happen to have been friends with him for many years.
You can try to deny feelings, get over them, or keep them private, but they are what they are.
Both your feelings and perceptions of him have evolved, and telling him will alter your relationship regardless of his response. As long as you realize that, why not talk to your crush about your changing view of him without pouring out undying romantic love? You might, for instance, describe how you no longer think of him as the same little kid you climbed trees with once, remarking that he's grown into quite a handsome guy. Add a little flirtation and inside humor to it, then gauge his reaction. That will let you know whether he's looking at you in a similar way.
What should I do if I don't feel the same way about the person who has a crush on me?
We've all felt (or will at some point) a one-way romantic connection. It hurts not to have your crush like you back, but if you're in the crush's shoes, there are a couple of things you can do to ensure that it goes as well as possible. Out of respect and empathy for the other person,
1) be direct, firm, and sincere -- tell them that you're sorry, but you don't feel the same way
2) be discreet -- make this a private conversation rather than allowing it to be gossip among friends; you don't want to shame them for expressing their admiration of you
3) handle the rejection quickly -- instead of letting their one-way crush for you go on and on (in the hope that maybe the problem will go away), face the situation and be done
4) don't ignore them or treat them differently afterward.
Think about how you would want to be treated.
I have a crush on a guy at church who is 7-10 years older than me, and I want to build a friendship with him so we can move up a level. However, I don’t know where to start because I’m so nervous and shy. How should I start a conversation with him without looking stupid?
Unless you’re a middle-aged adult (and I suspect you are not), I would strongly urge you not to pursue a crush with someone this much older. Not all crushes have to be acted upon. You can admire your crush from afar, as we do over distant movie stars none of us can realistically have.
It’s much easier and more appropriate for you to pursue a potential relationship within your age group. You’ll have much more in common with guys your age and find that conversation flows so much easier. I would never recommend that teens in particular date someone outside of perhaps a two-year age difference. The maturity gap and expectations can be substantial. You can get yourself into trouble quickly and not even see it coming.
Stick with someone your age. You’ll worry less about nervousness and will be able to be yourself.
I’m female and in love with my best friend. I don’t want to confess my feelings for her even though I strongly suspect she feels the same for me. The reasons for my reluctance include our ages and my mother’s reaction if she were to find out. My friend also has a crush on someone else. Any advice?
Your strong attraction to your friend has brought increasing focus on your sexual orientation and issues of identity. Please don’t feel ashamed of who you are, regardless of whether you receive support from your family. Sexual orientation is a complex array of genetic, hormonal, and sociocultural (environmental) influences.
You may not be ready yet to come out to select family members until you understand more about who you are. Why not discuss your feelings with your friend as a first step? That discussion may reveal that her crush for the other person pales in comparison to her feelings for you, who knows?
In the meantime, you may also want to start to take the following steps to the extent that you are ready:
1) read about sexual orientation and the issues that the LGBT community faces
2) educate yourself about LGBT resources available, both online and locally
3) start to develop a support network - seek support from LGBT people you know and from LGBT allies (people who are accepting of LGBT people and who advocate for fair and equal treatment).
I wish you well.
I have a crush I don’t know that well. Should I just ask them out or get to know them better first?
Asking a crush out so you can spend time alone with them and get to know them better may get you rejected if they don't know much about you yet. To them, it may feel like your request is coming out of left field. However, if you get to know one another first and really pay attention to the signs, you'll both know whether this is a potential love match. Flirt a little and have some fun with them, then ask them out.
My crush broke up with her girlfriend, and I think it was my fault. Should I still tell her I like her? If so, then when?
Your crush is an adult and can take responsibility for her own actions. Her breakup was her decision, not yours. If you have a crush on her and she is now single, give her at least a week or so to process the breakup. Talk with her about how she's handling it. Be sensitive about the timing based on your conversations with her. Depending on whether she seems ready to move on, start to let her know that you think she is attractive and special and you enjoy her as more than just friends.
I have a crush I've known for a little while, but they're shy. How do I know if they like me back?
Since they are shy, they may be a little more difficult to get to know. Make eye contact, smile, talk with them in one-on-one situations, and make attempts to sit near them. Pay attention to their reactions. Do they return your smile and eye contact, move in closer, seem eager to talk with you or do they instead seem less interested and make excuses to get going? Look for the pattern. You might also ask for their phone and social media contact info, but don't let this replace in-person communications. Their eagerness to communicate with you and depth of engagement should tell you whether they're into you.
I wrote a song for my crush. Should I send him the lyrics or just wait and sing it to him?
While serenading your crush (singing your lyrics live to him) is a romantic move, your lyrics may get lost in the surprise and magic of the moment. It's also very challenging to find precisely the right moment. Why not make a recording of yourself and include the lyrics as well? That way, you can ensure that your delivery is exactly as you'd like and he gets a copy of the lyrics plus any additional photos and message you'd like to include. Perhaps upload it as a private YouTube video.
I finally told my crush that I like them. They replied with, "I sorta realized that a while ago you know. It was obvious, but it’s cool." What does that reply mean?
Your crush doesn't share the intensity of your attraction. Unfortunately, they're trying to tell you in a low key way that they already knew you had feelings for them and they aren't interested. Rather than dwell on them, try to move on to someone who is feeling the same vibes as you. We have ALL been through situations in which we felt more attraction for someone that they did for us, so don't be embarrassed of the rejection. It's just part of trying to find someone who is right for you. Communicate your interest early to avoid wasting time and emotional energy then read their signals.
I want to tell my crush I like him, but I don’t have the guts to do so. I found myself alone with him at my house outside on the swing set, but I couldn’t tell him, I’m afraid of not telling him. Someone told him that we would make a good couple multiple times but he said he hated me. However, he keeps trying to impress me and talk to me or get me involved in group activities. He even asked me what I would do if I was in love. What should I do?
First, his behavior is not indicative of someone who hates you. To the contrary, it suggests to me he is young, awkward, and new to owning and expressing his romantic feelings.
You seem to want to take a lead role in expressing your emotions in this budding relationship. Don’t feel you must, but if that’s what you prefer to do, create more interactions between you and your crush where you can be alone and just talk freely. Be honest and open so he knows the real you. Also try to do things with him in a group context, even if it’s just studying or hang out with friends.
The overall aim is to increase your mutual comfort level and trust so you can more openly communicate about your feelings for one another. Keep what he tells you to yourself rather than sharing every detail with friends. That will really increase trust. I think he does like you, too, but developing a quality romantic relationship is a step-by-step process. You’ll both know when the time is right to share your feelings.
I have a crush but every time he’s near me I just freeze, and no words come out. I am always awkward around him and my hands start shaking. I wanna talk to him, but I’m too scared and nervous of saying the wrong things or something stupid. What should I do?
He's a person just like you are. Rather than talk to him face-to-face first, since you have anxiety about it, first work on your eye contact with him. Smile and concentrate on him, not yourself. If you get good results (he returns your eye contact and smiles) maybe you can feel more comfortable to start a conversation in person or via social media. Sometimes it just helps to tell a person that you're nervous and get that out of the way.
I have a crush on my friend but I don't want to ruin our friendship if I ask her out, what should I do?
Your friend probably senses that you treat them differently than before. Your crush on them already shows even if you don't think it does. Goo-goo eyes and other flirting. Others might have even said something to them about the vibes you're giving off. Perhaps they share your feelings. Why not find out?
Get your feelings out in the open early before the situation becomes really awkward. If they don't feel the same way about you, you will know early on and won't invest a lot of time and emotional energy worrying about how to tell them. It's okay to be rejected. It's also easier to just go back to being friends when it's discussed early on.
Just take a chance and be open about your feelings. A conversation starter might be: "Can I make a little confession?" OR "Can I get something out in the open? Maybe you've noticed I've been acting a little differently around you ... ." Wait for their acknowledgment, describe how you value their friendship but how you have also started to see them in a different light. Ask if they are open to dating so you can both see if there might be something more than friendship between you.
You've got this!
I met my crush two years ago and have had a crush on him for about a year. We unknowingly attended the same week-long church camp, during which he kept doing all the activities I did and sat next to me at worship. He kept touching my knee and hand, and at one point we were up at the cross praying, and he held my hand. Do you think he likes me? Should I make a move before it’s too late?
He definitely likes you. Ask if he will sit with you at mealtime or wants to spend free time together. Give him sincere compliments when appropriate. You can even let him know that holding hands made your heart feel glad. There will be no confusion this way about how you feel about him. Also, before camp ends, make sure you take a photo together and have each other's contact information.
My ex broke up with me because he was scared that I was going to leave him for my guy best friend. He didn't speak of his concerns until after he decided to end it. It's been several months now and I'm still madly in love with him. He still calls me "beautiful" and seems confused. I don't know how he feels, and I'm terrified to tell him anything about how I'm feeling. I just really feel like he is maybe the one and I don't want to lose him. What do I do?
If you truly believe he is "the one," then go to him and put all of your feelings out there. Who cares about the potential for rejection? Don't let someone you are in love with get away because of a stupid misunderstanding.
I do have concerns about your boyfriend's jealousy over your friendship, particularly his inability to discuss it with you before ending the relationship. Was his fear of rejection stronger than his feelings for you? He could have at least described his concerns before breaking up with you. Be wary of any requests to end your association with your best friend. Maybe you need to modify some behaviors and your boyfriend needs to adjust his comfort level and acceptance of the friendship, but it would not be appropriate to require a partner to end a friendship -- even if you believe your boyfriend is "the one."
I like a guy who has a girlfriend and my best friend just tried to hook us up. He ended up blocking me on social media. I have tried to apologize and explain that it wasn’t me, but he won’t budge. Please tell me ... what I should do?
Best friends can mean well but I hear so many examples of them actually causing more problems by trying to "help." Make sure your friend knows that from now on you're going to do you and she can support you by listening, no more.
As far as trying to undo the impact of the damage she has caused, you should leave the issue alone right now. Do not try to contact him, no matter how hard that may be. It seems stalker-like. Blocking literally means he doesn't want to communicate with you. Let some time go by and put it on your friend to connect with him in person, not via social media to explain. She should admit what she did, but I'm not sure it will make a difference.
What should I do when my crush takes forever to answer?
If you're making contact with them via social media and they repeatedly leave you on "read" for a long time before responding, for example, that's a big red flag that they don't share your level of interest. Find someone who is more interested and considerate.
My friend was my crush. However, now we are fighting and he never wants to talk to me. It's been six months, and his friends hate me. What should I do?
You don't say why you and your crush are fighting and your friend/crush is no longer talking to you. Giving someone the silent treatment is a loud signal of hurt and rejection. Evidently, there was a misunderstanding of some kind. Make an attempt to talk with your friend to apologize and make amends if you have done something wrong. Don't explain yourself or make excuses. Simply apologize sincerely and ask forgiveness. Don't worry about his friends. Your relationship is with him, not them. If he won't grant you forgiveness, then move on with the knowledge that you have sincerely tried. Six months is a long time to hold a grudge, and it's time to settle this. Stop trying to be "right" if you value this relationship.
I like the new guy in school. He's very decent and an all around a nice guy, but I'm kind of shy and we've almost never talked. How do I start up a conversation with him without looking weird?
Forget about what people think about you! Throw caution to the wind and just introduce yourself ASAP. Having often been the new person in school because my dad relocated a lot, I know what it's like to be a stranger in a new place. You don't know anyone. Be one of the early people to get to know him by just introducing yourself, saying you've seen him around and asking a few basic questions about him and his past. Ask what he thinks about specific aspects of his new surroundings, whether he needs help or has questions, and let the conversation flow naturally. This is a perfect way to give him your contact information so he can reach out to you if he'd like to talk or needs anything. It's as easy as that! You've got this!
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