Married Too Long Playlist: 28 Songs About Less Than Perfect Marriages
Forever Is a Real Long Time
The Price of Forever: It's Not Always Wedded Bliss
Long marriages are like fondant-covered wedding cake. They might look flawless, but taste 'em for yourself and you'll soon realize all is not as perfect as it seems.
Anyone who has been married a long time can attest that there are good times—or good years—and then there are long spells that just aren't. They can also explain that the perfect person you exchanged vows with is not the one you live with day in an day out. But honestly, the same can be said of you, too, right?
Over the decades two people
- learn everything there is to know about each other
- experience body changes that aren't always pretty
- may focus on career and self rather than one another
- could struggle with infidelity and
- deal with issues of power and control, nagging and bickering.
This playlist is a fun nod to those who have agreed to the vow of "better or worse" and have seen both things come true. And yet they keep on loving their sweetheart—or at least putting up with them—year after year.
Some of these songs are serious and will make you think. Others are downright hilarious. Make yourself a Married Too Long Playlist and just be glad you have someone.
1. "God Help My Man If He's Foolin' Around" by Joey + Rory
They say there's a seven-year itch, although some spouses start scratching long before that and still never find a cure. This 2010 country song never went much of anywhere on the country charts, but it's hilarious.
The narrator, a dutiful wife, waits at home for her husband. He's late again and didn't have the decency to call home. If he's not dead, he sure will be by the time he walks in that door:
There must be a real good reason why he ain't home yet
There must be a real bad wreck slowing him down.
I'm hoping he blew a tire, his old truck flipped and caught on fire
'Cause God help my man if he's foolin' around ... .
And it only gets funnier from there.
2. "I Don't Look Good Naked Anymore" by The Snake Oil Willie Band
This country song from 2014 will have you laughing so hard you might just pee your britches. It was the first original song by The Snake Oil Willie Band, a homegrown classic and Southern rock group. Just give it a listen, and you'll understand why it went viral. (There's just a little too much truth in it, right?)
The narrator complains that he's a "deep-fried, double-wide version of the man I was before" and admits he ain't seen his feet in years. Letting himself go kinda sneaked up on him after he spent years guzzling beer and eating too many french fries. That can happen to the best of us.
Now he realizes, "I don't look good naked anymore." At what point did it happen for you? On second thought, never mind.
3. "The Man Song" by Sean Morey
Who wears the pants in your marriage? This funny 1995 song pokes fun at the power struggle between partners. We all know that women usually rule the roost:
I don't take no crap from anybody else ... but you.
I wear the pants around here ... when I'm finished with your laundry.
'Cause I'm a guy you don't want to fight!
When I say "jump" you say, "Yeah, right!"
I'm the man of this house ... until you get home.
4. "Things Not To Say To Your Wife Song" by Tim Hawkins
First-hand experience in marriage was the obvious inspiration for this satirical 2009 song by Christian comedian Tim Hawkins. He provides friendly advice on things to avoid saying to your wife if you want to live a long and happy life:
I planned a hunting trip next week on your birthday
I didn't ask you 'cause I knew it'd be okay.
Go make some dinner while I watch this fishing show
I taped it over our old wedding video.
Things Not To Say To Your Husband
Just Don't Say It
Even If You're Thinking It
Just Shut Your Trap
"My ex used to do it this way ..."
"You're just like your father/mother/sister/brother."
"See, I told you I was right."
"My mother warned me you'd do this."
"Your hair is getting really thin up top."
"I thought all men knew how to [fix a flat, operate a chainsaw, etc.]"
"I wish you made as much money as [insert name here]."
"So how much are you weighing these days?'"
"Are you starting to grow man boobs?"
"Never mind. I can do this faster/better."
"Let's turn off the game and watch a Lifetime movie instead."
"My mother is coming with us on vacation this year."
5. "I Did It Her Way" by Sean Morey
Comedian Sean Morey knows how to please a wife, and he's willing to share the secret to his long-suffering success in this humorous 1998 song. He never spoke his mind, never came in late, never drove too fast. He threw out all the naked pictures of his ex-girlfriend, had sex according to his wife's schedule, and when his wife alerted him that the traffic light was green he always expressed gratitude for the information. That man is a helluva catch right there!
6. "I'm Gonna Miss Her (The Fishin' Song)" by Brad Paisley
Any seasoned wife knows never to issue an ultimatum that forces a husband to choose between you and fishing, hunting, or sports. But that's what a woman did in this 2001 chart-topper. When faced with a choice between catching hell with his wife all day or catching fish at the lake, the husband responds, "Well, I'm gonna miss her."
7. "You're the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly" by Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty
For several months, my dad had been teasing my mother with the punch line to this song ("You're the reason our kids are ugly"). The family wasn't aware it was a real song. Of the three of us adult children, one of us was offended, another thought he'd lost his marbles, and the third wondered which child he thought was ugliest.
This 1978 country song's brutal honesty will have you laughing for sure. The couple takes turns blaming one another for all the things that aren't perfect in their lives. For example, they blame the other for their finances, beer drinking, and disappearing looks. Most of all, the looks of those kids are the fault of the spouse.
Do parents usually know when their children are ugly?
8. "It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chew Your A** Out All Day Long" by The Notorious Cherry Bombs
When I first heard this 2004 song by this supergroup, I couldn't believe country stars like Vince Gill and Rodney Crowell would be involved in this venture. However, it's a real song that actually hit the country charts. Whether it's funny or not, you be the judge.
The song's narrator recalls an earlier time in his marriage when his honey was a true lady and called him sweet nothings. Now, however, she yells at him, disrespects him, and tells him how he is wrong.
He also complains about the growing size of her rear end: "Man, that thing is big enough to land a small plane on." What's most shocking is that in the song's video, a man dressed as a woman stars as the wife.
9. "How Can I Miss You If You Can't Go Away?" by Eldon Hunt
It's not unusual for long married couples to wish for a little solitude. For example, after being cooped up in the house together too long or when one retires and the other isn't used to their constant presence.
This funny 2007 original song could easily apply to marriage. One love partner is hanging around too closely, and the narrator just needs a break.
10. "When You're Screwin' Other Women (Think of Me)" by Doyle and Debbie
This 2011 song is sheer satire, a tongue-in-cheek nod to country music's heartache and cheating themes. A married man and his third wife (his second Debbie) confront reality and strike a bargain. She knows he's cheating and planning on leaving their marriage, and he explains that this is just him being him. They agree that when he's screwin' other women, he'll think of her. Sounds fair.
11. "She's No Lady" by Lyle Lovett
A lengthy marriage can sometimes seem like a prison sentence. So says the narrator in this 1988 jazz song. Although meant to be a serious song, the punch line will make you smirk.
Although the woman who has been on his arm for years wears fancy French perfume and wears high heels, the long suffering husband cannot recall the source of their initial attraction. She's made him pay every day since their wedding day:
She hates my mama
She hates my daddy too.
She loves to tell me
She hates the things I do.
She loves to lie beside me
Almost every night.
She's no lady she's my wife.
12. "We Don't Talk Anymore" by Charlie Puth (featuring Selena Gomez)
By now you've probably realized that the two of you don't have those deep conversations like you used to. That's what happens when two people know every freaking thing there is to know about each other yet still have decades in front of them.
Understandably, you run out of new things to say. This serious pop ballad from 2016 will make you wonder at what point it all changed.
13. "Remind Me" by Brad Paisley (featuring Carrie Underwood)
In this 2011 country song, the couple used to share a passionate flame of love and desire. They recall public displays of affection and long goodbye kisses, the kind that make others think "get a room."
However, after years of being together, all that passion has dwindled to a faint flicker. Or at best a slow burn. They miss the good old days. Can this marriage be saved?
Passionate Kisses Turn to Passionate Discussions Over Who Is Correct
14. "Three Empty Words" by Shawn Mendes
Another serious song, this 2016 pop ballad mourns the loss of the giddiness and spontaneity in a relationship. (Dude, that's the first thing to go. The upside, however, is that it's replaced by the pure pleasure of predictability and stability.)
The narrator sees the couple's relationship routines as just going through the motions. It's dull, and he needs more. This guy is definitely not in it for the long haul.
“Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.”— H. Jackson Brown Jr., American author
15. "(I Don't Have) Any More Love Songs" by Hank Williams Jr.
In this 1979 country love-gone-wrong song, the narrator confesses that his honey is frequently on his mind. However, he's no longer feeling the love.
He complains that his woman can't get her act together and doesn't hold him like she does in his dreams. He's giving up on all the things that never came true.
Sounds like Mr. Perfect is whining. Maybe his wife's behavior is attributable to his leaving his dirty socks and underwear in the floor and spending weekends in front of the television. You think?
16. "Broken Together" by Casting Crowns
This 2014 ballad is an all-too-serious look at what happens in marriages when love is taken for granted. What started as a fairy tale becomes a world of broken dreams.
The narrator acknowledges that "We were building kingdoms and chasing dreams and left love behind." However, there may be hope for this couple yet. He suggests that they move past their sadness and just be "broken together." Some call that "settling" while others say it's "working things out."
17. "You Never Even Called Me By My Name" by David Allan Coe
If you've been married long enough, then you likely notice that your real name starts to disappear from use. First, your spouse may replace it with a nickname. Then your name vanishes into the long married neverland. If you have children, you probably refer to each other as "Mama" or "Daddy" around the house. Yeah, that's sexy.
This 1975 country song is a reminder that you're well on your way to roommate status. Or becoming your parents.
And I'll hang around as long as you will let me
And I never minded standing' in the rain
But you don't have to call me darlin', darlin'
You never even called me by my name.
18. "Facebook Friends" by Brad Paisley
If you want to remain married, then don't look up old boyfriends on Facebook. That's the advice of this 2013 song. The lonely married woman in the song looked up an old flame from high school, and suddenly she felt 17 again.
The two went from chatting to meeting in person to having sex in a car (just like high school?). Then one day, his Facebook profile vanished without explanation. Perhaps, his Mrs. decided to keep him. But you better bet he'll never live this one down.
19. "You're No Good" by Linda Ronstadt
Spouses know how to blow each other's confidence. Over the years, they question the other's competence, industriousness, and their talent at even the little things. This 1974 rock song walks you through the basics of confidence-busting:
You're no good
You're no good
You're no good
Baby, you're no good.
20. "You Don't Bring Me Flowers Anymore" by Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond
In this remorseful 1978 song, a married couple recalls all the magic that has disappeared from their long-term marriage. The flowers, the singing each other love songs, and the talking about forever? Gone.
Now after sharing some late night wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am, she complains that "you just roll over and turn out the light." Sheesh.
For now, however, they are stuck with each other, unable to bring themselves to say goodbye.
Even More Songs About Being Married Too Long
21. You Give Love a Bad Name
22. Why Don't You Love Me (Like You Used To)
Hank Williams Sr.
23. Gravity Is a B*tch
24. Your Squaw Is On a Warpath
25. You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling
The Righteous Brothers
26. She Got the Ring (I Got the Finger)
27. Too Cold at Home
28. I'm Gonna Hire a Wino to Decorate Our Home
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