Why You Hate Your Voice and How to Fix It
Do You Hate Your Voice? You're Not Alone!
If you're one of the majority of people who feel this way, you've come to the right place because you're about to learn why you hate your voice and how to fix it.
As I was lurking around the "Question and Answer" forum on HubPages, I came across the topic, "I hate the sound of my voice" and decided to write a Hub about it. (Thank you Kallini for the post). This is not an uncommon topic, either -- in fact, I'd love to get a dollar for every person who's said to me, "I hate my voice." Nearly half of my students say the same thing when I asked them why they have come to see me.
Note: While hating your own voice can refer to both your speaking or singing voice, my comments are directed to the speaking voice for now.
For the next few minutes, make believe you are among the gazillions of people who, after hearing their own voice recorded, swear that they will never speak another word. In fact, only 10% of us recognize our own voice when hearing it for the first time. So, you're not alone, and vocalcoach is here to help you. Here's what you can expect from this Hub:
- Learn about why you can't hear your true voice
- Why does your voice sound different to you vs. when recorded
- The male vs. female voice
- Common things people hate about their voice
- How to correct your vocal problems in a few steps
Why You Can't Hear Your True Voice
How many of us, growing up, record our speaking voice every day? Ridiculous question, isn't it? And yet, that's exactly what is required for us to grow into adulthood and accept and like our speaking voice.
Why? Because we never hear our true voice when we talk. We go through life thinking that the sound we hear is the sound others hear. That actually isn't so.
Your voice sounds different to other people than it does to you because it's different. You're actually the only person who hears yourself the way you think everyone else does.
Let's examine why this is so.
Why Does My Voice Sound Different To Me vs. Recorded?
When you speak, the vocal folds in your throat vibrate, which causes your skin, skull, and oral cavities to also vibrate; we refer to this as sound. These vibrations mix with sound waves, which travel from your mouth to your eardrum. No one hears this sound but you. Your sound is confined within these resonators. Again, because it bears repeating: only you can hear this sound.
This is why the first time you hear your voice recorded, you're likely shocked by what you hear. Your pitch is usually higher and your speech sounds slower. This is the moment of truth -- this is what your voice sounds like to everyone else.
Amazing View of Vocal Cords While Singing With Multiple Voices
Vocal Folds and Vibrations
- The glottis. Your vocal folds (bands, chords, cords) are positioned at the base of the larynx and are the "vibrator" of sound. They are flat triangular bands. The space between the vocal cords is called the glottis.
- Voice. Vibrations are caused when the vocal folds are set into motion because of air expelled from the lungs. This is called voice. Air is forced up the trachea from the lungs, at a certain pressure, forcing its way through the vocal cords and pushing them open.
- Male vs. female vocal folds. Male vocal folds are larger than the female vocal folds. The male vocal folds are approximately 0.75" to .75" in length, while the female's are approximately 0.5" to.75" in length. This is one of the reasons for the difference in vocal pitch between genders.
To Change the Sound of Your Voice, You Must First Hear it By Recording
Correcting Your Vocal Problems in a Few Easy Steps
The good news is, you can change the sound of your voice. If you'd like a lower, richer sound you can have one. If you talk too fast you can learn how to slow your speech down and speak clearly. Regardless of how you sound now - you can learn how to sound better.
The quality and sound of your voice is largely due to habit. And, luckily, bad habits can be broken and good ones learned. It just takes practice. If you are willing to put the time into learning correct vocal production, you can develop a speaking voice to be proud of.
Step 1: Listen to Your Recorded Sound
The first step to changing your speaking voice is to listen to your recorded sound. This can be done by using your computer. Locate the microphone and speaker and record a short sentence such as "Michael row the boat ashore," or "Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream." You can also record on your answering machine or cell phone.
After recording the sentence three times in a row, play it back and listen. This will be the hardest part of the exercise. Don't expect to like the sound of your voice. Grab a sheet of paper and as you listen to the recording the second time, list what you hate about your voice. Continue to do this several times. Take your time with this first step.
Remember, it's normal to dislike what you hear.
Look at the following list of things we hate about our voice. Are your thoughts on this list?
Common Things People Hate About Their Voice
Dry -- monotonous
Too many pauses
Off-key (out of tune or flat)
Step 2: Practice Simple But Effective Exercises
Now that you are over the initial shock of hearing your "real" voice and your list is complete, the next step will teach you how to make corrections.
Remember also that tension is the worst enemy for the speaker, singer, and actor. As you practice your daily vocal workout, be sure to release all neck, shoulder, knee, and hand tension.
Let's begin with one of the most important factors for improving your speaking: too much tension in the tongue. The tongue is the rudder for sound. When we try to hold back emotion, we tense up our tongues. We must release this tension if we are to sound better when speaking.
During this step, you will practice this simple but effective exercise:
- Start with the tongue lying flat in the bed of the mouth
- Bring the tongue forward (stretching it), slightly over the bottom lip and pant like a dog.
- Then, gently pull the tongue back to rest in the bed of the mouth and feel the relaxed position.
- Get in the habit of teaching your tongue to feel relaxed when speaking all vowels.
- Using the word 'hello,' very slowly speak the word, noticing the relaxed position of the tongue on the first part of the word, 'heh.'
- Speak just the 'heh' three times, while keeping a nice, relaxed feeling in the tongue.
- The tongue will draw up to touch the hard palate (roof of the mouth) to form the 'l' and then drop down to form the 'o.' Be sure the tongue is positioned correctly, attacking no further back then just at the forward part of the hard palate. If the tongue is drawn too far back on the 'l' with too much tension, the result will be a throaty sound.
Relaxing Vocal Tension and Lifting the Soft Palate by Yawning
Step 3: Stretch the Top Of Your Throat (to Fix the Nasal Sound)
A closed soft palate (located behind the hard palate or roof of the mouth) will cause you to sound nasal. When you yawn, the soft palate rises which opens the back of the throat.
Yawning is actually a stretching exercise for the soft palate, which is the top of your throat, including the little movable part in the back of your mouth where the uvula quite visibly hangs down. The soft palate is responsible for the overtone in the mask area around the nose and sinuses. It's a kind of buzzing sound and feeling that helps the voice to carry and sound clear.
This step will teach you to stretch the top of your throat. All you have to do is yawn. But make sure your jaw doesn't come forward. A good way to do this stretch is to:
- Yawn as you regularly do.
- Yawn with your mouth closed, as if you're trying to stifle a yawn.
You must exercise the tongue and the soft palate on a daily basis. Then, forget them and let them work on their own. Let them do their job.
Because a closed throat results in a nasal sound, this exercise will help reduce speaking through your nose. The back of the throat needs to be open as we speak.
- Go into a yawn position
- Using the word 'yeah,' repeat several times. The sound should not be whiney or nasal with the throat open. Learn to do this exercise using different consonants and vowels.
- This requires daily exercising for several weeks before the nasal-ness is completely gone.
Step 4: Change Your Voice by Regulating Your Pitch
You can actually speak by generating sound from different places in the body called vocal registers. Each of these registers vibrate at different rates of speed to produce sound.
This step will teach you how to regulate your pitch (high, medium, or low). Let's say you don't like your voice because it's too high and you sound like a child. (Ladies, have you ever answered the phone and been asked if your mommy is home?)
Here's what you can try:
- Speak from your chest register. To bring the pitch down, or speak with a more mature sound, you must speak from your chest register. To connect with your chest sound, speak the word 'whoa' in a very deep voice. Place your hand on the chest area and feel for the vibrations as you speak the sound of 'whoa.' Do this several times, recording the sound.
- Get on all fours. To help you connect to the low chest register, while on the floor, position yourself on all fours while on your knees and hands. Make sure your head is positioned down like you're looking at the floor and say the word 'whoa' as low as you can without straining your voice. Really concentrate on the vibrations in your chest.
- Practice. Practice mixing the chest sound with your regular sound to bring out a nice, rich speaking voice. Then, record words and finally sentences.
- Mix it up. If your speech is too slow and boring, speed up your sentences and practice until it feels natural at your new pace. Accent certain syllables to add interest to your voice.
- Speak clearly. Speaking clearly is one of the most important elements for all speakers. Articulate. Do not "drop" consonants at the ends of your words.
- Breathe properly. Breathe correctly by using your abdominal wall (diaphragmatic breathing, sometimes called the belly breath). Don't know how? Here are complete instructions to teach you how.
- Try jogging. Finally, your voice needs energy to sound its best. Try jogging in place while speaking a few sentences. If jogging is out for you, sit on an exercise ball and bounce up and down as you speak.
For Overcoming Sluggish Articulation
Step 5: Don't Forget About Tapping Into the Unused Portion of Your Vocal Tract
Choose the first line of any speech or paragraph in a book or newspaper.
- Imagine that the sound you are about to make is coming directly from the belly.
- Make a 'huh' sound.
- Say the first word of your text, matching the pitch of the 'huh.' Remember, the sound is coming from your belly.
- After the first word, allow your voice to go anywhere it needs to go to express the remainder of the line.
- Repeat this procedure with each successive line of the speech, starting with 'huh' and then match the first word of the line.
- Notice how starting each line with 'huh' puts your voice in a freer place.
- Practice this exercise for twenty minutes each day for several weeks. If you have success, then only think the 'huh' sound and match the first word.
- Continue to repeat and experiment with this exercise until it begins to feel comfortable and more natural.
For most people, the sound will start in the lower half of the voice. This is especially useful for women who tend to avoid the lower half of their voices.
The end result will be a richer, more confident, and pleasing sound.
I hope you have learned something about why you hate your voice, and how to fix it.
In the end, remember that you must really want to discover a better sounding voice and trust that you will. One of the biggest mistakes we make is comparing our voice to other singers. Stop doing this. Instead, find your own sound. Once you do this then develop and enhance the sound you hear as your own.
Your voice is an instrument and, like any other instrument, it must be taken care of. It is not enough to say, "When I get emotional, my throat tightens up and my voice gets squeaky."
Whatever happens to your voice when you get emotional is habit. You must take responsibility for the condition of your instrument. Remember that most problems can be traced to tension in the neck, jaw, and tongue, along with restricted breathing.
I recommend recording your voice consistently as you practice to bring about change. You'll soon get used to your true vocal sound and accept it as part of the wonderful person you are.
Note: Please see your doctor whenever you experience throat pain. If any of the above exercises cause discomfort, stop immediately.
If you have heard your voice recorded...
© 2012 Audrey Hunt