26 Craziest Things Ozzy Osbourne Ever Did
Ozzy Osbourne may be the wildest, party-hardy rocker of all time
Few would argue that Ozzy Osbourne is one of the biggest characters rock and roll has ever produced. He’s certainly lived a life filled with adventures, misadventures, sex, drugs and rock and roll, and craziness of all sorts, some of it hard to believe. Yes, indeed, Ozzy Osbourne’s life is the stuff of legends.
This article suggests 26 of the craziest things Ozzy has done in his unusual life. It’s hard to narrow the list to 26, but I did my best. Every aspect of this list came from Ozzy Osbourne’s autobiography I Am Ozzy, published in 2009, so if it contains BS, blame Ozzy not me.
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1. Born in December1948, Ozzy Osbourne graduated high school at 15 (they graduate younger in the U.K. than in the U.S.) Before Ozzy turned 18, he was arrested and convicted for burglary and sentenced to three months in prison. (Ozzy had to do the time because his father refused to pay the fine.)
2. While still in school, Ozzy’s metal shop teacher, Mr. Lane, often punished Ozzy by slapping him on the arse with a big piece of wood. To get even, Ozzy liked to heat a penny for three or four minutes and then slip it into Mr. Lane’s desk. At some point, Mr. Lane, out of curiosity, would pick up the penny and – yeow! - Ozzy would get a good laugh.
3. While still a teenager, Ozzy got a position in a slaughterhouse. His job was to kill cows by shooting them in the head with a gun that fired a steel spike. At times, Ozzy would end up covered with blood and guts.
4. While singing with Earth, the band that would eventually become Black Sabbath, Ozzy, in an effort to always play the clown, would do just about anything to get the audience’s attention. One time he found some purple paint backstage and covered his nose with it. Unfortunately, the paint was indelible and didn’t wear off for weeks!
5. While on the road with Black Sabbath in the early 1970s, the hotel where the band was staying was invaded by Satanists, some of whom had camped out in front of Ozzy’s hotel room. To get rid of these fanatics, Ozzy blew out their candles and sang to them “Happy Birthday.”
6. When Ozzy’s first wife Thelma Riley began giving birth to Ozzy’s first child – the girl he would name Jessica “Starshine” Osbourne – Thelma insisted he had to drive her to the hospital. The trouble was, Ozzy was drunk (“pissed” as Ozzy often expressed it) and didn’t have a driver’s license. He drove anyway.
7. At the end of an American tour in 1972, Ozzy, who had been sampling groupies for months, got a blast of penicillin before returning home to the missus.
8. In those days, Ozzy and Thelma had lots of new cars. When Thelma’s brand new Mercedes inexplicably got all these scratches on it, Ozzy investigated and discovered that stray cats were climbing on it while it was kept in the garage. So, one night, Ozzy sneaked into the garage, whipped out his shotgun and blasted as many cats as he could.
9. Once day when the vicar paid the Osbournes a visit (Ozzy is a member of the Church of England), Thelma inadvertently gave the priest a big piece of cake that Ozzy had laced with some potent Afghan hashish. Soon the vicar passed out, and the Osbournes had to carry him to the car and take him home. For three days the vicar was ripped and, fortunately for the Osbournes, didn’t remember what had happened to him.
10. On a flight home to England, Ozzy was carrying four grams of cocaine in his sock. Worried about taking the dope through customs, Ozzy gave the coke to the stewardesses, who snorted the stuff while still working on the plane.
11. Thelma, in an effort to keep Ozzy from partying all the time, bought him a coop filled with chickens. But Ozzy hated the chickens and hated feeding them. One night, while drunk, he took his shotgun to the coop and began shooting the birds. Then he set fire to the coop and into the flames he threw live shotgun cartridges, and they soon went bang-bang-bang!
12. One night during the “Blizzard of Ozz” tour in Germany, while dining with some straight-laced folks, Ozzy climbed onto the table and began doing a striptease. Once naked, Ozzy urinated into this man’s carafe of wine. After that, Ozzy wasn’t invited back to Germany for many years.
13. During a meeting at CBS records, Ozzy, now a solo artist, in order to impress the public relations people, pulled out a dove, bit off its head and threw it on a table, where it twitched about, spilling blood and feces everywhere. Soon, somebody shouted, “Get this animal out of here! Now!” Then they threw Ozzy from the premises.
14. During Ozzy’s “Diary of a Madman” tour in the early 1980s, he would use a catapult to hurl pieces of meat into the audience. Enamored of Ozzy’s bizarre routine, young people would bring pieces of animals to the performances. One time, a kid brought an ox’s head – after he had killed and dismembered the beast!
15. During one performance, somebody in the audience threw something at Ozzy. He thought it was a rubber bat, so he picked it up and chomped down on it. Soon, realizing something was wrong, Ozzy spit out a live bat. Later, as a precautionary measure, Ozzy had to get rabies shots.
16. While touring in San Antonio, Texas, Ozzy got drunk one night, and Sharon Arden (later to become his wife), took Ozzy's clothes, hoping to keep him at the hotel and hopefully out of trouble. But Ozzy donned one of Sharon's frilly frocks and took a walk. Later, while still dressed in drag, he took a leak on the walls of the Alamo, a historic national monument, where the cops soon busted him. It was a decade before the authorities allowed Ozzy to play in San Antonio again.
17. When Ozzy had guests stay at his house at Outland Cottage in England, he would slip into their rooms at night and shave off their eyebrows. Ozzy thought this was hilarious fun.
18. In Memphis, Tennessee one night, Ozzy, drunk and looking for a place to urinate, chose a white car parked in a lay-by. Then he soon discovered this was an unmarked police car, and the lady cop at the wheel arrested him and threw him in jail for the rest of the night.
19. While in Germany once again, Ozzy Osbourne, drunk while seeing the sights, may have been the only person ever thrown out of Dachau concentration camp.
20. This time in Albuquerque, New Mexico, while drunk and coked out of his head, Ozzy took a ride in an aerial tramway. When the vehicle suddenly stopped a thousand feet up, Ozzy took a ladder to the roof of the vehicle, lifted the hatch and climbed atop it. Then, when the thing started moving again, Ozzy rode there, his arms wide, as if surfing at Malibu.
21. During the AIDS scare in the middle 1980s, Ozzy finally realized that you didn’t have to be gay to catch the deadly disease. So, one time, after sleeping with a groupie, he had himself checked for the virus. At first, the doctor thought Ozzy had AIDS, then he later changed his diagnosis. Ozzy was so freaked out by the experience he vowed to never again cheat on Sharon.
22. While flying one time, a woman sitting in front of Ozzy kept annoying him, so he slipped a Doom Dot into her drink and soon the lady fell asleep. This Doom Dot was a so-called Mickey, actually a gel cap containing chloral hydrate.
23. In September 1989, at perhaps the worst period of Ozzy’s drugging, he was arrested and charged with attempted murder by strangulation of his wife, Sharon Osbourne. Later, Sharon dropped the charges.
24. Invited to a White House dinner during the administration of George W. Bush, Ozzy got blasted on alcohol and, while screaming wildly in front of 1,800 people, Bush could be heard saying, “This might have been a mistake.”
25. During 2002, when The Osbournes, one of television's first reality shows, was a big hit on MTV, Ozzy was taking as many as 25 Vicodin pills per day, and this was among as many as 42 different prescriptions drugs he consumed on a daily basis.
26. Happening in more recent times, because it was something Ozzy had always wanted to do, he and his friend Zakk Wylde pushed a 50-inch TV set through the ninth floor window of a hotel and let it fall to the pavement below. When this huge TV set hit the ground it exploded like a nuclear bomb. The hotel charged Ozzy $38,000 for the destruction of the television.
It’s truly hard to believe that Ozzy is still alive after all these years of heavy partying, perhaps the heaviest of all time. He's been in drug rehab at least a couple of times, but whether he's quit drugs is anybody's guess. Yet in spite of Ozzy's overindulgence and penchant for risky behavior, he's been married twice, has many children and grandchildren, and his list of accolades as a great rocker is a long one.
But how much longer will Ozzy Osbourne survive? Perhaps only the “Prince of Darkness” himself could answer that question.
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